Hold On Forever
by skygirl55
Summary: Rick Castle is intrigued by his Physics lab partner; Kate Beckett is annoyed by hers. An unforeseen even brings these two partners together in a way neither expected, and it might just lead to much more. College AU. (Note: Deals with subjects that may be triggering for some readers.)
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I Hope everyone enjoys this College AU. There will be 18 chapters + an epilogue_

 _The title for this fic came from the Rob Thomas song by the same name. I recommend listening to it or at least reading the lyrics because it fits the story quite well :)_

* * *

 **Chapter One**

Any college courses meeting before eleven a.m. on Monday mornings should be abolished.

At least, that's what Rick Castle thought as he walked into his nine-thirty physics lecture. Styrofoam cup full of black coffee in one hand, rucksack clutched in the other, he surveyed the landscape of the class. By that point, six weeks into the semester, the seventy-person class had assimilated into relatively consistent seating patterns. It was, after all, human nature to repeat successful patterns. Thus, Rick headed up the stairs of the stadium-style seating lecture hall to the twentieth row and took a seat on the aisle.

Normally, Rick did not want to sit on the aisle, or any other place that might make him seem prominent, particularly the front few rows. Such a seating selection would invite him being called on, and that was _definitely_ not something he was interested in. In a subject he felt reasonably comfortable in? Sure, why not. He was usually up for some class participation—even a healthy debate. In physics? No, thank you. He'd sit towards the back, happily take his "C," and move on with his life.

Unfortunately, the structure of that particular lecture hall—most notably the narrow rows—was not created for men of his stature. In the middle of the row, the legs on his six-foot-one frame would be too cramped to be comfortable for an eighty minute already miserably boring class. At least the aisle afforded him the opportunity to stretch out a bit. Even better—he'd yet to be called on and the semester was one third over.

"Hey Ricky!"

Rick spotted two of his comrades approaching and smiled for the first time since waking up twenty minutes earlier. He stood and allowed the two men to slide into the row beside him before re-taking his seat.

"Missed you Saturday night. You suddenly too good for us, Ricky?" Jeremy, the eldest of the three men, asked.

"For you guys? Never." Rick generally did have a good time at the bashes hosted by Jeremy and his other senior friends. In fact, the closer they got to graduation, the wilder they became, which was more than all right with Rick. "Had a date, actually."

Sounds of aw escaped the boys lips before Pete, Jeremy's junior roommate, asked, "Well if you were busy getting busy we can let it slide."

Rick chuckled inwardly. "I probably would have had a better time at the party—and better luck." The men apologized, but Rick shrugged them off. Casey had seemed like a nice girl when they met in line in the dining hall and she was—nice. Unfortunately, she was also boring. Perhaps maybe she was just shy. She seemed friendly enough when Rick was chatting with her and her two roommates, but as soon as they were alone together she hardly said ten words the whole night.

When he saw the professor enter the room a few moments later, Rick balanced his coffee cup between his knees and reached down into his rucksack to retrieve his green spiral bound notebook and a pen. He clamped the pen between his teeth as he opened the notebook and flipped it to the next blank page. He then unfolded the absurdly small writing platform from its space tucked in between the seats and set his notebook on it. Just as he looked up, a familiar face approached up the stairs.

"Morning," he said, smiling at her. She nodded her head in return, and brushed a strand of hair behind her ears as she moved passed him and took a seat several rows behind.

"Whoa hottie alert." Pete observed.

Jeremy nudged Rick's arm. "Who was that?"

"Wha—oh, Kate?" he asked, glancing over his shoulder and then back to the guys. "She's my lab partner."

Jeremy clicked his tongue and shook his head while displaying a look of disgust. "You won the lottery you lucky son of a bitch."

Rick let out a breathy laugh. He presumed Jeremy referred to the fact that four different lab classes corresponded with their lecture. They took place on varying days of the week owing to the fact that labs were not to have more than twenty people in them distributed in groups of two. Within those labs, the partners had been randomly assigned by the professor. Rick had met Kate on the first day of their Thursday lab.

"You're going to hit that, right?" Pete questioned.

Rick cleared his throat and leaned casually back in his seat. "Well, that is the plan."

While his cronies bumped fists and continued to insult the man who had all the luck, Rick casually dated the top of the blank page in his notebook. Truth be told, he had not been thinking with the intent to solely make Kate another notch on his bedpost. In all honesty, he was intrigued by her.

Kate was, without any question, a beautiful woman. Unlike most of the women (and men) who favored sweat pants or the dreaded flannel pajama pant as appropriate class attire, Kate wore almost exclusively jeans and nice tops or sweaters. Sure, she had worn a hooded sweatshirt once or twice, but for the most part she dressed well, and he appreciated that. More so, he appreciated the way her jeans accentuated her endlessly long legs and well-proportioned curves.

Whether or not she wore makeup, he was unsure. If she did, he imagined it wasn't much, because she always looked fresh and youthful, not like she was going out for a night of drinking and debauchery. Besides, she didn't need makeup. Her prominent cheekbones and lovely lips already made her gorgeous. What attracted him, though—what he would have spent hours staring at were it not for social impropriety—were her eyes. Her beautiful chestnut colored eyes peppered with flecks of green around the iris were her most stunning feature, not just for their shape, but for the fact that they were filled with more sadness than she should have seen during her twenty-some years on the planet.

After leaving physics lab Rick often found himself wondering what had caused such sorrow in the lovely girl's life. Had she been a victim of a tragedy? Had a family member, leaving her as collateral damage? Had she simply always maintained a melancholy demeanor? In Rick's mind, the possibilities were endless and part of him hoped he would one day find out.

"You guys still having that party this weekend?"

Lost in his own thoughts, Rick had not properly heard Jeremy's question, so he asked him to repeat it. When he did, Rick responded with, "Oh yeah, definitely."

"You should invite Kate."

"And seal the deal—asshole," Pete added.

"Well," he began with a smirk, "she surely won't be able to resist my charms for too much longer."

When the professor stepped up to the podium they could chat no longer, but as he sat back and prepared to take notes, Rick could not help but think maybe his friends had the right idea.

* * *

Kate Beckett scurried into her Thursday lab and came to a halt when she saw the instructor had not arrived yet—thank god. She was convinced someone was playing a trick on her because she had faced a "DON'T WALK" sign at every intersection she needed to cross leaving her all but late for her lab that morning. Well, one minute early, but compared to her usual seven-to-eight minutes early, that felt late.

Exhaling a long breath, she held tightly to her messenger bag as she sidled her way into the tightly packed space. At the table second from the back of the room, she spotted her lab partner or, as she generally referred to him, the overgrown child. He was, at present, living up to his name by attempting to balance a pen on the knuckle of his thumb without letting it fall onto the ground.

Kate shook her head slowly during the last ten steps to the desk. Honestly, most days she did not know what to make of Rick. He was…something.

From the moment Kate walked into her first lab, she was concerned about her partner owing to the fact that the syllabus stated that the partners would be randomly assigned. Now, she did not know anyone in her lab lecture—at least, she had not seen anyone she knew during their first two classes—and even if she had, there was no guarantee that person would be in her lab section. Still, there was something about the random assignment that unnerved her.

When she was introduced to Rick she was mildly relieved to discover he did not have a foul odor whether from lack of personal hygiene or excessive use of cheap cologne. That was at least an improvement over her lab partner from the prior semester. Her relief, however, dissipated almost instantly when he tried to talk to her during their first project together. No, not talk to—interrogate.

Okay, okay—it hadn't been that bad. She supposed that for normal people questions like, "Did you grow up in the city?" or "What's your family like? Do you have any brothers or sisters?" were just normal, friendly, conversational questions. It wasn't as though he asked her deepest darkest secrets, but she just wasn't interested in giving out personal information to a practical stranger. Come to think of it, discussing her mother and her tragic death four years earlier wasn't even something she discussed with friends.

And it wasn't just the questions. Rick talked _all the time_. Almost continually during their ninety minute lab timeslot. Even though she would rarely speak to him unless it directly related to what they were doing, he still talked to her, having an almost full one sided conversation by himself, which could not have been more annoying.

On the bright side, he did seem nice in his own way. During their six week partnership he had yet to ask her out or flirt too grotesquely, much to her relief. He always greeted her politely, both in lab and in regular class if they happened to cross paths. She suspected their dormitories were near each other because she would occasionally see him in the dining hall, where he would always at least acknowledge her with a nod and a smile if not a verbal hello.

The thing she appreciated most about him—the thing that made the concept of partnering with him for another ten weeks actually bearable—was that he absolutely pulled his own weight when it came to classwork. He was an English major—he'd mentioned that a few times—and had made it very clear that the sciences were not his strong suit, but he made a good effort, which she appreciated. Despite the fact that there were more than a few occasions on which she wanted to duct tape his mouth shut, it would have been much worse if she was forced to carry their lab work and he just went along for the ride.

"Hey, Kate." He grinned at her when she sat down. "Having a good Thursday?"

"Um." She paused as she lifted her messenger bag up onto the table top, lifted the flap, and slid out her notebook. "I guess."

"Excellent. I'm having a great Thursday, especially because after this only one class stands between me and the weekend."

Kate gave him a half smile before turning back to her notebook and flipping through the pages until she found the ones on their lab assignment for that day. As she began to review, she could tell that Rick was doing something with the pen beside her, but as he often fidgeted during class, she tried to ignore it. She was mostly successful until she felt the pen smack into her arm. Though Rick apologized, she still felt herself turning her head to give him a perturbed look. She then watched as he picked up the pen from where it had ricocheted off her arm, placed it back on his thumb and spun it right back off again. Fortunately, that time it went in the opposite direction and skidded along the table until it bounced off the wall.

"What are you doing?"

"Me?"

"No, the other person sitting beside me and hitting me with things."

He grinned. "I said I was sorry. I'm just trying to spin this pen."

"Why?"

"Because I saw some guy do it in my last class and it looked cool."

"Of course." She muttered under her breath. That made complete and total sense and brought him right back into his overgrown child state.

For the first five minutes of their teacher's lecture Rick continued to spin the pen on his thumb. The third time it hit her, Kate took the pen from him. He sneakily tried to retrieve it, but she kept her hand firmly over it while she paid attention to the final instructions for their lab assignment that day. Only when the teacher returned to his seat did she slide the pen back to her sulking companion.

Fortunately, they were so busy completing their lab assignment that Rick did not have time to play with the pen any more until almost the end of the class period. By that time, Kate was just glad they had managed to successfully complete the assignment. Despite the fact that she always desired to get the highest grade possible, the deeper they got into class it seemed more and more likely physics would not be her strongest class of the semester—let alone the year.

"Hey so are you doing anything Saturday night?"

As she slipped her notebook back into her messenger bag, Kate gave her partner a side glance. "Not that I'm aware of."

"Great!" He grinned. "There's a party at my dorm; you should come."

Kate let out a short, breathy laugh. Oh yeah, just what she wanted: hanging out with Rick and his presumably equally childish friends while they drank heavier and heavier until they ultimately passed out onto their beer pong tables. What a blast! "Thanks, but I don't think so."

"What? Why not?"

She merely shrugged. There was that irritating interrogation again. What did it matter? He didn't know her; he didn't need to. She turned him down politely, and that was that. Before she could shoulder her bag and step away he—to no one's surprise—continued talking.

"C'mon it'll be fun – what else are you doing? Plus, you know, free beer."

Kate fought the urge to roll her eyes as free beer could not have been less enticing. Of course, he would have had no way of knowing that and, in his defense, it probably would have been enough to persuade most if not all of their classmates. "I don't think so."

She looked over at him just in time to see him shrug. He then ripped a page from his notebook and quickly jotted down a few words. "Well, if you change your mind that's my address."

As a means of ending their conversation quickly, Kate snagged the page with a thank you and then stuffed it down into her bag without a second thought. She gave him a terse goodbye and then headed towards the exit. Maybe if she didn't get all the "Don't walk" signs again she would have time to eat lunch before her next class.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: WOW! Thank you guys so much for your response to this fic - I really appreciate it_

* * *

 ** _**TRIGGER WARNING** Please take note: this chapter contains a sexual assault_**

If you are not comfortable reading that, you may skip this chapter and it will not stop you from understanding the rest of the story

Or, if you're comfortable enough, read to the SECOND break (the assault takes place in the 3rd section of the chapter)

Again _**TRIGGER WARNING for sexual assault**_

* * *

 **Chapter Two**

Kate Beckett flopped back on her bed with a long exhale. She brought both arms up to cross over her face and stared up at the ceiling through the gaps. It was Saturday night and she was bored.

This wasn't her fault, she defended mentally; it was her roommate's. They were supposed to go to dinner and then to a comedy show near campus, but at the last minute Maddy canceled to go on a date with a guy she'd met in the library that afternoon.

Kate could not honestly say she was devastated about missing the stand-up routines—that had been Maddy's idea and she was only going along because she was asked—but what irritated her the most was that Maddy had been the one to come up with their plans for the evening only to cancel them in the end. Kate couldn't say she was surprised though; she had been friends with Maddy for nearly a decade and was used to her friends flighty-at-times behavior.

As Kate stared up at the uneven ceiling tiles she could hear the low thumping base of music coming from the room beside hers. The commotion out in the hallways was already fairly constant, which meant that even if she wanted to go to bed early that evening it would not have been possible. Still, she had to find something to do.

Standing up from her bed, Kate moved towards her desk in the corner of the room, but in doing so her foot caught the strap of her messenger bag, which had been tucked between the bed and the desk. She stumbled forward and caught herself by grabbing onto the back of the desk chair. With her foot still hooked around the strap this action caused the bag to jolt from its position and flop over onto the floor, partially spilling its contents.

Grumbling to herself, Kate knelt down and began to slide the notebooks and pens back inside the taupe colored bag. In the process, she came across the torn piece of paper her lab partner had given her two days before. Now it had been crushed and partially torn from being jammed into the bottom of her bag, but the address was still legible. She sat back on her heels and stared down at her partner's messy scrawl.

In the back of Kate's mind she could hear Maddy's voice encouraging her to go. "It's just a party, Becks," she would say. "You might even have fun—lord knows you need it."

Despite the fact that her roommate had accused her of living a boring existence on many occasions, Kate disagreed; she simply had her own version of fun. Maddy did not have any interest in curling up on her bed and losing herself in a great novel, but Kate did. Maddy would have rather pulled her own finger nails out than sit through another rerun marathon of _Nebula 9_ , but Kate would all but avoid her classes to do so.

Kneeling on the floor as a cluster of giggling girls passed outside her dorm room, Kate considered her options. Off the top of her head she could have listed at least half a dozen reasons why going to Rick's party would annoy rather than excite her, but maybe going wasn't such a bad idea after all. She had been correct in her assumption that he lived nearby her so the walk would be short. If she was having a terrible time, she could easily leave. At most, she'd waste an hour of her life and that seemed a worthwhile exchange.

"I just hope he doesn't hit on me." She muttered to herself as she grabbed her keys and jacket and headed out the door.

* * *

The moment the stench of stale beer and urine assailed her nostrils Kate regretted her decision. How was it possible that boys' dormitories _always_ had that smell; it was uncanny. And alarming.

Clearing her throat and trying her best to breathe through her mouth, Kate pushed her way up the crowded stairway to the second floor. There, she found the hall so packed with people she could hardly slide her way through. Again, she almost turned back, but she felt as long as she was there she may as well make an effort to say hello to her lab partner. Then, if he ever invited her anywhere again she could legitimately say she hadn't enjoyed herself the first time so she wasn't interested.

She had been down that path several times before when a male classmate would ask her out. Or, worse, persistently ask her out. For some reason she could not conceptualize, many college guys could not take no for an answer. They insisted that if she went out with them, she would see just how fabulous, amazing or incredible they were. Naturally she had not believed all those men to be terrible people, but she simply wasn't interested in dating at that point in her life. Thus, she was glad to have a concrete reason for Rick should he become one of those men.

Making her way down the hall, it was difficult for Kate to determine which room was Rick's; many of the doors were open which made it hard to see their room number. Fortunately, when passing a particularly crowded doorway, she was able to hear his voice booming over the hum of talking students.

"What the fuck?! You piece of shit—that was in!"

"No way."

"It was in—I saw that ball touch the water."

"Nope."

Kate sighed inwardly as more obscenities fell from Rick's mouth. She didn't even need to see them to know they were playing beer pong—aka the unofficial sport of college aged males. _Perfect_.

Nudging her way through the crowds the best she could, Kate grimaced as one of the guys grinned at her with a drunken attempt at a seductive expression. She crossed her arms over her chest and shoved her way through the last cluster of people to arrive in the central area of the room where the beer pong table was set up. Rick stood at the far end of the table facing her wearing a t-shirt bearing the NYU logo. He held a white ping-pong ball in his hand and had his tongue clamped between his teeth. With the flick of his wrist the ball flew across the table and, unfortunately, ricocheted off the end.

"Nice shot," she commented.

Rick's eyes turned quickly towards her and a grin broke out across his face. "Kate! Hey! You made it."

Kate bobbed her head and slid her hands down into her front jeans pocket. Great—he'd seen her, they said hello, and she was free to leave at any point…which probably meant in about three minutes. "Well, I don't want to interrupt your game so-"

"No it's fine." He grabbed a red plastic cup from the table beside him, threw the contents into his mouth like a shot, and then made his way over to her. "I'm losing anyway—clearly. You wanna play?"

"Tempting but no," she said, though from the way the smile never left his face he clearly did not pick up on her sarcasm.

"Well let's get you a drink. Cups are five dollars, but since I invited you I'll cover yours."

She took a half step away from him. "Oh, no that's okay—I'm good."

"C'mon, just one drink?" he enticed, winking at her. "It's free…"

A negative answer was poised on her lips but in the end she relented with a shrug. "Sure, okay." Cheap beer was definitely not her beverage of choice, but since he was offering she figured why not? Maybe it would help her forget about the unpleasant smell still filtering in her nostrils. Though, she had to note, it was less horrible inside Rick's room than in the stairwell.

His grin growing broader, Rick disappeared around the other side of the beer pong table and returned a moment later with a red plastic cup. He approached the silver keg in the corner but when he squeezed the nozzle only a few drips of amber liquid came out. "Shit I guess we're out, but I know they have some across the hall. I-"

"Yo Rick! Your turn!"

"Ah." Rick cringed as he looked at Kate. "Sorry, just go ahead; I'll be over in a few minutes."

She shrugged and took the cup. "Sure. Whatever. Take your time."

She really didn't need him to be her babysitter. She would simply go and get her drink and perhaps meander around to the other rooms joining in the festivities. Who knew? Maybe she'd see something interesting after all.

* * *

Rick groaned to himself when he finished searching the dorm room across the hall only to find it absent of Kate. He couldn't say that he was surprised. It had been over an hour since he'd promised to be over "in a few minutes" and he could hardly expect her to wait around forever. It was his fault.

He wanted to talk to her—he really did. He wanted to see what it was like to talk to her out of the class environment and out in the real world—for lack of better description. Perhaps if they talked, he would be able to get a better feel on her and what made her seem so sad. Perhaps if they talked, she might want to grab lunch with him after lab or—dare he think it—go out on a date.

With renewed determination Rick began searching the other rooms on his floor, but he was derailed by the same reasons that kept him away for the prior hour: people. Nearly everyone who crossed his path wanted to say hello to him and hold a ten minute conversation. Normally, he would not have minded this one bit, but he was a man on a missions.

After almost another half hour of searching, he ended up back in his own room where Jeremy and Pete were competing against another roommate pair for the beer pong championship.

"You guys haven't seen Kate, have you?"

"Who?" Pete asked while his cohort took aim.

"Kate. My lab partner. The hot girl from physics class." He clarified for his inebriated friend.

"Ohhh yeah. Shitty luck, bro. Better luck next time."

Rick blinked. "Shitty luck? What does that mean?"

"Saw her going upstairs with that guy—you know the one."

Clearly he didn't as there were dozens of men that lived in his dorm and dozens extra attending the party that night. "Which one?"

"The one with the hair, you know—sun bleach."

Rick groaned inwardly. He knew only of one male in his building that fit that description. He lived on the third floor and they referred to him as Douche-face, not just because he had dyed the ends of his hair a brighter shade of blonde that existed in nature, but because he always seemed to have a holier-than-thou expression on his face, which was equally personified in his horrible personality. Surely, this could not be. Kate—the no-nonsense girl who had shut down his pen twirling game—would never be able to stand _that_ guy…would she?

"You're kidding?" he asked in a rather defeated tone.

Pete shook his head as he rolled the ball between his palms. "Nah. I saw him taking her up to his place, though she looked like she was about to pass out so I don't know how much fun she'll be."

While his friend sniggered, Rick did a double take. About to pass out…that didn't seem right. He knew the room across the hall only had beer, not liquor, so assuming she hadn't done a keg stand—and he really didn't think she was the type—how had she consumed enough alcohol in ninety minutes to pass out? Besides, considering he had to twist her arm in to taking a cup, he didn't exactly thing she was the drink-til-I-pass-out type. A sinking feeling formed in the pit of Rick's stomach and he had a horrible suspicion something was not right.

Turning on his heel, Rick hurried out into the crowded hall and pushed his way towards the stairs. After nearly tripping over a couple publicly going to second base and clearly not caring about it, he bounded up the steps two at a time. He rounded the doorway into the third floor hall and found it mercifully nearly empty. Rick knew that Douche-face lived towards the end of the hall, but he did not know in exactly which room nor did he know the man's actual name so the door decorations would do him no good.

Two doors from the end of the hall, he heard it—the sound that made his blood freeze up in his brain.

"N-no, whateryo—sssop."

The woman's voice was garbled, clearly slurred, but the clear "no" was all Rick needed. Sweat forming on his brow, he charged towards the end of the hall and froze at the two doors in front of him. One was labeled with the name Dillon and Tyler. The white board adorning their door contained a well done drawing of the Yankees logo. The opposite door—the one with the names Craig and Matthew—held a white board with a cartoon male complete with spiked hair, sunglasses and, if Rick was not mistaken, a polo shirt with a popped collar. Douche-face.

His knuckles poised above the door, Rick was a millisecond from knocking when he heard the muffled "No" again. Screw knocking, he thought, and moved his hand directly to the door handle. Mercifully, it turned.

If given an appropriate amount of time to think about what he'd heard and the context of the party, Rick probably could have predicted the scenario he saw inside, yet he had neither the time nor the brain power. Thus, when he opened the door he was shocked at what he found.

The room itself was dim, lit only by the ambient glow from a lit fish tank. Just inside the door, lying on her left side on the bed, was Kate. Beside her stood Douche-face. The light from the hall enabled Rick to observe the scene before him: Douche-face's right hand on Kate's forehead, his left holding his penis against her half open mouth. The young man's head had whipped around at the sound of the door opening and for the space of one second they stared at each other. Then, Rick reacted on instinct.

"What the fuck are you doing!? Get off her!" He charged into the room and without second thought grabbed the smaller man's shoulder and pulled him away from the bed.

"What the—get the fuck off me, man! What the fuck are you doing?"

Rick ignored the man completely and leaned over to look at Kate. He touched her right shoulder, but she didn't react; her eyes were closed and her jaw still hung slack.

"I said what the fuck are you doing? This is a private party, bro."

Again, Rick ignored him. He crouched down a bit further and delicately skimmed his fingers over her jaw. "Kate? Kate? Can you-"

"I said-"

Rick reacted instantly to the feeling of the assailant's hand on his shoulder. He spun around while simultaneously slapping the man's hand away. Douche-face recoiled and stumbled back towards the bed on the opposite side of the room which, given his manhood still hung out of his jeans, may have been comical had Rick not been so infuriated.

Recovering from his stumble, Douche-face regained his footing and squarely faced Rick. "What the hell, asshole! The lady and I were just having some fun."

Rick could hardly focus on him through his red-cloud filled vision. In one instant, the man across from him had gone from annoying jerk to bottom dwelling scum of the earth. The fact that he had caught him doing what he was doing to any woman would have been horrifying. But to his friend? It made him want to vomit. "The lady is passed out and she's coming with me."

Douche-face laughed. He _laughed_.

Rick balled his fists, never feeling a stronger urge to strike out, but he managed to suck in a deep breath and regain his composure. This was not the moment to deal with Douche-face, not when Kate was unresponsive to his touch; he needed to make sure she was all right.

"Look, bro, I get it—you're jealous. You wanted some pu—what are you doing?"

"I said I'm taking her with me." Rick grunted when he picked up Kate's limp frame from the bed. She wasn't terribly heavy, but her dead weight certainly wasn't making things any easier. When he turned to move towards the exit, Douche-face scoffed.

"Whatever. Take your sister and go."

Rick completely ignored him, focusing only on moving out into the hallway with Kate while not accidentally hitting her head, feet, or any other part of her body on the doorframe. It was a difficult task, but he managed. Unfortunately, ten steps later as he neared the stairs, a careless man charged out of his room and knocked into them both. He apologized and hurried off towards the stairs but Kate had still been jostled.

Once at the entrance to the stairs, Rick used the railing as leverage to hoist Kate into a more stable position. When he did this, he heard her groan and took that as a positive sign, so he sat down on the top step with her effectively sitting in his lap. "Kate?" He brought his hand up to touch her cheek. One of her eyes cracked open.

"Ri-ick?" She croaked out.

"Yeah it's—oh." He groaned, deflated, when her eyes shut and her head rolled back against his arm. With a sigh, he grabbed her once more with his left arm under her thighs and his right around the middle of her back. With her slipping back into unconsciousness, he really had no other choice. "Okay, Kate," he said mostly for his own comfort, "just hang in there; we're going to the hospital."


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thank you to everyone for your reviews_

 ** _Trigger warning:_** _This chapter makes mention to a sexual assault that previously happened, but no detail is given._

* * *

 **Chapter Three**

Sitting on a stool at the eat-at kitchen counter, Rick Castle sipped gently on his mug of coffee and stared out the tiny kitchen window. It didn't offer much in terms of a view as the most prominent feature that could be seen was the brick wall of the apartment building next door. Mainly, it served as a way to see if it was raining or snowing outside. Though, in the very early morning, faint hints of sunline peeked through the corners of the window frame.

As a college student, Rick was not often awake at dawn (unless he had not yet been to bed), but the prior night sleep had practically refused to come. His mind spun with thoughts of Kate, what had happened to her, and what might have happened had he not had the urge to seek her out, or had Pete not seen her ascending the stairs with her attacker. Such thoughts were too unsettling to allow his brain to relax enough to sleep.

The prior evening, Rick had taken Kate to the hospital only to find himself quickly pulled off into an empty exam room and questioned by police. For the first minute he was extremely defensive, but then he realized how it looked: college guy shows up in the ER with a passed out girl. Okay, he could see their point. Still, the fact that it was nearly midnight and he had more than a few beers did not make things any easier.

Again and again he went through the story. He lost track of just how many times—at least five if not six or seven. Fortunately, as his truthful tale remained consistent, the officers eventually allowed him to leave their makeshift interrogation chamber so long as he left his name and contact phone number in case they needed to reach out to him again. Once released, he went off in search of Kate, but was immediately stopped by the nurses. He was not family, they said, and was thus not permitted to see Kate at that time.

Disappointed and more than a little disoriented from exhaustion, Rick left the hospital and began walking back towards his dorm. He was halfway through his trek when the reality what had happened hit him: Kate had been drugged and sexually assaulted at a party in his dorm; a party she was at by his invitation.

Though he initially believed she was passed out from drinking too much alcohol, the more questions the officers asked him, the more it became clear there was drug involvement; it wasn't that hard to figure out. Other than perhaps a little marijuana, Rick was not aware of any drugs at the party and that certainly wasn't his intention. He just wanted to drink some beer with his friends and have some fun. Apparently Douche-face had other plans.

The further he walked, the more the guilt settled in. This was his fault. Kate was in the hospital and it was his fault. If he hadn't invited her—if he hadn't pushed her to have that drink…

By the time he was two blocks from his dorm he knew he couldn't go inside. The party would still be going on and he truly did not want to face any of them—least of all Douche-face. He did not trust himself not to go up an extra flight of stairs and pummel the bastard, so he made a sharp right turn and descended into the nearest subway. Twenty minutes later he found himself back in his childhood room and collapsed in the bed without a second though.

Though he slept easily between one and three a.m. the rest of the early morning was spent tossing and turning, thinking of things he could have done differently, wondering if Kate was going to be okay or if whatever drugs she had been slipped (he felt it safe to assume she hadn't taken them voluntarily) would have lasting effects.

Finally, at six thirty he gave up on sleep and shuffled his way to the kitchen to make coffee. He hadn't moved from the stool in the hour since and probably would not have if it wasn't for his mother entering the kitchen and asking, "Richard, darling, what are you doing here?"

"Morning Mother," he sighed into his cup, continuing his blank stare out the uninteresting window. "Sorry if I woke you."

She walked over to the counter, poured herself a mug of coffee and then turned to face him. She wrapped her lime green robe tighter around her body and tied the strings to keep it closed. Then, she turned her ice-blue eyes knowingly on her son. "Okay, Kiddo. Spill it. What's going on?"

Rick gave her a half smile before setting down his coffee and clasping his hands in front of him, not really sure where to begin. Strange as it seemed sometimes, Rick had always had a more buddy-buddy relationship with his mother than a traditional parent-child one. He often attributed this to the fact that he grew up without every knowing his father and with his mother's busy and often unpredictable career as an actress, they had to rely on each other to make their way through.

Martha Rodgers had never exactly been overly nurturing or motherly, but she always tried to do right by him: sending him to private school over public and making sure he'd had every opportunity she could possibly give him. The older he got, she treated him more like a peer than a child and he appreciated that. Though, in moments like that one, he really just needed a parent to tell him that everything was going to be okay.

"I, ah, had a bit of a rough night." He began despite the fact that his statement had been a world-class undersell.

For the next several minutes he briefed her on how he had met Kate, subsequently invited her to his party, and then the details of the prior night. As he relived them, the ice began to flow through his veins once more. "I just…I feel like such an idiot. I invited her to the party thinking I could ask her out and she was…" He stopped himself short of saying the words aloud. Of course he'd heard stories of girls being sexually assaulted at parties, but just hearing those stories made the concept too abstract. Having it happen at _his_ party, to _his_ friend and bearing witness to it himself? He doubted it was a moment he would soon—if ever—get over. "This is my fault."

"Oh, Richard, no." His mother walked over and skimmed her hand across his shoulder. "This is absolutely not your fault—how could it be?"

"I invited her to the party."

Martha shook her head. "And this could have just as easily happened to anyone, horrible as it is to say. Or it could have happened to Kate at a different event on a different evening. You had absolutely nothing to do with this."

"Still…" He brought his hands up to rub across his face. "Kate's probably still in the hospital and—god! She's in the hospital. I am an idiot! I'm thinking about me and she's…do you think it'll upset her if I go visit her?"

"Oh, I doubt it. You were a very good friend to her last night and she'll appreciate it."

Rick nodded, hoping she was right. Finishing the last of his coffee, he pushed himself off his stool with renewed determination. "I'm going to go see her and I think I'll bring her flowers." Before he could step away, his mother placed her hand on his shoulder, rose up on her toes, and kissed his cheek. "What was that for, he asked?"

She smiled and patted both cheeks with her hands. "I raised a good man."

* * *

Clearing his throat, Rick Castle stopped in front of the apartment door of one James Beckett, JD. He rolled his shoulders and clutched a bit tighter to the bouquet of wild flowers in his hand. Realizing that his palms were actually quite clammy, he quickly wiped his right palm against the side of his jeans before gripping the flowers firmly with his right fingers and doing the same to the left palm. All told, it had been one of his more interesting Sunday mornings to date and he wagered it was about to become even more so.

Immediately after leaving his mother's apartment he went directly to the hospital, but the first administrative assistant he spoke to refused to tell him anything. Two more admins and a nurse later he found out Kate was released, which put him on a path to her dorm room. Fortunately, he had snuck a peak at the ID tag on her messenger bag during their second week of class so he knew her exact dorm and room assignment.

After knocking for almost two full minutes, a very sleepy looking, scantily clad blonde opened the door. Rick inquired about Kate, but she said she wasn't there. It was only when Rick mentioned the hospital that the girl became alarmed. She—Maddy, as he discovered—then quickly checked her phone and found a voicemail from Kate saying she was going to her father's. After some coercion and begging, Maddy provided the correct address.

With one final deep breath, Rick knocked on the apartment door and waited, his heart fluttering inside his chest all the way up until a man with salt-and-pepper hair opened the door and asked, "May I help you?"

"H-hi," he began, his voice squeaking at first. "I, um, I'm looking for Kate."

Kate's father looked him up and down for a moment before saying, "I'm sorry, she's under the weather and not seeing anyone right now."

Rick nodded; he could not honestly say this shocked him. "That's, um, fine. I don't want to bother her. I'm Rick, by the way—her lab partner—and I-"

"Wait." The elder man cut him off. "Are you the one that took her to the hospital?"

Rick let out a deep breath and his heart rate dropped at least fifteen beats per minute. At least Kate had mentioned him; that was a good sign. "Yes, sir."

Kate's father offered a small smile and he stepped aside, opening the door a bit wider. "C'mon in, Rick." Once Rick stepped inside, he extended his hand and introduced himself as Jim Beckett. Rick shook the man's hand and immediately inquired about the status of his daughter, stating that the hospital would not tell him anything.

"Well, she was drugged, I'm afraid—GHB." The father informed him as worry lines creased his forehead. Rick felt his stomach drop. Of course; the date rape drug. "She's a bit foggy right now and sleeping a lot, but the hospital assured me she'd be okay in a few days. In the meantime, I've been in contact with the police regarding the charges we'll be pressing on that man. They said you can identify him?"

Rick bobbed his head. "I know who he is, but I don't know his name." It did not surprise Rick in the least that Kate's father was taking a firm legal stance. One of the only personal facts he had been able to get out of her was that her father was a law professor at NYU. At least, that's what she'd told him when he asked her why she chosen to attend there instead of another school.

"Well, that should be a help."

"I hope so. Really, I'll do anything I can—testify if I need to. I'm just so sorry about all of this."

Jim tilted his head to the side as he gazed at the younger man. "Why's that?"

Rick dropped his chin and gazed up at the man from beneath his brow line. If he had a tail, it would have been between his legs. "Because I invited her to the party. If I hadn't-"

"This isn't your fault, son; not in the least. If anything, I share some of the blame."

That time, it was Rick's brow that wrinkled. "You sir?"

Jim skimmed his hand over his chin and down to his neck. He turned towards the main seating area of the apartment and took a few steps before turning back. "Things haven't been easy for Katie since her mother died."

"I…" Rick started, but then no words came out. Since her mother died?! "O-oh, I'm sorry; I didn't know." When Maddy informed him that Kate went to her father's apartment, he had assumed that meant her parents were divorced and she was simply going to her father's over her mother's for whatever reason. At the time, the "why" hadn't been important; it had been overshadowed by his desire to make sure she was all right, but now, in an instant, everything made sense. The sadness in Kate's eyes—it was from the loss of her mother.

Jim let out a long breath. "Doesn't surprise me; Katie doesn't talk about it. And then with me—I'm a recovering alcoholic—sorry," he cut himself off as though he'd revealed a dark family secret. He shook his head and gave a sad little shrug. "I shouldn't be saying this. It's just…Katie's been speaking about you like you're a friend and she doesn't have too many of those, so I thank you for that."

Rick had to admit to being surprised by that comment. Kate talked about him like he was a friend? That was…unexpected. He didn't mind, of course. He would gladly be her friend, but she was a hard one to read and, without her father's comment, he would have thought them no more than classmates. Then again, saving her from an assault probably bumped him at least to the "acquaintance" category.

"Trust me, it's my pleasure." Rick smiled and nodded his head towards the elder man. After a few seconds of silence he said, "I guess I should be going. If you wouldn't mind giving her these and-"

"Dad, where's—Rick!"

Both men's attention sharply turned towards the sound of the girl's voice. She entered the sitting area from a hall to the left and appeared just as stunned as they were. As it was his first glimpse of her since she had looked so pale and small lying limply on a hospital gurney, Rick took her in. She wore red and purple plaid flannel pajama pants and a long-sleeved red shirt. Her hair was knotted into a messy bun at the crown of her head. Despite the dark circles under her eyes, to Rick she looked as lovely as ever.

"H-hi." Rick said after almost a full thirty seconds of staring at her.

Kate folded her arms over her chest and looked at her father before looking back to Rick. "W-what are you doing here? How did you find me?"

"Maddy." He confessed sheepishly. "Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. And to bring you these." He held the flowers out with his arm fully extended. He even leaned back a few inches so that she would not have to come any closer to him than she felt comfortable with.

Somewhat awkwardly, she plucked the bouquet from his hand and brought it close to her chest as she mumbled out a thank you. "You didn't have to bring me anything."

"'s no trouble. I also wanted to apologize for what happened."

Her expression turned curious. "But…you're the one who saved me from something worse happening, right?" She glanced at her father again. "I…I don't remember, but the police told us what happened. Rather—what you told them happened."

Rick nodded. He couldn't imagine what she was going through. Not remembering the night before. Having to hear from an armed police officer that she'd been assaulted and brought to the hospital unconscious. It must have been terrifying.

"Thank you, by the way." Her soft voice pulled him from his internal thoughts and he looked up at her, tentative. She offered a smile. "Not many people would have done that."

"Oh, ah, well, you're welcome." Now feeling a bit nervous since her father was just a few feet away watching them, Rick stuffed his hands down into his pockets. "Is there anything else I can do for you? I'll, ah, bring you the notes from physics tomorrow. Do you have any other classes? I can go to them for you and take notes."

Much to his surprise, a light chuckle escaped her lips and she said, "That's insane."

He shrugged. "I don't mind."

She stepped forward and shook her head. "Rick, please; you've done enough. And I plan on going to my classes tomorrow. I feel fine, just a little tired and I have a headache I can't shake."

He nodded. "Okay, well, I'll let you rest." He had only taken two steps towards the exit when she called out his name. Turning back, he saw she still clutched his flowers and her smile had grown a bit larger.

"Thank you."

He smiled in return. "You're welcome."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

For the first time in his academic career, Rick Castle set his alarm to awake him one hour before the start of his Monday morning class. As he usually tried to cut his before class waking time as tightly as possible, this was unprecedented, but he had a very good reason.

Promptly at nine twenty-five, freshly showed, wearing a nice plaid button down shirt (a blue tone to bring out his eyes), Rick walked into physics carrying not one but two cups of coffee along with his rucksack. As many of the NYU's student body shared his opinion of early Monday morning classes, only about a third of his classmates had arrived by that point and Kate was not among them, but that was okay. Rick was glad to have arrived first so he would be sure to greet her when he came in.

He made his way back to the twentieth row, but instead of sitting he placed his rucksack on the aisle seat and stood in front of it, his eyes trained on the door. Fortunately, it only took about another minute for her to walk in wearing her green coat with her messenger bag slung over her shoulder. As she ascended the stairs, she looked up and caught his eyes; he grinned at her.

"Morning Kate," he said when she was five steps away from him. He held out the take-away cup in his left hand and added, "This is for you."

"O-oh." Kate stopped on the step below him, surprise etched across her face. She extended her gloved hand slowly and took the cup. "Thanks. You, um, didn't have to."

He merely shrugged. "Though you could use an extra pick-me-up this morning." Plus, he still felt guilty about what had happened to her, and this was just one more tiny way to compensate.

She took a sip of the beverage and a smile spread across her face. "A vanilla latte."

He bobbed his head and mentally patted himself on the back for his observational skills. "Yeah, um, I saw you with one a couple times."

Her brow creased. "How would you know what's in the cup?"

"Oh, um, I read what was written on the side…"

She blinked. "That's kind of creepy."

"Sorry!" Busted—he was totally bused! But, really, he meant nothing by it. He observed her just like he observed others. It's what writers did. Besides, when her cup was sitting on the lab table in between them, it wasn't as though it took high-powered binoculars to read the label showing its contents. Deciding a subject change was warranted, he asked, "So, um, are you feeling better?"

She bobbed her head and ascended the stairs until she reached the second row from the back, her preferred seating area. Rick picked up his rucksack and followed. "Better, yes. Getting up this morning was a bit rough, but the Advil took care of my headache so, yeah, I'm doing ok."

"Great! That's great because-"

"Yo Ricky! What are you doing? Wrong row, bud."

Rick turned to see Pete and Jeremy standing in front of their regular row, backpacks slung over their shoulders. Yet another reason he wanted to get to class early: he was hoping to change his unofficial seating assignment, possibly permanently, but definitely for that day. "Actually, I'm going to sit with Kate today. I mean, if she doesn't mind," he added when he turned back to her. She shrugged, so he gave his friends a smile and sat down beside her at the end of the row.

"Actually, um, I'm glad you're sitting here."

Rick's heart took flight at Kate's words. Endless possibilities for their future swam through his mind and he did his best to suppress them before hearing her reasoning. "Oh?"

She took another sip of latte and nodded. "Yeah, um, what's your schedule like today? I don't have anything after this until one; I was hoping we could grab lunch."

Lunch? Oh he could definitely do lunch. Lunch could lead to so many other things like dinner and walking hand-in-hand down New York City streets. She would, of course, need time to recover emotionally from her assault and he was perfectly fine with that, but perhaps, in the future… "I have a twelve thirty, so it'll need to be a bit early, but yeah, absolutely."

"Great. I, um, wanted to ask you some questions about Saturday night if you don't mind. My father and I are meeting with a lawyer after my class this afternoon. And, by the way, he'll probably be contacting you too," she added with a nervous laugh.

He shook off her concern. "It's no problem at all." He'd already been contacted by the police again the prior afternoon to confirm the identity of Kate's assailant. Rick had been able to provide the correct room number, but at the time did not know whether Douche-face was Matthew or Craig. As it turned out, Matthew Davis was African-American, which meant it was easy for the police to determine Craig O'Donnell to be the gentlemen they needed to question.

She flashed him a small smile, locking her fingers around the take-away coffee cup. "Thanks Rick."

* * *

At eleven-fifteen, Kate walked into the student dining hall and leaned against the wall off to the side to wait for her lab partner. How it was only lunch time, she wasn't sure. As far as her body clock, it may as well have been eleven p.m., but the doctors had warned her that she would feel extra tired for the next week. Thank god for Rick's latte.

 _Rick_.

Her perception of him had certainly taken a one-eighty over the course of that weekend, hadn't it?

In all honesty, she was still processing the events of the Saturday night party. That was one of the reasons she wanted to talk to him—to hear it directly from the eye witness rather than regurgitated from a written statement read in a monotone by a police officer. She knew that in the days and weeks to come she would continue to process what happened, but one thing that had been changed most unexpectedly was how she felt about him.

What Rick had done, the actions he had taken, had saved her from a far worse fate, and she was thankful for that. If he had done nothing else, she would have held him in a higher regard than just a sometimes irritating twenty-something whom she sat beside in a physics lab. Yet, his actions over the prior twenty-four hours spoke volumes: delivering her flowers, wanting to find out if she was all right, bringing her coffee. To her, this proved the events of Saturday night had not been him reacting purely on instinct, but that he was a genuinely kind, thoughtful person and she appreciated that more than words could express.

When her lab partner arrived they made their way through the lines with the other students. He chose a breaded chicken sandwich with fries and a brownie. As she still wasn't feeling the best, Kate went with vegetable soup and a roll. She picked out a two-seater table tucked against the wall for them to sit out so they could have their conversation in private.

"I was, um, hoping you could go through everything again for me—what happened Saturday night."

He picked up a ketchup-smeared fry and looked at her cautiously. "Everything?"

She nodded in confirmation. Yes, hearing it again—hearing about the terrible things that happened to her without her recollection—would be difficult. She didn't _want_ to hear it, but she needed to. From the little bit of Googling she'd done the prior day, she knew accepting what happened to her was part of the healing process. Yes, it was terrible, but terrible things had happened to her before and she lived through them. She would live through this as well.

"You don't remember, right? Any of it?"

"The last thing I clearly remember was arriving at your building. I kind of remember talking to you, but only vaguely."

After taking a bite of his sandwich and a rather large gulp from his Coke bottle, Rick leaned his forearms against the table and began to tell Kate everything he knew about what happened. He also detailed his previous interactions with Craig, her assailant, to explain why he had been so confused and concerned when he heard she had gone off to his room. When he got to the part about finding her in Craig's room, he was clearly hesitant, but pushed through it as efficiently as he could. At the end of the tale, Kate asked a few questions for clarification and then thanked him once again for helping her.

"I just wish I could have done more," he said with a rather sad smile.

"You did more than enough." She promised. Then, after ripping a chunk off her roll, she decided to lighten their conversational mood by asking, "So, um, what's your major again? Something with English, right?"

He bobbed his head. "English with a specialization in creative writing, yes."

"You want to be a writer?" she guessed.

"Technically, I am one; I've published a book."

Kate nearly choked, having never expected that response. "You…what?"

"It, ah, went to print earlier this year; it'll be in stores in May."

Kate's jaw hung open. What? Seriously— _what!?_ From the way he spoke with downcast eyes and a tone that indicated he was telling his mother about the lamp he broke accidentally, it sounded as though he was apologizing for the action instead of celebrating, which she would have been doing had she been in his shoes. It baffled her. "You're kidding!"

"No."

"You wrote a book?"

"Yes."

She let out a light laugh—unbelievable! And fascinating. "What's it called?"

 _"In a Hail of Bullets_ ; it's a mystery."

Again, he used the apologetic tone she didn't understand. Shaking her head, she said, "Wow, um, that's incredible. Congratulations! How…how do you even publish a book?"

"Well," he began, a slightly cheeky expression creeping into his face, "first you have to write the book…"

She twisted her lips to the side and gave him a perturbed expression. "I know that, genius."

As they continued to eat, he briefly explained the process of writing, editing, finding an agent, and ultimately finding a publisher. Having no background knowledge of how books were published, Kate asked plenty of questions, and Rick answered each of them with a smile. Truthfully, she found the whole thing fascinating. More so, she never would have expected Rick, her lab partner, to be a mystery writer. He really was surprising her that week!

"It was a long process, but it'll definitely be worth it to see my book on display in book stores."

She smiled at him. "I can only imagine."

"And, in hindsight, I guess it wasn't that grueling. I mean, I'm getting a book published at twenty-one—before I've even graduated college. I really have no right to complain compared to how others struggle. I'm very lucky. At this point the worst part is just changing my name on everything."

Kate blinked. "You're…what?"

He nodded as he pushed his now empty tray aside. "My name. I'm publishing under the name Richard Castle and rather than just use a pen name I'm actually legally changing it."

Her brow wrinkled. "What's wrong with Richard Rodgers?" she asked, referring to the name she had seen written on his class assignments.

He shrugged. "Just doesn't sound as catchy, I guess. The agent suggested I pick a pen name and that's the one I chose, but going through life with two names is weird. I thought it would be easier to switch. Course, that was before I actually stared to go through the whole insane process," he added with a laugh.

"And…your parents don't mind?"

He drained his Coke bottle before shaking his head. "'s just my mom and she doesn't care."

Kate hummed to herself, taking that interesting bit of knowledge in before she asked, "How long have you been writing?"

"Oh um…since I was ten. Feels like forever."

"Nearly half your life."

"True."

Kate skimmed her teeth across her bottom lip, still taking in the shocking knowledge; she absolutely needed to know more. "So what's the book about? _In a Hail of Bullets_?"

His expression brightened. "You wanna read it? You can borrow a copy. We can stop by my place after this and—oh shit." He reacted to the way her expression paled. "I'm so sorry I didn't even-"

She shook her head. "Of course you didn't; it's fine." She knew he meant nothing offensive by what he said; he was just excited about his book. Normally, she wouldn't have minded, but as his dorm building was the "scene of the crime" so to speak she was not quite yet ready to go back there.

"You know what? Don't worry about it. I'll just bring a copy with me to physics on Wednesday."

"Thanks."

He nodded his head. "So, your major is pre-law, right? Like your dad?"

She gave a half smile. She could probably have written her own book to explain her chosen major, but she had no intentions to do so. Instead, she merely replied with a vague, "Sort of."

"What did your mom do before she died?"

Kate felt her blood turn to ice in her veins the instant the question left his lips. How had he—How did he-? She never told him—that was for certain. Her mother was a subject she _did not discuss_. Period. End of sentence.

Rick cleared his throat. "Your, um, dad told me that she-"

"I don't want to talk about her." Kate cut him off sharply. Then, she began cleaning up her lunch, making sure her spoon and napkins were all back on the tray. Feeling the vice begin to close around her throat she muttered out, "I have to go."

"I'm sorry. I didn't-"

She shook her head as she stood up and held her tray in one hand and her jacket and messenger bag in the other. "I'll see you later."

Rick stood as well, saying, "Kate, I'm sorry," but she refused to look at him. Instead, she took off towards the exit with barely a muttered goodbye. Talking about or thinking about her mother was generally a topic that brought her instantly to tears. In her already emotionally rattled state, she figured the likelihood of her crying was so high it was practically a certainty. She did not want to cry in front of everyone in the cafeteria including Rick, who while kind, still had not reached that level of friendship. That just wasn't something she was ready for.


	5. Chapter 5

**Trigger warning** : A previous sexual assault is mentioned graphically in this chapter, but no assault takes place in the chapter.

* * *

 **Chapter Five**

"You and Rick are going on a date right?"

Kate's eyes flicked towards her roommate as she finished shrugging on her coat and pulling the end of her ponytail out of the collar. "What? No." This was absolutely, one hundred percent not a date.

True, the assignment to visit the Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum did not specifically need to be done with their lab partners, but when Rick had suggested they go together after her Friday class she did not see a reason to turn him down. "It's something for class and we're just going together." She explained.

In the three weeks since _the incident_ as she was referring to it, she and Rick had certainly made a jump from classmates to friends. After leaving him so abruptly in the cafeteria she did not see him until their next physics class when he came in with a latte, a copy of his book, and an apology. Kate insisted it was she who needed to apologize to him. Her reaction was rude owning to the fact that of course he had not meant his innocent question to offend her. It was merely a subject she was overly sensitive towards and she politely asked that he not talk about it again; he agreed.

Since then, they had several interactions outside of class when she, Rick, and her father met with the lawyer representing her. Unsurprisingly, Craig—rather, Craig's father—had hired his own lawyer to fight the sexual assault and battery charge. His argument was that Kate had agreed to have oral sex with him and that she just _happened_ to fall asleep when she lay on the bed and he hadn't quite realized when Rick barreled in the room.

When he had heard that, Rick nearly went through the roof. He insisted he would do whatever it took—including take a polygraph test—to make sure that Craig wasn't able to shake the charges as he was one hundred percent guilty. Though she felt embarrassed he needed to be involved to that level, Kate certainly was thankful for his dedication and commitment.

Maddy sighed heavily as she flopped down on her bed. The girl already seated there—Jen, a classmate from Maddy's management class—scooted over to make room for the blonde. "C'mon Bex! He's good looking…ish."

Kate's brow wrinkled at that strange sounding statement. "I guess."

"Who is this?" Jen asked.

"Rick—Kate's knight in shining armor."

Jen's brow arched, intrigued. "What does that mean?"

Maddy briefed her classmate on the situation from which Rick had saved Kate. Meanwhile, Kate ignored them, double checking her messenger bag to make sure she had everything she needed for her assignment. It was only when she heard Maddy ask, "So, you're not going to go out with him at all?" that she rejoined the conversation.

Picking up her messenger bag with a shrug Kate said, "I'm not going out with anyone, especially not after what happened last month."

"You're kidding!" Jen chimed in with a light laugh. "That? That was no big deal."

Kate's jaw dropped; she could hardly believe what she was hearing. "Excuse me?"

"What that guy did—I mean, I don't even think that's really rape."

The girls light tone indicated Kate's assailant had merely grabbed her ass or perhaps even just brushed against her arm. Not…. Kate could hardly even think straight, she was filled with so much rage. "I cannot believe you just said that."

Jen shrugged. "It's true."

"A strange man had his penis in my mouth—what _would_ you call that?"

"A Friday night."

Kate actually felt her stomach lurch at the sight of the girl's smirk. What an absolutely horrible thing to say! She would have liked to think that had the girl known about the continued legal saga, she would have thought differently, but that probably wasn't the case.

Turning to Maddy, Kate searched the blonde's face for support, but her roommate's lips were atypically sealed. Despite being filled with anger, this lack of action also filled Kate with sadness. She and Maddy had been friends for a decade. When she told Maddy was happened in all the gory details, she had been sympathetic and horrified, particularly upon discovering that Kate had been a victim of the date rape drug. Now, to sit there in silence and not even attempt to defend her…? Then again, Kate supposed, Maddy wasn't always the best when dealing with heavy emotional situations. In the weeks following her mother's death Maddy had struggled to look at her or speak to her other than to say she was sorry. Still, she had been fifteen then, so such a reaction was more understandable.

"Unbelievable." Kate hissed under her breath as she made her way towards the exit. As she passed them, Maddy finally spoke up.

"Kate is pressing charges against that asshole for assault."

"Look," Jen continued with a heavy exhale, "I'm not saying what he did was a good thing. He definitely deserves, like, a fine or what's that other thing? Community service. But still, it's no big deal—just move on."

Feeling her blood begin to boil, Kate whipped her head around and stared the girl down saying, "I hope one day you realize just how horrible what you just said is." Then, with one final look towards Maddy, who appeared as though she wanted to vanish into the floor, she hurried out into the hall, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

"Coffee—oh. What's wrong?"

Kate glanced up to see that Rick stood at the entrance to the ACE subway line, a small take-out cup of java in his outstretched arm. She muttered, "Nothing, thanks," before taking the cup, an action she had become quite accustomed to, as he brought her a caffeine fix almost every time they saw each other. She took her first sip midway down the stairs and smiled when the warm vanilla taste hit her tongue. Thanks to Maddy's friend she was in too foul a state for one of Rick's lattes to lighten her mood too much, but somehow the coffee always tasted better when it came from him—and she had not yet figured out why.

"C'mon." He enticed when they stepped into the waiting subway car. "It's a twenty minute trip and I'm a good listener."

She glanced at him tentatively and he waggled his eyebrows which brought a reluctant smile to her face. "It's fine, really. I just, ah, had a fight with my roommate and her friend that's all."

"A pillow fight?"

She grunted and flopped down in the closest empty seat, looking away from him. Ah, there was that overgrown child again. "Just forget it."

Rick sat down beside her and spoke genuinely. "No, I'm sorry; I'm being serious."

Kate pulled her messenger bag into her lap so it wasn't bumping against Rick's thigh in their tight two-seater bench. In doing so, her hand brushed against the side pocket and she felt the pamphlet inside crinkle. She pinched the edges between her index finger and thumb and pulled it out, laying it flat across the top of the bag.

 _Sexual Assault_. Those two words were beginning to feel like her new scarlet letter, but she didn't want that. That's why she took the pamphlet when the student councilor gave it to her; that's why she looked up the location and meeting times of the support group. She didn't want that dark cloud hanging over her forever.

She flipped the pamphlet up so Rick could see the title. "Res life gave me this. There are support group meetings and I was going to go, but after what she said…"

"What'd she say?"

Kate sucked in a deep breath and pushed out the words so quickly that the syllables seemed to run together. "That what happened to me wasn't really rape."

She heard him click his tongue before he said, "That's terrible; of course it was. What happened to you was despicable and no woman should ever have to endure that. The people at this group will understand that. And if they don't, you find a different group; there's got to be plenty in this city."

"Thank you for saying that." She slipped the pamphlet back into the bag's pocket and sighed. In a rare moment of openness, she shared her inner thoughts aloud. "I never thought I'd be the type that would seek therapy or a support group but...it's an odd feeling being affected in very strange ways by something you don't really remember. I'm hoping they can help me with that."

For Kate, the mere thought of going to therapy was nerve-wracking. She knew that in such a support group would require her to share her own experiences aloud and that was not something she would normally do. True, it would be in a safe environment of no judgement with women who had encountered far worse, but she still did not like opening up to strangers. Perhaps, in the end, the support group would not work for her and she would need to seek out one-on-one therapy, but it was at least worth giving a shot.

"What sort of strange ways? If you don't mind me asking. You don't have to say if you don't want to."

She looked at him and pressed her lips together, considering. "It's okay. Just…hard to put in words kind of. One thing is crowds—big groups. I used to ride a subway or a bus and never think twice, but now I don't like people touching me."

When these words left her lips, Rick notably leaned away and scooted as far from her as he could get in their cramped seat. Kate was caught off-guard by the action; until he moved away she honestly hadn't even taken much note of the fact that their shoulders and knees would brush together as the car rocked. Giving him a reassuring smile, she touched her fingers lightly to his forearm. "No, you're fine Rick. I meant strangers. Strange men. Stupid."

She shook her head, annoyed with herself. The first time it happened she hadn't even been thinking about it. It was Tuesday, three days after her assault, and she hopped on the bus to get to the library just as she always did. She had snagged a nail on her jacket during her walk and was examining it to see if it needed filed or clipped when someone brushed against her and her skin felt like it was crawling with a thousand ants.

As she had grown up in Manhattan, she had been on dozens of buses and subways in her lifetime and she could hardly remember a trip when she hadn't been brushed, nudged or bumped in some way. That time when the man listening to a Discman, clearly oblivious to her existence, touched her she bristled and purposely stepped away from him. Such an incident had occurred almost every time she subsequently took public transportation.

"Not stupid." Rick assured her. "Perfectly understandable. I hope the support group helps you."

* * *

Gazing casually at the museum's space travel display, which included the _Aurora 7_ , one of the first manned aircrafts in space, Rick could not help but think that his afternoon trip to Kate with the museum had not turned out as he expected—not in the least. They were making their way through their homework, answering questions based on various exhibits, and writing down facts for later calculations. None of it was difficult or, frankly, all that interesting. But spending time with Kate? That was fascinating.

He felt for her—he really did. Being sexually assaulted was not something he would wish on any person, but if Kate's mother had died and her father had struggled with alcoholism, he hated to see her have to suffer through anything else; her eyes already reflected enough sadness. Yet, she seemed to be almost happy with him. He'd seen a few soft smiles and had even made her laugh once at an incredibly lame space joke.

Now, as they circled the object that had carried pioneering American men into orbit, he found himself focusing more on her than on his worksheet. He watched the way her eyes grazed across the sign she read. The way she nibbled on her bottom lip as she wrote. The way the wisps of hair that had escaped her ponytail were framing her face. She was intoxicating.

"I think I would like space."

"Hmm?" he responded, not having heard her due to his intense staring.

"Space—I think I'd like it."

"Why's that?"

"No people."

He nodded recalling her comments from the subway. "You don't like being touched."

She looked over at him. "Not just because of what happened last month. I've always been that way to a degree. My parents used to joke I was born with a skeptical look on my face."

Rick could not help but laugh at this before proposing a solution to her. "You could become a bubble girl."

"A what?"

"You know— _The Boy in The Plastic Bubble_. We'll just get a giant hamster ball to stick you in. No one could touch you in there."

She nodded her head, clearly considering. "I think I've reached a people hating level that that actually sounds kind of nice."

Rick almost did a double take at her statement. "People hating? What? People are the best."

Her expression turned incredulous. "No they're not; people are the worst."

He shook his head. "You don't mean that." True, she hadn't had the best experience as of late and if she had said, "College guys are the worst," he couldn't have put up much of an argument to the contrary, but such a generality from someone so young made him sad.

"I do. People…do terrible things."

"Not all people, Kate." He pointed out softly. The last thing he wanted to do was be lumped in with the other humans she disliked.

She let out a mirthless laugh. "No, not all people, I suppose. Guess all the rapists and murderers have congregated around me…"

Rick stopped walking abruptly when her flippant comment hit him. Somehow, he just knew and—oh god! How horrifying! "Your mom..." When he saw her shoulders tense, he quickly added, "I-I know you don't like to talk about her but was she-"

"Yes."

He felt his entire body deflate. "Oh Kate."

She whipped her head around to face him and her words came out so sharply he felt as though he'd almost been slapped. "I don't-"

"I know." He promised gently. She had made herself abundantly clear weeks earlier and he wasn't going to pry; he had promised not to. "I won't say anything more about it other than I'm very sorry that happened to you."

She gave him a terse nod before walking out the door leading to the other exhibits.

* * *

Kate stood on the pier deck, her arms loosely resting on the railing as she gazed out across the Hudson River to Union City, New Jersey. It was not exactly one of the city's more picturesque landscapes, but she wasn't there to sightsee. She simply wanted a chance to breathe and let the spring breeze rustle through her hair before returning to the bus stop so they could make their way back to campus.

To her left, Rick stood in a similar position, his arms resting on the railing, only instead of gazing out at the murky water, he looked at her. She had become accustomed to a certain amount of gawking from him over the prior few weeks. It wasn't creepy per-se; simply odd. He stared at her like he was trying to see what was written beneath her skin; the reason she was who she was.

Most times, she would look over, catch his eye, startle him, and he would look away. She never knew quite why he was looking or what he was trying to figure out until that moment. It was all but written on a neon billboard above his head. For a reason she did not quite understand, she decided to solve some of the mystery for him.

"I was sixteen."

Kate turned her head to the side to see he wore a hand-caught-in-the-cookie-jar expression.

"I-I didn't-"

"I know." She sighed, turning back to the water. "But you were not asking very loudly."

He was silent for a minute before he said, "I've never met my dad. It's just been my mom and I and though she drives me crazy, I can't imagine losing her, especially not at sixteen."

Her brow wrinkling, she looked over to him. "You never met your dad?" When she had asked about his parent's feelings on his name change and he had responded with only his mother's opinion she had assumed his parents were divorced or that his father had parted with their family on poor terms. Finding out Rick had never met his father was a twist she had not expected.

"Nope. Sad as it is, my mother doesn't even know his name."

Kate blinked. Talk about a twist! "You're kidding."

He shook his head. "No. According to my mother it was just one night. In the morning, he was gone and then nine months later I came along."

Kate merely stared at him. As hard as it was to lose her mother, she could not conceptualize never having one of her parents in her life. She would have thought such a thing would cause a gaping hole in the fabric of who she really was. "Wow I…that must have been hard for you."

"Well, I guess I always went by the 'can't miss what you never had' mantra but, yeah, it's sad to think I'll never meet him. Never even see him."

They stood silently for a few more minutes before Rick suggested they head back. As they walked he said, "I, ah, know you don't really want to be touched but if you ever, you know, want a hug or something…"

She looked over at him and smiled. Silly as it was, those sentiments made her feel a little bit better. "Thanks Rick; I'll keep that in mind."

* * *

 _A/N: As always, thank you so much for reading & reviewing!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Trigger warning:** this chapter mentions a sexual assault, though not graphically

* * *

 **Chapter Six**

"I hate that this is our last day of lab."

Kate glanced over at her partner as he let out a mournful sigh. He sat beside her, his head propped up with his left fist against his cheek. With the pen in his right hand, he drew lazy shapes in the corner of their final worksheet. They had been done for ten minutes and were waiting for the rest of the groups to complete their work before they reviewed it as a class for the final time.

"Why's that?" she asked, amused. "Wanna change your major to physics?"

"Um, no. I have a career, thanks. I just…I've enjoyed this semester with you."

She felt a bit of heat creeping into her cheeks. She would not have guessed his reasoning related in any way to her. It wasn't as though they would never see each other again after the end of that class. They had established enough of a rapport that she would be totally fine with meeting him for lunch now and then or perhaps even spending time together in a group setting. None the less, his sentiments were flattering. "Oh, um, thanks…but I can't say I'm all that disappointed this semester is over."

With absolute ease, that semester had slid into the top slot on her list of Worst Semesters Ever. Academically, she predicted it would be fine in the end, assuming she did not completely fail all her final exams (and she did not expect to). In all other aspects, however, it had been rough. Understandably, her assault case hit the hardest due to its traumatic nature and that it was so drawn out; it had only been wrapped up three weeks earlier.

During a hearing which consisted of more conversation about Craig's penis than she ever needed to hear in ten lifetimes let alone one, it was determined that Rick's eye witness account might not be enough to charge Craig with third degree sexual assault and rape. In addition, there was no definitive proof that Craig was the one who had drugged Kate with GHB or, if it was as lawyer stated, an unknown person or persons attending the party. With few other options, the prosecutor allowed Craig to plead guilty to the lesser charge of sexual battery and misconduct, which came only with a fine and probation, no jail time.

Immediately after hearing this from the Beckett family lawyer, Rick looked as though he was going to be physically ill. He began to apologize profusely and pleaded with the lawyer to give him another shot at testifying, promising he would be extra, extra convincing if given another chance on the stand. Kate stepped in and assured him that it wasn't his fault; these things just happened.

She had seen it many times through the eyes of her mother. Sometimes, the justice system just wasn't fair to the victims, and, as a victim, she had to accept that, hard as it was. Of course she didn't tell Rick about the first-hand knowledge she had, but she did assure him she blamed him in no way for what happened. Though it was only a small consolation, at least Craig would need to be registered as a sex offender for fifteen years in the state of New York, which was better than nothing.

"Although," Kate continued after more consideration, "the end of this semester means going back to work and this summer it'll be two jobs."

Rick's brow wrinkled. "What's the second one?"

"Starbucks and my internship."

He bobbed his head. "Oh right—forgot about the internship."

Kate hummed and tapped her pen against the desk. It was going to be a grueling few months for sure, but she had to make up for lost time. After her assault, she'd been fired from her job at a small coffee shop near campus for calling off sick for too many days. As her father pointed out, had she told them what actually happened they probably would not have fired her, and she agreed that was likely true, but she did not want to tell them what happened so she accepted their decision.

Her father then suggested she take the rest of the semester off from working so she could feel free to attend support group meetings whenever she wanted. As a recovering alcoholic, he knew just how important those meetings could be and offered to give her the cash she'd need for living expenses for the rest of the spring. She appreciated this greatly and it turned out to be a very positive decision; the support groups had helped her accept what had happened and continue along the path to healing.

Beside her, Rick grumbled and tossed down his pen. "Man you're going to be busy…when are we going to get to hang out?"

She let out a light laugh. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged. "You know, hang out—get lunch, go to a movie…stuff like that."

Kate felt her chest tighten at his words. Oh. So this was the moment was it? She'd been dreading it and therefore avoiding it as best she could, but she knew the subject could not be evaded forever. Really, the timing could not have been better. The semester was all but over. The only time they would be required to see each other again would be during their physics final and obviously there would not be a lot of time for open conversation then. Then they could just go their separate ways for the summer.

Despite what she needed to say, she wanted to do it delicately. He had been a better friend to her that semester than she could have hoped for and she never wanted to discount that. "Rick…you have been extremely kind to me this semester and the last thing I want to do is offend you but I don't want to date you."

She looked at him and saw a crease begin to form on his brow and his lips pressed tightly together; her heart did a summersault in her chest and she hoped he wouldn't yell at her for leading him on in the middle of their classroom. Instead, he did the opposite, and spoke very gently.

"But…we're friends, aren't we?"

"You just listed dates."

"Ah," he said, his expression brightening a bit, "but you see there's a very fine line between dating and friendship."

That time, it was her brow that wrinkled. What? That made no sense. "No. No there isn't."

"Sure there is! I mean, if you're speaking in very general terms. Two friends can go to lunch or a couple can go to lunch, but those lunches end in two very different ways."

Unable to suppress her curiosity, she humored him. "And those ways are…?"

"A handshake or sex."

Kate couldn't help but laugh. "Oh I see. That's how you define the difference between friendship and dating? And here I thought you were this bigshot writer. How'd you get published again?" She added with a bit more of a skeptical tone than was necessary all in a greater effort to tease him. It worked, and he grumbled at her.

"Very funny, Kate."

She did think it was funny—very funny. Almost immediately after he had given it to her, she read his book and, much to her delight, absolutely loved it. Not having known him for very long, she honestly was not sure what to expect, especially from his very first published work. She had read books in the past from established authors that she did not care for, or found to have subpar description or dialog, so simply because it had been published did not mean it was one of the greatest books ever written.

By the end of the very first chapter, Kate found that all her skepticism was completely unfounded. The book was an absolute joy to read. In fact, she stayed up until nearly two a.m.—past her usual midnight bedtime—to read as much as she could before Maddy threw a pillow at her so she would turn the light out. She finished it in two days and raved about it for at least a week after. Even more to her enjoyment was the fact that her praise had seemed to render the author speechless, which was a first since she'd met him.

"I'm sorry—you know I'm kidding. And…I guess if you want to go to a movie sometime as friends I'd be okay with that." He grinned and she added quickly, "But don't think it'll happen a lot—I'm going to be very busy."

"Oh," he said, leaning causally back in his seat, "I'm betting it'll happen more often than you think, Kate."

* * *

On the second Tuesday in June, Rick Castle stood outside the law offices of Beech, Stark, & Hamilton as the afternoon sun beat down on his back. _Damn_ if it was this hot before they'd even reached the official start of summer, what was it going to be like in August? Thankfully, his profession did not require him to work outdoors.

Rick adjusted the sunglasses on his face and began to pace the few hundred square foot area in front of the law office entrance. Today was his day—his big day—and he was glad she agreed to share it with him. Not just agreed—insisted. That meant more to him than he could ever say—just like she did.

Promptly after his last final, Rick grabbed the pre-packed duffle bags from his dorm room and headed back to his mother's apartment to begin his summer schedule of sleeping late and working on his next novel. Every summer leading up to that one he'd done as Kate was doing: he worked one or two jobs to enable him to pay for his tuition, books and other expenses. He'd put in his dues and, yeah, he couldn't retire on the ten thousand dollar advance he'd received from the publishing company for his first book, but that was a hell of a lot more than he'd make waiting tables. Plus, the publisher promised a higher advance for his second book assuming the first one was at least a mediocre success—and that was motivation.

Still, he did not plan to write every single day. He still needed to get out an experience the city, find inspiration. The first Saturday after the end of school he found that inspiration by way of taking his laptop to the Starbucks in which Kate worked. He sat at a table by the window, planning on people watching while working on one of the chapters of his novel. Instead, he found himself watching her.

By no means was the green hat and apron required of Starbucks workers a flattering ensemble, but Rick found his former partner to be completely adorable with her hair tucked up into the baseball hat. He enjoyed watching her because, as time went on, he could tell which of her smiles were polite and genuine and which were forced the more frustrated she became. He liked the way she would brush the hair out of her face with the back of her knuckles and how every now and then she would look over at him and he would give her a small wave.

In the four weeks since their last class together, Rick doubted he missed more than one or two of her shifts. He generally didn't stay for the whole six or eight hours—though sometimes on Saturday afternoons he did—but he at least stopped in to say hello. These trips had been easily incorporated into his routine and though Kate rolled her eyes every week when he asked for her schedule, the little smile she had on her face when she walked away from him made it all worthwhile; it was the best part of his day.

Ten minutes after he arrived, Rick spotted Kate stepping out of the law offices and scan her eyes across the sidewalk. He raised his hand and waved and she acknowledged it with a nod before trying to make her way across the busy stream of people walking up and down the sidewalk.

Though Rick found Kate adorable in her Starbucks uniform, she was certainly attractive in the dove gray suit she wore to her internship. The knee length skirt and matching blazer was tailored to her figure and displayed her assets in the best of ways. By the time she reached him, she too must have noticed the temperature of the afternoon, because she shrugged off her jacket and draped it over the arm carrying her purse, revealing a cream-colored short sleeve blouse beneath.

"Here," he said, holding out the newspaper that had previously been tucked under his arm. "I'll switch you."

"What's this?" She asked as she took the paper and he pulled the blazer from her grasp.

"Just read—there, under the fold." He watched as his stomach fluttered with anticipation. Her eyes searched the page, stopped, and then widened. She looked up with him with a huge grin and his chest constricted; he loved when she smiled.

"Rick! Oh my god!" she laughed happily. "Is this for real!?"

"I hope so!" he responded. She referred to his glowing review by the New York Times book reviewer. His mother had woken him up at seven fifteen so he could read it. At first, he was very annoyed with her, but once he read the review he hugged her and said he'd take her out for breakfast anywhere she wanted. Now, it was Kate's turn to see.

"'Richard Castle's inaugural novel rises impressively above the rest.'" She read. "' _In a Hail of Bullets_ is June's must read mystery.' RICK!" She squealed and grabbed onto his bicep with her hand. "This is phenomenal!"

"Thanks." Truly, it hadn't sunken in for him. Though it had been over ten hours, it still felt like the article was written about someone else. He did not imagine seeing the book displayed in a store would bring him to reality, either; it would definitely take a few days to process that his novel was finally available to purchase.

"I want to read this, but if I do it while we're walking I'm probably going to walk into someone."

He chuckled. "We wouldn't want that. No worries—keep it. Mother bought like ten copies for us to have at home." She smiled and nodded and held the article close to her chest as they made their way towards the next intersection so they could cross.

Fifteen minutes later they met up with Rick's mother in front of one of his favorite independent book stores in the city. He'd checked weeks earlier that they would be stocking his book so he could buy it from them on the day it came out. Though he originally planned on doing so when the store opened, when he heard Kate talk about how much she wanted to go with him, he agreed to wait until the end of her work day.

The trio hurried into the store together and found a small display of _In a Hail of Bullets_ sitting on a table to the left of the entrance. Rick stared down at hit—his name in print. There had been more than a few times when he thought it would never happened. When he had been frustrated or blocked he was ready to give up all together. Pack up his pens and notebooks and never write another word, but he never did that. He never gave up and in the end that paid off.

"Richard," his mother began, "I just want you to know how proud I am of you."

"Thank you, Mother." He leaned down and pulled her into a hug, brushing a kiss onto her cheek as they separated.

Turning to the side, he saw Kate standing with her hands clasped in front of her, smiling up at him. "I'm proud of you too, for what it's worth," she added with a light laugh.

"It's worth a lot, thank you." Knowing she didn't like to be touched, he refrained from hugging her, though he had never wanted to do so more than in that moment.

"Well, let's get our copies," Martha said, reaching out to puck one from the top of the stack. "Richard, did you invite Kate to come to dinner with us?"

"Oh yes," she answered for him. "He did and I appreciate that, but I should be getting home. Plus, I don't want to intrude."

"No intrusion." Rick promised, just as he had done along with the initial invitation.

She gave them a polite smile. "Still, I'm going to have to pass, but thank you."

"Some other time then, dear," Martha said.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Another time."

* * *

 _A/N: as always thank you for your kind reviews - I'm so glad everyone is enjoying this story!_


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Hopefully this chapter clears up some of the questions you guys had after the last chapter_

 ** _Trigger warning: alcoholism_**

* * *

 **Chapter Seven**

Despite the fact that his profession required him to imagine dozens of different and often outlandish scenarios every day, Rick never in his wildest fantasies would have predicted the success he received from publishing _In a Hail of Bullets_. The one glowing review he received in the _New York Times_ set off a chain reaction of dozens of equally positive reviews from newspapers around the country. By July, sales had grown to four thousand five hundred copies in just one week, landing him a coveted twentieth spot on the _New York Times_ bestseller list. Upon hearing that news from his agent, for the first time in his life Rick was rendered absolutely speechless.

Those weeks had been an absolute whirlwind. He had almost daily phone calls from his publisher and agent. The publisher, Black Pawn, wanted to capitalize as much as they could on his popularity, so they scheduled a few book signings at some Manhattan stores. Rick doubted they were as successful as Black Pawn wanted them to be with an average of seventy-five people showing up at each, but he was still pleased that more than one or two people had cared enough to show up and ask for his signature.

At the inaugural signing, the first person in line was Kate. Rick laughed out loud when he saw her; he had no idea she was going to be there. He had, of course, told her about the fact that the signings were occurring and she expressed her happiness for him, but she said she would be working during those Saturdays and unable to attend. Evidently, she'd traded shifts with someone so she could be his very first autograph.

With such an enthusiastic response, Rick expected their communication to continue regularly, but after he saw her at the signing, they did not speak for over a week—a true rarity as their phone conversations had been happening at least every other day since school let out, even if they were for just a few minutes long. He was so busy that he didn't give it much thought until she was short with him when he visited her at Starbucks on Sunday evening. It was then he realized that despite four voicemail messages, she had failed to call him back even once that week.

The next week progressed similarly. He went to Starbucks during her Wednesday evening shift, but she insisted she was too busy to talk even though the store was almost empty and the stream of patrons going in and out was weak at best. After two more messages she failed to return, Rick decided he'd had enough. He wanted to know what was going on with her and why she'd suddenly—and seemingly at random—turned a cold shoulder to him.

Friday evening he decided he was going to confront her at her apartment. They had been speaking regularly all summer so he felt reasonably sure she, unlike many others their age, would be at home. As he discovered, much of her free-from-work time was spent with her friend and roommate, Maddy, but at the end of June Maddy had left for a European vacation which would then turn into a semester at NYU's Abu Dhabi campus in the fall.

When Rick arrived at the Beckett apartment he took an extra moment to collect his thoughts before knocking on the door. He just wanted to talk, he coached himself; to see what was going on. As far as he was aware, he had not done anything to offend or upset her. On the off chance he had done something wrong, he would apologize and do whatever he could to make it right.

Just as he was about to knock, Rick heard a loud crash and thud inside almost as though someone had dropped something and then fallen in their attempt to pick it up. He turned his head so his ear was almost pressed against the door and strained to listen for a sign of what might be going on inside. He could hear muffled voices, but nothing specific or alarming. Explaining it away as an accidental event, Rick rapped his knuckles against the door and, in doing so, inadvertently pushed the door open. Evidently, it had not been shut correctly—or locked—so the pressure his knuckles exerted on the door had been enough to unseat it and slide it open a few inches.

"Kate?" He called out tentatively, not wanting to barge in and scare her or her father. Before he could say anything else, though, he heard another loud crash. That time it was easily identifiable as breaking glass.

Now genuinely concerned, he nudged the door open a bit further and spotted a trench coat thrown onto the floor just a few steps inside. A foot away from it lay a set of keys. A few inches from that sat a black shoe—a tie-up loafer, clearly a man's. "Well, someone came home in a hurry," he muttered under his breath.

"Katie! Ss-op! Ss-op it 'm fine!"

Rick stepped into the apartment and shut the door gently behind him. The loud, clearly slurred voice could be heard from down the hall to the left and Rick approached tentatively.

"Dad-"

"Katie—no! Ssop!"

When Rick turned the corner, he came face to face with a most unexpected sight. Kate stood at the entrance to the kitchen wearing a green tank top and navy blue cotton shorts, her hair in a high ponytail. Beside her, her father was hunched against the wall, a shoe on one foot, his khaki pants soiled at the knees, and his blue shirt appearing damp in the front as though a liquid—a drink perhaps?—had been spilled on it.

Rick watched as Kate's father stumbled forward and fell to his knees. Kate reached out and attempted to grab him under the armpit, but failed as his arm slid through her grasp. Her father hit the floor with a force strong enough to rattle a nearby potted plant and cause a significant noise, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Here, let me help." Rick spoke for the first time.

Kate did a double take and gasped. "Rick! What are you doing?"

"I heard a noise and the door was open; I wanted to make sure you were ok."

She shook her head as she looked at him. "No, what are you doing here—at my apartment."

"Oh." He stepped up and stood just a foot in front of Jim, who stared at the floor as though an important secret code were printed on it. Rick glanced down at him before looking back to Kate. "You, uh, weren't returning my calls."

"And you didn't think there was a good reason for that?!"

He fought the urge to flinch at her snippy tone. "Well, maybe…I came to find out what it was. Did I do something to upset you?"

"No I—" She shook her head and raked her fingers back through her hair. Looking down at her father she said, "I don't have time for this right now. You need to leave. C'mon, Dad."

She crouched down enough to loop her arm under his and attempt to hoist him into a standing position. He grumbled slurred words at her; despite the obvious evidence to the contrary, he continually insisted he was fine. Ultimately, she was able to get him to stand, but instead of continuing to move forward down the hall, he turned and made his way back into the kitchen using a heavy hand against the wall to guide him.

Once he'd disappeared from sight, Kate wrapped her arms tightly around her body and turned back to Rick. "I'm sorry. I—I'll try to call you sometime this weekend. Please just go."

"Kate." He sighed out her name. Suddenly, it became very obvious why she hadn't been returning his calls. Evidently, during the times she was not working, she was parenting her parent, who unfortunately, seemed to have slipped back into his alcoholism. Rick's heart broke for her.

It had been a long journey, filled with speed bumps from douche bags who didn't know how to keep their genitals to themselves, but by May Rick finally felt he was getting through to her. He felt her eyes had just a little bit less sadness. Not a lot, but some. She was smiling and laughing with him; she was enjoying life. But now, watching her hug herself tightly as her father spiraled downward, she looked so small, so vulnerable. He just wanted to help her.

"If you-"

"Please," she said, her tone softer than ever. "Just go."

Rick almost complied. He almost gave up, but a voice deep inside him told him not to. She needed help and he wasn't going to leave her—not in that moment. Before he could insist verbally, the sound of shattering glass echoed from the kitchen and her father stumbled into view. This time, Rick and Kate both stepped forward, but the elder man's forward velocity was too much for them and they were unable to prevent him from falling to the ground. At least, Rick thought, they had probably slowed him down enough so that he hadn't broken anything.

"Damn it Dad…" She sighed beneath her breath.

"Let me-"

"No." Her voice was sharp and it cut him. He met her eyes to see that though tears threatened to fall, her stance was strong. "I asked you to go."

Rick felt the flames of fury begin to alight within him. She was being absurd. He was right there! Why wouldn't she just let him help? "Kate-"

"I said go!"

"Yeah," he countered, raising his voice, "and what are you going to do with him? Let him sleep it off on the hardwood floor?"

"We're fine."

"The hell you are."

"Rick-"

"Stop being stubborn!" He challenged. That shut her up. Her lips pressed together and she looked at him with eyes wide. Proud he'd gotten her to listen, he set his jaw. "I'm helping you and we're not arguing about it. Now, where should I take him?"

"I…" She hesitated for a moment before finally relenting. "His bedroom is that way; I'll show you."

Rick knelt down and hoisted Kate's father up over his shoulder, which was no easy feat. The man was smaller than him, though still weighed about a hundred and eighty pounds, he guessed. Suppressing a grunt at the extra weight, Rick allowed Kate to lead him across the apartment to a hall that branched off into three rooms. The first door was open and clearly led to a bathroom, which led Rick to deduce the other two were bedrooms.

Kate opened the door directly in front of them and flicked on the light. Rick quickly glanced around the space to see that it was the size of a typical Manhattan bedroom—aka, not very large. The queen sized bed, chest of drawers, and desk fit very tightly. He sidled his way in between the desk and bed and put Jim down as gently as he could; the drunken man did not wake.

When Rick backed away, Kate hurried in and attempted to untie her father's shoe, but struggled with the knot. He could see her fingers were trembling, but resisted the urge to step in, fearing she would snap at him again. After a few attempts she was able to loosen the lace and pull the shoe off. She set it on the ground beside the bed and then walked to the exit, flicking off the light as she went.

Rick followed her and shut the bedroom door behind him. When they reached the hall, he could see Kate had brought her hand up to cover her mouth. Her fingers trembled so much she looked like she was experiencing her own personal earthquake. "Kate," he sighed out and her head snapped up as though she just remembered he was there.

"You, um." She sniffed and skimmed her fingers beneath her eyes. "You can go now. I'll just-"

"Stop." He reached out and touched her shoulder when she moved towards the kitchen. "Let me help you clean up."

"No, that's not necessary. I can-"

"It's not a matter of whether or not you can." He pointed out. "But you have bare feet; you'll hurt yourself. Just let me help."

"I…" Her voice trailed off and it appeared she was finally too exhausted to continue fighting him. With a lackluster gesture, she pointed towards a door near the entranceway. "There's a broom in that closet. The trash is in the kitchen at the end of the counter; you can't miss it."

He smiled at her. "Thanks. Now go splash some cold water on your face and take a break; I'll take care of the kitchen."

As though being forced to obey his command, she nodded distantly and stepped into the bathroom. With a satisfied nod, Rick made his way to the closet.

* * *

Eight minutes later, after washing her face and sitting on the cold tile floor, Kate exited the bathroom feeling reasonably less nauseous than she had when she entered. At least that was progress.

She glanced to her left towards her father's closed bedroom door and felt the anger roil within her. Why did he have to be this way? She had already lost her mother and survived his decent into the bottle once. Wasn't that enough? Why did he have to go back to that dark place and, in doing so, drag her along with him? True, she carried her fair share of scars from the loss of her mother, but none of them were destructive—especially not to others.

With a heavy sigh, she padded her way towards the entryway where she picked up his jacket, keys, and discarded shoe. So far it seemed he was back to repeating his old patterns: drinking during the day when he didn't think she'd see him, retreating to his room at night where the underside of the bed was beginning to look like the dumpster outside Rick's dorm after a weekend bash.

The worst part for her were the mornings after when he apologized sometimes tearfully and promised to go to a meeting, promised to get better, but it always ended with him and a bottle in his hand. His empty promises made it impossible for her to trust him and, when she couldn't trust her own father, the list of people she could trust shrank to almost none.

As she hung her father's jacket in the closet, the sound of the kitchen trash can lid slamming down had the talons of embarrassment clawing at her throat. _Rick_. Not only had Kate been forced to watch her father become too drunk to stand, break a glass, and ultimately pass out onto the floor, Rick had seen it as well. She hated that; it mortified her.

True, one could argue that Rick had seen her in a far worse situation, and if there was any one person who would not judge her it would be him, but she still hated it. She did not wish to be seen so vulnerable by any outsiders if it could be avoided. Hell, she didn't even want to see her father in the state he was in, but what was she to do? He was the only family she had left.

When she heard his footsteps approaching, Kate wrung her hands together. She had to say something to him, but what? She would thank him, of course, but she felt an inexplicable desire to say something—anything—to mitigate the embarrassment her father had just caused. But, really, what was there to say? What excuse could she give? The situation was beyond her control.

As it turned out, when Rick rounded the corner carrying the broom, any semblance of an apology immediately vanished from her mind when she saw him. In his left hand he carried the broom, but in his right he held a wadded up paper towel coated with splotches of red. "What happened?"

"I cleaned up the kitchen," he said as he returned the broom to the hall closet. "All the glass should be gone now."

"No—to your hand."

"Oh, nothing; I'm fine."

"You're bleeding."

"It's just a scratch."

Taking note of the amount of blood on the paper towel, Kate eyed him skeptically.

"Really, I'm fine." He assured her. "I just cut my thumb when I picked up one of the shards."

Kate pointed to the sitting room as she backed towards the hall. She directed him to sit on the couch while she retrieved the first aid kit from the bathroom. Judging by the expression on his face, he did so with great reluctance.

After retrieving the white plastic medical kit from beneath the sink, Kate sat on the coffee table across from her patient. He held out his right hand and winced when she pulled away the paper towel. He had a decent-sized slice across the tip of his thumb but it wasn't terribly deep. She pulled his hand into her lap so his forearm was cradled between her knees and dug into the kit for antiseptic cream.

"So…when did he start drinking again?"

Her eyes flicked up to meet his, but only for a moment before she turned back to her work. "I don't know. Looking back, I think he was hiding it for a while. A few months at least." She smeared the cream into his cut and he hissed with displeasure. She apologized as she screwed the cap back on the bottle.

"When did it get this bad?"

"A few weeks ago."

She pulled a flesh-toned adhesive bandage from the kit and pasted it over his wound. She crumpled up the paper backing for the bandage and set it on the table beside her. Then she closed the lid to the plastic box and made to stand up, but he stopped her by grabbing on to her right hand. She looked over at him and he said, "I'm sorry."

His words could not have been simpler. She knew they were genuine from the sound of his voice and the way he looked her directly in the eye as he said. Plus, over the six months she'd known him, she knew he wasn't the type to say an apology only because it felt expected, especially not at a moment like that one. So, it wasn't the words themselves that hit her, but the fact the fact that he was there, with her, helping her even after she asked him to leave.

It began in her diaphragm—the uncontrollable spasms of a deep, choking sob. She tried to control it by breathing in quick breaths through her nose and pushing them out her lips, but all attempts failed and the tears began to trickle down her cheeks.

Gripping a bit tighter to her hand he said, "Hey, it's okay; it'll be okay, Kate."

But the thing of it was—she didn't believe him. He meant well, but he hadn't seen what she had. He didn't know how bad it could get—how dark it could go. This, embarrassing as it was, had been a relatively mundane event compared to the others.

She shook her head as the tears flowed, not really sure why. There was no use trying to stop them; they were coming anyway. Normally, she did her crying in the shower, or curled up on her bed with her face covered by the blankets. Public crying was something she avoided at all costs. It embarrassed her and showed a weakness she never wished to reveal. Yet, in that moment, she could think of nothing but how warm and soft his hand felt against her own and how nice it might be to be enveloped by his strong embrace.

"Rick?"

"Yeah?"

She sniffed as she looked up at him. "Remember how you said if I ever needed a hug?"

A very simple smile crossed his face. He pulled his hand away from hers and opened up his arms while simultaneously leaning back in the couch. She slid forward and fell into him, her head leaning against his shoulder, her body tucking against his. She pulled her feet underneath her and curled up just as his arms locked around her—warm and safe. She clung to him with her left arm looped around his waist, and cried against him.

For the first time in as long as she could remember Kate was glad she wasn't alone.

* * *

 _A/N: As always, thank you so much for your reviews!_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: This chapter is a continuation of the previous, so **Trigger Warning: Alcoholism** still applies._

* * *

 **Chapter Eight**

"Was-zat? Whaz h'pening?

Rick startled awake from a noise of unknown origin. He opened his eyes and blinked. Wait—where was he? And what was—oh. He spotted a chunk of hair draped over his lap from the head using his thigh as a pillow and remembered. He was in Kate's apartment; they had fallen asleep.

Yawning, he looked across the room at the television. It played a commercial, which did not help him discern the time, but then he spotted a fancy brass clock on a nearby bookshelf; it was just about midnight, which meant they'd probably been asleep for around forty minutes.

A moment later he heard a thump and glanced towards the hall. There, a shadow could be scene entering the door nearest them—the bathroom. Ah, so that's what had awoken him; Kate's father had gotten up.

Rick let out a long exhale as his head lolled back against the couch cushions. Well, that evening had not turned out at all as he planned. In some ways, it had turned out better. In others, far worse.

Gazing down at the sleeping woman curled beside him, he was amazed; absolutely, unquestionably, unfathomably amazed at her strength, her character. She had lost her mother as a young age only to presumably watch her father spiral downward into alcoholism. Yet, despite the sadness deep within, she had persevered and gone to school with the intent of becoming a lawyer. Other obstacles and trials crossed her path, including the one he had the misfortune of witnessing, but she carried on, strong as ever. Yeah, she'd cracked a little bit, but if it had been him? He wasn't sure he would be able to function.

She was extraordinary.

Being able to hug Kate had been a long-anticipated event that had more than paid off. Though it was a concept he could not understand, she expressed a desire not to be touched and he respected that. For the most part, other than accidental brushes, he was hands off. He'd occasionally nudged her arm or shoulder without thinking (he became very touchy-feely particularly when in a joking mood) but for the most part they had no physical contact…until she'd asked to curl up in his arms and he'd happily obliged.

She felt smaller than he expected, silly as that was. Perhaps that was just because she'd pulled her legs in tight and made herself into as contract a ball as she could. She'd leaned into him without hesitation and he hadn't minded the damp spots her tears caused on his shirt—not one bit. He'd pressed his lips to her head and breathed in the scent of her shampoo (cherry, if he was not mistaken) and knew he would have given anything to make her feel better. Now that he knew what was breaking her heart at least he could try to fix it.

Just as he was contemplating whether he should wake her or let her sleep a bit longer, a loud thud in the bathroom took care of that for him. She startled awake and stumbled to her feet, sleepily looking around until the source of the commotion became clear: the bathroom. She scurried her way to the hall and almost immediately cursed out, "Damn it, Dad. What-"

"Sorry Katie. 'm sorry. 'm goin' back ta bed 'ow."

Rick stood, arched his back in a stretch, and then cautiously walked over to investigate. It was no surprise what caused the distress in Kate's tone. Evidently, her father hadn't quite made it to the bathroom in time, for a trail of urine began just outside and continued across the tile floor towards the toilet. Upon further examination, his accuracy once at the proper receptacle had not been all that high.

"So…paper towels?"

She glanced back at him with a mournful expression before shuffling her way towards the kitchen. "Look, I, ah, I really appreciate your help and that you stayed but you can go now. I mean, it's late; you should go."

"Okay, after I help you clean up."

She looked over at him as though he'd suggested remodeling the bathroom rather than cleaning it. "Wha—no. Just go."

He folded his arms over his chest. "Why do you keep trying to get rid of me?"

"I…'m not," she said evasively, returning to the hall with a roll of paper towels under her arm and a spray bottle of cleaning liquid. "I'm just…" She let out a heavy sigh. "Whatever, Rick; I'm too tired to have this conversation."

He smiled. Finally, they were getting somewhere. "Great, so let me help."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because this isn't your problem!"

"And it's yours?" he countered. The way he saw it, she could just as easily move out and find her own place. Yes, it would be a financial struggle, but she would not be the first twenty-year-old to do it.

She shot him a stubborn look as she ripped off two sheets of the towels. "He's my father."

"Still doesn't mean you have to do it alone," he said as he held out his hand expectantly. She didn't budge so he added, "C'mon. If there's one person who's good at cleaning pee up off bathroom floors, it's me. My roommates have dreadful aim." Though this brought an almost smile to her face, she didn't budge so he tried one more time. "C'mon; we'll do it together."

She let out a heavy sigh and rounded her shoulders. "You know you don't-"

"Kate."

"Fine." She handed her two towels to him and pulled off two more for herself.

* * *

After tossing the remaining pile of soiled paper towels into the trash, Rick moved towards the bathroom sink. Watching him wash his hands caused guilt to claw at Kate's gut once more. God, what was she doing? She shouldn't have let him help. Then again…he wasn't making it easy on her by being so damned insistent.

After returning the nearly empty paper towel roll and cleaner bottle to the kitchen, she washed her own hands at the sink and glanced at the clock on the stove. Nearly one in the morning. No wonder she was exhausted.

She shuffled back to the hall, flicking off light switches as she went, before coming face to face with Rick by the couch. "Sorry it got late," she mumbled out.

He waved his hand flippantly. "Please—I'm a writer and a college student; this is nothing."

She wrung her hands together and chewed on her bottom lip. True as that statement might be, staying up until two with his buddies and being up late scrubbing a stranger's mess off the floor were two very different things. "Well, ah, I'm going to go to bed. You wanna stay?"

He smiled. "I wasn't going to leave you just in case…" his voice drifted off as he looked back towards her father's bedroom. "The couch will be fine if you have some sort of blanket…"

"Or," she began, a little stunned the words were about to tumble from her lips, "you could stay with me." When his brow rose she added, "That couch kinda sucks to sleep on."

"Oh. Um. Sure. If that's what you want."

Did she want that? Well, now, there was a loaded question. Her prior statement had been truthful: while the couch was fine to sit on, laying across it generally caused discomfort due to its odd transitions between cushions. And in her exhausted, somewhat delirious state, she was happy not to have to face the night alone just in case her father woke up again and made another scene. It wouldn't be the first time. Looking at him, she confirmed her prior invitation with a nod.

Her heart rate nearing that of humming bird's, Kate led the way into her bedroom. It wasn't much—smaller than her father's room by about a third and similarly decorated with a bed, dresser, and desk. The walls were a soft pink hue, which seemed fabulous when she was seven, but not as much at twenty. She still loved her white wood furniture, though, because it had been specially picked out by her mother.

"Sorry, it's only a double bed." She apologized softly.

He laughed. "You say that like I haven't suffered through sharing a single—this is downright roomy."

Though she offered a smile, she couldn't relate; she'd never even tried to share such a tight space with another human. (Except for that one time when she had a sleepover at Maddy's, but as they were only twelve she didn't think that counted.)

Clearly unfazed by the idea of sharing a bed with her, Rick kicked off his shoes and settled quickly beneath the covers, tucking one of her pillows beneath his head. After turning out the lights, she joined him, skimming her legs under the sheets with great care, trying not to jostle the mattress in the process. She soon realized it was all but impossible to lie in the tight space without touching him, but he didn't react to her arm lying against his, so she decided it would be all right.

"Rick?"

"Hmm?"

"I, um, just…Thanks. For everything."

His hand found hers beneath the sheets and he said softly, "Always."

* * *

Richard Castle was having a delightful Sunday morning. He'd slept late, made some notes for his latest work in progress, and was about to meet Kate for lunch. It was going to be a good day.

The prior morning he'd been wrenched from sleep at the unpleasant hour of seven a.m. by an apologetic Kate saying that she had to get up and get ready for her shift at Starbucks. He'd left swiftly, but not before getting confirmation that she would actually call him at some point that weekend. She promised to after her shift and thankfully her promise remained unbroken. That was when they made plans for Sunday lunch so they could, as Kate put it, talk about some things.

Rick was instantly curious as to what "some things" could mean, but he tried to keep his excitement in check. He hoped that given everything they'd experienced Friday night "some things" would lead to a discussion about them dating. They had, after all, shared a bed (platonic as it was).

Truthfully, he couldn't get Kate or how amazing she was out of his mind. As their friendship blossomed he'd grown to care of her more and more, but by that point he knew he was undoubtedly falling in love with her. And, considering those feelings came from a place of friendship with almost no physical affection, he knew his love for her was a kind of love he'd never experienced before—assuming one could call his previous relationships love and not just infatuation.

Kate was extraordinary. Their lab partnership had proven they worked well together and their interactions outside of class solidified their friendship. To Rick, these factors coupled with the bond they shared over the terrible assault she faced in the spring meant they would undoubtedly make a good couple and he was determined to make Kate see that. Unfortunately, all his high-hopes were deflated the moment she walked into his apartment, her arms tightly folded over her chest, her gaze avoiding his.

He asked how her father was, and she replied that he was doing okay, had been to two AA meetings and promised to get better—not that she really believed him.

"Is that what happened before?" he asked tentatively.

She hummed. "More or less. He started drinking right after my mom…and, yeah it got pretty bad during my senior year of high school. I…I thought he'd drink himself to death if I went away for school, which is why I chose NYU. He ended up getting sober the summer between high school and college. He went back to work and I thought everything was going to be okay, but…" Her voice drifted off as she shrugged.

Rick's stomach clenched at the mere thought of what Kate had gone through. To fear a parent's destructive death…he couldn't fathom it. Not wanting to press for any more information from the close-to-the-vest woman before him, he said, "Well, I hope for your sake he's serious about getting better this time."

She nodded. "Thanks. And, that's one of the things I came over here for—to thank you again for last night. It seems I'm always indebted to you for something," she added with a light laugh.

He stepped forward and shook his head, hating that she spoke those words even in jest. "Kate, please don't feel that way; that's not how I think of this."

"Still, if you ever need a kidney you should probably come to me first."

He offered a small smile and watched as she began to scuff her feet against the floor. Somehow, he just knew her next statements were not going to be positive ones.

"Anyway, um, before we go to lunch I wanted to clarify something. I…I'm afraid I gave you the wrong impression last night when I, ah, invited you to stay in bed with me."

In another circumstance, watching her cheeks turn pink would have amused him greatly, but in that moment his brow wrinkled with concern. "And…what impression would that be?"

"That we could…date."

Oh. Well. There it was.

Rick tried his best not to let his disappointment show because he didn't want to make her feel guilty. "I see."

"It's just," she began quickly, speaking in a rapid-fire voice. "With everything going on right now I just can't. My internship, my dad, work—I'm just kind of a mess right now. There's no possible way I could handle being someone's girlfriend. I know this is cliché but: it's not you; it's me. I promise."

That certainly was a letdown but the more he thought about her statement, the more he saw hope in it. She hadn't said she didn't have romantic feelings for him or thought of him only as a friend. She said she was not in a place to be someone's girlfriend and, given all the reasons she listed, he could hardly blame her.

"So," she continued, "if you don't want to be friends anymore, I totally understand."

Wait. What?

How had they gone from 'I only want to be friends' to 'We don't have to be friends' so quickly!?

"Um, what? What are you talking about? Why wouldn't I want to be friends with you?"

"Uh, because I'm kind of a total mess?"

At her sad statement, he let out a half-laugh. "Oh Kate, no you're not."

She nodded her head. "Yeah, I am. Case in point—Friday night."

"If I recall correctly that was not you being a mess." He stepped up to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. She gazed up at him, tentative. "Kate, I don't want to stop being friends with you—especially not now that you finally let me hug you."

She laughed and looked away as her cheeks turned a deeper shade of rose. Not waiting for another word to be said, Rick pulled her in to his chest and she placed her hands lightly on his back. "I'm serious, Kate. I'm your friend and if you ever need me you can call me—day or night, I don't care."

"Thanks Rick."

He pulled back and smiled at her. His friends probably would have called him pathetic for waiting around for a girl who had not overly expressed interest in him—hell, they would have called him pathetic for waiting around _at all_ , but Rick didn't see it that way. Kate was extraordinary and any chance he had to be in her life he would take. So, they probably wouldn't be dating that summer. And maybe not even in the fall, but as long as they were friends there was hope and that was good enough for him.

"Now, let's go to lunch—I'm starving!"

"Sure. Did-"

"Oh Richard there you are! And Kate—hello, dear." Rick's illustrious mother interrupted their conversation as she sashayed into the main room of the apartment wearing a lime green pantsuit. "Would you mind going to pick up my costume from the dry cleaners? I need it for tonight and I don't think I'll have time with rehearsal and getting my hair done…"

Rick shot Kate a rather tragic look and she stifled a laugh. "Well, we were just on our way to lunch but…sure, why not?"

"Thank you darling." She patted his cheek and handed over her claim ticket for the clothing before grabbing her oversized red leather purse and hurrying out the door with a harried goodbye.

"So what's this play about?"

Rick sighed and shook his head. "Who knows; something awful."

"Have you seen it?"

"No?"

"Then how do you know it's awful?"

He merely grumbled as they made their way out the door. "Wait until you see the costume…then you'll see exactly what I'm talking about. Spoiler alert: there are multicolored feathers involved."

Kate simply laughed.

* * *

 _A/N: unless you've been on vacation I'm going to assume the vast majority of you are aware of what went down with Stana/Tamala on Monday. I'm going going to voice my opinions here, though you're welcome to ask me about it on twitter or tumblr, however i just want to say no matter what happens I do not plan on altering my fic writing plans. That is to say, this story will be finished and I plan on eventually posting my 5-6 other WIPs._

 _Thanks._


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

"I'm sorry; I'm sorry!" Rick called out as he jogged up the steps to the NYPD's Twelfth Precinct. "I came as fast as I could."

"'s fine," she mumbled when he pulled her into a one-armed hug. "Thank you for coming."

"Always." He promised. Then, he picked up her hand and they walked together into the building.

Rick couldn't say he was shocked when he received Kate's tearful phone call telling him her father had been arrested for public intoxication. The fact that the arrest had taken place at one p.m. on a Sunday was a bit surprising (and alarmingly indicative of how Jim's situation had deteriorated in the prior weeks), but he wasn't at all surprised. More so, it seemed inevitable.

Not quite a month had passed since the night Rick spent at the Beckett apartment and, though he did not have any first-hand accounts, from the way Kate spoke things had certainly not improved. As he understood it, Jim was spending more and more time drinking in his room. Evidently, that day he'd ventured out and lost control.

Rick stood dutifully by Kate's side as she asked the desk clerk where she could go to pay her father's bail and retrieve him from holding. They were directed down to the basement level where Kate handed a wad of bills to the cashier and they were asked to sit on a bench and wait for an officer to bring Kate's father out. When they sat, he put an arm around her back and stroked her shoulder gently.

"I'm sorry," she said after a several minute silence. Turning her head to him she bit her bottom lip. "I shouldn't have asked you to come here but I…I didn't want to do this alone."

"Which is why you were right to call me." He promised. If he had found out after the fact that she had gone to a police station alone to bail him out he would have been upset. Nothing could make up for the fact that she had to retrieve her father from his jailing, but he hoped his presence made it even just a little bit less awful.

"Ms. Beckett?"

Rick and Kate looked up to see a mustachioed African-American man approach them. He was not dressed like a cop—he wore a gray suit with a white shirt and blue tie—so Rick was curious as to whom he might be. Perhaps, he was a lawyer—a public defender for her father.

Kate stood and faced the man. "Yes?"

He shook his head, taking her in. "My goodness you look just like her—your mother. I'm sorry—I'm Captain Roy Montgomery; your mother and I used to work together."

As Kate shook the man's hand, Rick took made a mental note of this interaction. A police captain had previously worked with Kate's mother. Did that make Kate's mother a law officer or a lawyer? Given her father's profession, he felt it safe to guess lawyer, but it could have gone either way.

"They'll be bringing your father out shortly now, but I wanted to introduce myself and tell you that, as a favor to your mother, we won't be charging him with disorderly conduct or resisting arrest—only public intoxication."

"Thank you," she said demurely to the older man.

He nodded and half turned to walk away. Then, before he did, he turned back and spoke in a fatherly tone. "Try and get him some help, okay? I know it's hard but…try."

"Thank you, sir." She shook his hand again before he walked away.

Just as the captain left, a uniformed officer brought Kate's father out from behind a heavy metal door to their left. His began apologizing profusely the moment he saw his daughter, begging for her forgiveness with his hands still bound by handcuffs. Kate's expression was stoic as his cuffs were removed and he was handed a plastic bag with his watch and wallet. Then, she took his arm, and led him towards the stairs.

The stench of stale beer and vomit was strong as Rick trailed along behind them, but he didn't say anything; he just breathed through his mouth and figured it would be better once they were out on the streets. It was too far to walk and ill-advised to take her unsteady father on the subway so he hailed a cab for them and helped Jim inside before joining the cabbie in the front seat.

Once they were on their way towards the Beckett apartment, Rick allowed himself a brief glance into the back seat. Jim sat behind him, his head lolling back against the headrest, evidently falling asleep. On the opposite seat, Kate sat with her chin to her chest, her legs tight together and her fingers tucked down in between her kissing knees. She appeared as though she was wishing to vanish into thin air; Rick's heart broke for her.

In that moment, the vast contrast of their summers seemed wildly unfair. For him, the summer had been incredible—best of his life, even. His book had been on the _Times_ bestseller list two weeks and though it wasn't hitting the list anymore, sales were still steady enough for it to be called an almost unheard of success for a first time author all thanks to continued critical acclaim and a hefty dose of marketing from Black Pawn. Just the prior week he'd received the news that the book was being sent to a second printing. Along with it came a check that he knew equated to a regular American's years' salary.

Oppositely, Kate's summer appeared to be going miserably. She continually insisted that her internship was good and a worthwhile experience, but Rick knew that if her job at a law office was the highlight, then things at home had to be abysmal. Of course, he had seen first-hand just how bad it could be; he could not imagine living that way every day, yet she did. No wonder he hadn't seen her smile in weeks.

When they arrived at the Beckett apartment, Rick paid the cabbie while Kate attempted to rouse her father. It took both of them to haul him out of the cab. Thankfully, their building had an elevator.

By the time they'd made it to Jim's bedroom, Rick could tell by the expression on Kate's face that she was at a near breaking point. He told her he'd take care of putting the man to bed and, for once, she didn't protest. After she'd returned to the hall, Rick hoisted Jim's legs into the bed, pulled off his sneakers, and tossed a knit blanket over his body.

Out in the hall, he found Kate sitting on the floor just outside the bathroom door, her feet flat on the floor as she hugged her knees to her chest. Her face was buried between her arms so he couldn't tell if she was crying or not, though he suspected she might have been. He decided not to say anything and instead just sat down in front of her, his knees bumping against her shins.

They sat that way for the better part of five minutes before she finally lifted her head and swiped at some of the moist lines streaking her cheeks. Looking over at him with watery eyes she rasped out, "I just don't know how much more of this I can take."

Rick's chest constricted at her painful words. He leaned closer with his elbows resting on his thighs. "What about rehab? Did he use that the first time?"

She shook he head and leaned her head back against the wall. "No, which is why he thinks he's fine now."

Rick considered this. He did not have much knowledge on alcoholism, but the way he understood it, the majority of people did seek a recovery program to help them to sobriety. Logically, he figured having a program would be easier than doing it by one's self (aka the "cold turkey" method) but he truly did not have the experience or knowledge to know. "Do you think rehab would help him?"

"Well it couldn't hurt," she replied with an irritated tone. Then, she let out a heavy sigh. "But he's the one that has to decide to go. My aunt tried but-"

"Aunt?" He interrupted without thinking. That was the first he was hearing of a family member other than her late mother. "I didn't know you had an aunt."

She bobbed her head. "Aunt, uncle, and a cousin, but they—well, she—disowned him after the last time…we haven't spoken in a few years."

How sad, Rick thought. Again, he had no first-hand knowledge of the situation. As an only child, he could only think about having a sibling in hypotheticals. After what he'd seen, he could understand it being difficult to watch a loved one struggle with any sort of addiction, but he could hardly imagine cutting that person out of his life completely. Furthermore, what about Kate? She was just a victim; why had they cut her out of their lives as well? Particularly when it left her completely alone.

Kate let out a heavy exhale and raked her fingers through her hair. "I just…I don't know. Schools starting again soon and I just…" She let her voice drift off as she collapsed forward and hugged her knees again.

Rick reached out a hand and placed it on her forearm, giving it a reassuring rub. "C'mon let's get out of here. We'll get ice cream or something."

She shook her head and glanced up at him. "No, Rick. I…that's sweet but I'm really not hungry."

He bobbed his head and tried a different approach. "Okay. Do you want to talk?" She said nothing, merely stared blankly at the opposite wall so after a minute he continued. "So…your mom worked with the police. Ah, sorry," he backtracked as her eyes darted towards him. He'd broken the rule of speaking about her mother, but he could not help but be intrigued, especially after they met Captain Montgomery.

"It's okay." She sighed and pushed her feet against the hardwood until they slid far enough that she could straighten her legs. Clasping her hands in her lap, she looked at him. "She…was a lawyer. She, ah, had a nonprofit giving a voice to those in the legal system who wouldn't have had one otherwise."

Rick smiled. So law did run in the family—as did the desire to help others. "She sounds like an amazing woman." Kate gave him a half smile but spoke no more on the subject. That was okay, Rick decided; she'd told him something and that was amazing progress.

"You know what I think you need? A day off." She scoffed and he continued. "I'm serious. What are you doing this Friday?"

"Working," she replied in an isn't-it-obvious tone.

"Yeah but when?"

"Six to noon."

He grinned. "Perfect. Let's go out to Coney Island."

She arched a skeptical eyebrow at him. "I thought you were leaving for your book tour."

He bobbed his head. Damn, he had almost forgotten about that, hadn't he? It was going to be such a whirlwind—eight appearances in fourteen days—but Black Pawn had promised to squeeze it all in for him as much as they could before the semester started. "Yes, but not until Saturday. C'mon let's go."

"I don't think so." She pushed herself up off the ground and walked towards the kitchen. He got up and jogged after her.

"Yeah c'mon."

"No."

"Yes—it'll be fun."

She stopped walking abruptly and whipped around so quickly he nearly plowed into her. He skidded to a stop just a few inches from her. She narrowed her eyes. "You're not going to let me say no, are you?"

An impossibly large grin crossed his face. "Probably not."

She stared at him for thirty seconds, her face unmoving. Then, a very tiny smile appeared. "Fine."

Rick resisted the urge to punch the air in triumph. Instead, he went with a demure, "Great; I'll meet you at noon."

* * *

Encouraging—okay, all but forcing—Kate to accompany him to Coney Island was Rick's best idea of the summer and, if he did say so himself, that was saying something. He feared she wouldn't be able to let go and relax—not even for the afternoon—but her attitude seemed to brighten the moment they boarded the Q train. By the time they were walking the boardwalk looking at the shops, she was almost smiling.

After much coercion, he managed to talk her onto a rollercoaster. It wasn't that she didn't like them or was afraid, she promised, she just didn't want to. Of course Rick did not accept that statement. He said she had to ride the Cyclone at least once. Then, if she didn't like it, they didn't have to ride anything else. Much to his pleasant surprise, as the car plunged down the first drop she let out a squeal and grabbed his hand. By the end of the ride she was laughing and wore an ear-to-ear grin. To Rick, she had never looked more beautiful.

As they disembarked, she grabbed his arm and pulled him back towards the entrance line insisting, "Let's do it again!" That was the moment, he decided; the moment he knew he was in love with her.

His feelings for her had built slowly during their lab partnership and blossoming friendship outside of the classroom. The night he spent with her dealing with her father's drunkenness was the one he entered a free-fall he had no hopes of stopping; he hadn't wanted to stop. Now, as the summer drew to a close, he knew with one hundred percent certainty: he loved the beautiful, kind, thoughtful, strong, extraordinary woman and he couldn't have been happier about it.

He knew better than to express his feelings aloud. She was still in a place where their friendship was all she could handle, but he was all right with that. She was too important to him to risk losing. Still, he could not help but take her hand after they'd finished their _Nathan's_ hot dogs and walked out towards the end of the pier.

* * *

Kate leaned her arms against the railing and gazed out at the Atlantic Ocean lapping at the boards beneath her toes. A cool breeze thick with salty sea air pulled through her hair making the strands feel heavy and sticky, but she didn't mind. It had been a very long time since she'd been out to Coney Island. She hadn't wanted to come, but she was glad Rick made her. Somehow, he'd known exactly what she needed.

She glanced to her left at the man who stood with his palms against the rails gazing out at the same lapping waves. How had she been so lucky to have him in her life? It amazed her, especially when considering she could have been partnered with anyone in her lecture. If she was the type to believe in fate—and she wasn't sure that she was—she would have had to conclude that there was a higher power at work.

A loud burst of laughter caught her attention and Kate looked back to see a young girl about five years old chasing after her parents as they returned to the shore. She ran up behind her mother and hugged her leg tightly. The woman stopped walking, scooped up the girl, kissed her head and then kept going. Kate's heart clenched.

Looking back out towards the water she sighed, "My mom loved it here."

"Yeah?" His voice was soft and he leaned a bit closer as she spoke.

"She always said life was too short to be serious. She worked a lot of long hours doing what she did. It was very serious, stressful work, so every once and a while we'd come out here. Have a day of fun, as she called it. We'd walk down the beach, laugh…those are some of my favorite memories of her."

"I can imagine."

Kate picked at her thumbnail before turning to face him and resting her right hip against one of the railing support poles. "Thank you for making me come here today."

The writer turned to face her with a smile. "You're welcome."

"I'm serious. I…I wouldn't have taken a break and you're right—I needed one. I needed an afternoon to forget."

Those days, forgetting was hard. She received a reminder every time she looked at her father. He wasn't drinking every moment of every day, but just the sight of him was enough to make her shiver knowing that the next episode wasn't far away. Her heart would seize up and the emotions would flood through her: anger, resentment, dread. After a stupor—particularly like the one the day before that had resulted in his arrest—he usually dried out for a few days, but that didn't make up for what he'd done.

"We should make this a weekly thing then," Rick concluded.

Kate shook her head. "We can't come to Coney Island every week."

"We could…"

Of course they couldn't; that was impractical. Besides…"It would get old after a while."

He nodded. "True. We could do something else. Come on my book tour with me."

Kate's jaw dropped at his unexpected invitation. "Rick-"

"I'm serious," he continued before she could rebut.

"No, that's…crazy." Actually, she couldn't think of anything more insane. He left the following afternoon. There was no way she could just pack up and go with him. She still had a few days left at her internship. Thankfully, she had a concrete reason not to. "I can't miss the beginning of school."

He shrugged. "I am."

"But you're you." Honestly, after all the success he'd had she was a little surprised he was going back for his final year. She was proud of him for doing so, for insisting that finishing his degree was important, but she was still a little surprised.

"Okay, well we could do other fun things."

It was then she caught his implication. Oh. Fun things—like dating. _Shit._

She thought they'd moved past this—that she'd made herself clear. And, okay, technically he hadn't mentioned a date or dating, but she needed to nip it in the bud.

Perhaps if it hadn't been for her email conversation with Maddy such a thing would not have been forefront in her mind, but she had just received the message that morning after giving her friend the run-down on what had happened with her father and how Rick had been there when she needed him.

 _I'm glad you didn't have to do that alone, Bex_ , she had written, _but be careful you're not leading him on. I know you don't mean to. Just make it clear that if he's not going to score with you—which, from the vibe I'm getting, he won't—then he knows he's free to go elsewhere otherwise he'll get pissed._

An uncomfortable prickling sensation at the back of her neck caused Kate to shiver even though it was over eighty degrees. "I don't think so."

"Yeah, c'mon. You know you want to." He added, nudging her arm with his knuckles.

Kate looked over at him and scanned her eyes over his face. His eyes, kind and warm. His smile, gentle and easy. He was caring and sweet and, despite everything, seemed happy to be there with her. Yes, she understood that he was a twenty-one-year-old male and by that nature had a pretty sex-focused mind, but she could hardly imagine someone like him turning out as Maddy said: being furious when he realized she wasn't going to put out. Maybe if they'd known each other a few weeks, but after this long? After everything they'd been through…

With a mirthless laugh, she shook her head. "Why do you put up with me?"

His brow wrinkled. "What does that mean?"

"It means… I'm messed up."

"Kate-"

"I'm a terribly needy friend…"

"Uh hello!" He insisted, pointing at his own chest. "Who was it that called you at midnight last week to discuss character names?"

She laughed. That was true—and it hadn't been the first time. "Okay, we're both needy. But I have more drama."

He waved his hand flippantly. "Please. You've met my mother right?" She gave a conceding nod, thinking of the actress and their interactions. "See, we're two peas in a pod."

She decided not to argue, but still wasn't sure she agreed. Their friendship seemed unevenly matched, especially when she had never had to stay up half the night dealing with a crisis of his.

As the sun began to fade, they returned to their silent observation of the undulating water. Kate settled a bit closer to him so that their hands were touching. In response he moved his arm around her back and gripped the railing on the opposite side of her so that he was, in effect, hugging her from behind. She should have stopped him as it was a very boyfriend-like move, but in that moment she didn't want to. Instead, she just leaned back against his chest and relaxed.

"Hey Rick?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

She felt him rest his chin against the top of her head she closed her eyes, lulled into calm by the sounds of the lapping water and the steady breathing of the man behind her.

* * *

 _A/N: I want to thank everyone for all their kind reviews for the last chapter. I'm glad all of you will continue to read fan fiction despite what's going on with the show._


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: **Trigger warning: Alcoholism**_

* * *

 **Chapter Ten**

Richard Castle walked into his first class of the year, took a deep breath, and let out a long, slow exhale. He had finally made it—senior year. Only six classes and one independent study stood between him and a college diploma.

He took a few steps into the room and scanned up and down the rows looking for one face in particular. It was two minutes to eleven so he guessed she was already there, but where was she sitting? The back two rows were vacant, so she wasn't repeating her sitting position from physics. So then where…ah-ha! There she was: six rows from the front sitting to the left of center. She sat speaking with the girl directly beside her, her hair in a high ponytail. Rick smiled instantly.

Thanks to his book tour not only had he missed the first full week of classes, but he hadn't seen Kate since their day at Coney Island. They had spoken on the phone almost every day, but he hadn't seen her in person—her gorgeous smile, her beautiful face. And, as much as he enjoyed the tour—it certainly was an interesting experience—he was glad to be back. Glad to be with her.

Though the seats on either side of her were taken the one immediately behind her was not, which, he decided, was just as well. It may have even been better for it afforded an easier opportunity to startle her. Perfect.

As she looked to her right, Rick snuck up from the left, which was difficult because it involved climbing over half a dozen other students. While they all grumbled at him, he didn't take much notice. His eyes were fixated on the brunette ponytail making sure she didn't turn around until he was ready.

His tongue between his teeth, he squeezed himself down into the seat behind her and tapped her shoulder with his index finger. "Boo."

Kate's head turned towards him and her jaw dropped a few inches. Success!

"Rick!" she half-gasped, half-laughed. "What are you doing here?"

With a satisfied smile, he leaned back in his seat. "Taking art history," he said in an isn't-it-obvious tone.

She glanced around, presumably looking for the punchline, but there wasn't one. "No you're not."

"I am."

"No."

"Yes."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "I need the credit."

Kate turned around in her seat so that she was more easily facing him. "No, you don't. You told me you already had all your gen ed credits completed."

Damn, he had told her that hadn't he? That was the truth and at the time he hadn't intended to purposely enroll for one of her classes just so they could have a class together, so he needed a plan B. "No, I just need credits."

One eyebrow rose skeptically. "I thought you were using your next book as an independent study credit."

"I am."

"Which doesn't explain why you are here in this art history class."

He grunted. Damn, she was going to make a good lawyer someday. "I, ah-"

"Rick."

"I….may have peeked at your schedule…" He was caught, he may as well fess up to it, or so he thought.

Again, she half laughed. "Rick!"

Grinning, he leaned forward and rested his forearms on his thighs. "C'mon Kate—wasn't physics fun last semester?" She said nothing, but the way she nipped at her bottom lip he could tell she was fighting a smile, which meant he had won.

"So, why'd you pick art history?"

"Seemed the least painful of everything on your schedule. I'm still taking it pass/fail, though."

"Of course you are."

He merely winked at her. Just then, the professor came in and started their lecture by flashing up pictures of dozens of old paintings on the projection screen which, evidently he was required to memorize. Shit. Art history—what had he been thinking? Yes, he was taking it pass/fail but that still mean he had to _pass_ to get the credit. Ah well, he thought, pulling out his notebook and pen, maybe he and Kate could study together.

* * *

Laughter still echoing through her ears, Kate unlocked the door to her dorm room with Rick trailing behind. They'd met up after their final classes that Thursday and planning on going to dinner to celebrate the almost-end of Rick's first week of classes. (Much to the writer's dismay, art history was a Monday-Wednesday-Friday class unlike his other Monday-Wednesday and Tuesday-Thursday classes. While this annoyed him, he said it was a worthwhile exchange to get to sit next to her for three days a week during the semester.)

On the walk back to her dorm, where they planned on watching TV for an hour or so before going to eat, Kate told Rick a few stories about her roommate for the semester, Abby. Because of Maddy's semester abroad, Kate needed to find a new roommate for her junior year. Conveniently, around the time she started looking, Abby, a girl from her sexual assault support group, also announced she was looking and everything fell into place.

Kate didn't mind Abby as a roommate—not really. Their personalities meshed together well enough: they both studied a lot and had no desires to throw wild parties in the room. The problem was that Kate had grown accustomed to doing a lot of activities with her roommate and Abby had made it clear she was not interested in that. She didn't mind, exactly; more, she found it odd that Abby had made such a decree without them ever sharing a meal together let alone going to a movie or campus event.

As they discussed the situation, Rick began to list progressively wilder theories for Abby's standoffishness. At one point, "alien abduction" was thrown out as a theory, and Kate could hardly keep herself upright she was laughing so hard. Once they entered her building she told him he had to stop, but every time she'd catch his eye the laugher would return again.

Pushing open the door, Kate saw her petite, auburn-haired roommate sitting on her bed and greeted her politely. As Rick stepped into the room beside her, she did the introductions. Once they were complete Rick gave a smile and a small wave and said, "Nice to meet you."

When Kate turned back to Abby, the girl looked as though Kate had come in with a poltergeist not a taller-than-average brown-haired male wearing jeans and a Green Lantern t-shirt. Before Kate could ask what was wrong, Abby hissed, "I thought we agreed no boys in the room."

Kate's brow wrinkled as she recalled no such conversation. When discussing their living situation the prior spring, Kate vaguely remembered a conversation during which Abby stated that she didn't really want a lot of extra people, particularly men, spending the night in their room. Kate had agreed with her since, at the time, she had zero plans to invite any man into her room let alone her bed, but that was the only restriction she recalled.

"Right—no boys overnight. We're just going to hang out here for a bit before dinner. Sorry, I, uh, guess I should have warned you, but Rick's my friend. Remember how I told you a friend saved me from my assault—this is him."

From their support group, Kate gathered that as a result of her attack, Abby had a very strong hatred towards the male gender. Since she stopped going to the support group, she was not sure if Abby's opinion had changed or, at least, softened, but it appeared that possibly was not the case. Still, if Abby was hesitant or nervous about being around strange men, Kate wanted to provide concrete evidence that Rick was the last man she should be afraid of.

Evidently picking up on this tactic, Rick added, "I assure you, Abby, I have the utmost respect for women. I was raised entirely by a single mother."

Abby appeared nonplussed by his comments and turned to Kate. "How long will he be in here?"

"Um…I dunno. Forty five minutes to an hour?"

"I can just go…" Rick chimed in.

"No." Abby said before grabbing the notebook and textbook off her bed. "I'll be in the common room. We will talk about this later," she added to Kate before slipping quickly from the room.

"Eesh that was awkward." Rick commented once she had left.

Kate exhaled as she unzipped her jacket and tossed it on the end of the bed. "Yeah…she has some anger issues."

Rick scoffed. "Ya think?! How long ago was her assault?"

"Dunno. At least a year or more, but I know it was brutal—really brutal," she said, suppressing the urge to shudder at the horrific detail Abby had gone into during one of their group sessions.

He flopped down on the bed beside her and huffed out a breath. "Jesus…"

"Yeah. On that note…I guess we might not be able to hang out in here that much. I'll try and talk her into it, though—maybe we can come to an agreement." Perhaps it was the future-lawyer in her, but she was certain they could reach some sort of compromise. After all, it wasn't as though she was asking to have a loud, rowdy party until three a.m. All she wanted was for her friend to come over and study or watch TV on occasion. Just because that friend happened to be male should not make a difference, especially when she would vouch for his credibility as a kind, decent human being.

"Well, I certainly don't want to upset her so just…let me know." With that, he grabbed one of her pillows and tucked it behind his head as he lay back. His eyes scanned the room for a moment before he spotted the TV remote at the edge of her desk. His arm was just long enough to snag it so he did so and pressed the power button.

Kate watched him, amused. "Making yourself at home?"

He grinned at her. "Yep. Wanna watch Oprah?"

"Sure. Why not."

For the next fifteen minutes, the duo sat silently as they watched Oprah Winfrey interview the cast of an upcoming new movie. Kate sat cross legged at one end of the bed, while Rick lay with his legs stretched out behind her. When Kate's cell phone rang, she didn't think too much of it. Still watching the TV, she dug through her bag until she found it and answered with a disinterested, "Hello?"

"Katie…Katie'zat 'ou?"

Kate's blood ran cold as the slurred voice of her father hit her ear. "Dad? Dad, where are you?"

She looked over at Rick and saw he was watching her intently. He turned off the TV and sat up, propping himself up with his palm flat against the bed.

"Katie—help me Katie! Help!"

Her heart now doubling its prior beats per minute, she stood off the bed and brought her palm flat against her forehead. "I'll help you Dad, just tell me where you are. Where are you?"

The line crackled and she could hear a few more indistinguishable slurs before it went completely dead. Feeling tears begin to prick her eyes, Kate pulled the phone from her ear and gazed down at the recent call log. Fortunately, he had called from the apartment's landline, so she knew where he was. Looking back at Rick she muttered out, "I-I have to go."

He scooted off the bed and stood beside her. "Where's your father? Is he okay?"

"I-I don't know. I'm sorry I-"

"It's okay," he said, picking up her coat and holding it out to her. "We'll go right now."

She took the coat and shook her head. "No, Rick, you don't-"

"Stop." He held up his hand to silence her. "You know I'm just going to follow you anyway."

Kate huffed out a breath as she pulled on her coat. Not knowing what she would find, she was afraid to let him come with her, but she did believe him when he said he would follow her anyway. Selfishly, she wanted him to come just so she didn't have to be alone when finding her father in yet another drunken state.

"Okay…yeah. Let's go."

* * *

Due to the beginning of rush-hour traffic, it took Kate and Rick much longer to get to her father's apartment than she would have wanted. When they arrived, she frantically unlocked the door and rushed inside, calling out for him. When he didn't respond, she checked the bathroom and his bedroom, but didn't find him. For a brief moment she feared he'd left at some point between their phone call and her arrival, but then she heard Rick call out, "Uh Kate?" in a sick-sounding tone.

Kate rushed into the kitchen and yelped at what she saw. Her father was sprawled out on the floor, shattered whisky bottle a few inches from his extended right hand. His head was turned to the side clearly resting in a puddle of vomit. "Oh god, Dad." She croaked out.

"Should I call 911?"

Tears began to fill Kate's eyes and she shook her head, turning her emotional distress on him and yelling "I don't know! I don't know!"

Rick remained calm, his voice even (something she would have to thank him for later). He reached out and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Hey, it's okay. Take a deep breath."

She brought up trembling hands to cover her mouth and gazed down at the scene with pure horror. She had just been talking to him twenty minutes earlier and now he—dear god—he looked dead. Was that her fate? To lose both her parents? To find that her only remaining family had killed himself with liquor and died in a puddle of vomit on the kitchen floor?

"I don't want him to be dead, Rick. Please. I can't—I-"

As though he sensed that she was rooted to the spot, Rick carefully stepped among the shattered glass so he could more closely examine the passed out man. He gazed at her tentatively before placing his fingertips beneath the man's jaw. "He's not dead," he said almost immediately.

Relief poured from Kate's body as the tears spilled from her eyes. He was still alive, but by how thin of a margin?

"Jim? Can you hear us Jim?" Rick asked, shaking the man's shoulder.

Jim let out a half-shout, half-moan, startling both the young adults in the room. The man on the ground began to move his fingertips and shuffle his feet against the tile, but made no obvious attempts to stand. Kate tip-toed carefully into the kitchen and crouched down on the other side of Rick. "Dad?"

"K'tie?"

"Yeah, Dad, I'm right here." She placed her hand gently in the center of his back and began to rub in small circles. His shirt was soaked almost completely through with sweat, but that did not deter her movements.

"K'tie…I…I 'ink 'm gonna need s'me help."

When her father exhaled loudly and collapsed back into unconsciousness, Kate looked up at Rick. It appeared for once he was rendered mute, because he didn't speak. Instead, he reached out and placed his hand gently in hers. She squeezed it tightly.

* * *

"Is he still asleep?"

Rick gazed carefully at the emotionally-spent woman as she exited her father's bedroom. Once again Rick had taken over the duty of carrying the drunken man from the kitchen to his bed. Jim had been half-alert, which actually hindered the process more than helped it. After getting him onto the mattress Kate had taken care of washing up his face and watching the steady rise and fall of his chest like a mother hen.

She bobbed her head and rubbed her fingertips beneath her eyes, the dark circles seeming to have taken up permanent residence there. "Yeah," she rasped out, "he hasn't woken for almost an hour. You, um, you can go if you want; I'm going to stay here overnight."

He tilted his head to the side. "You know I'm not leaving."

She managed to quirk her lips to the side before saying, "I figured."

He smiled. "Excellent. I ran out and got some Chinese takeout if you're hungry…?"

"No I can't eat. I…I'm just going to lie down."

He followed her when she shuffled into her room, kicked off her shoes and flopped face first onto her bed. After a moment she wriggled her way towards the pillows. Glad to see she stayed to the far side, leaving enough room for him, he stretched out beside her, using his fist to prop up his head. "It's going to be okay, Kate."

She sighed and shut her eyes tightly. "I wish I could believe you."

"You can; it will." He promised. Her father had admitted that he needed help and that was the first step he'd made in the right direction. True, that admission had come while he was intoxicated, but Rick had faith it would hold once he'd sobered up. They would find him a rehab, he would stay for whatever duration necessary, and then he—and Kate—could get their lives back on track.

She didn't respond, so he tentatively skimmed his fingers down the arm that rested closer to him. When they reached her hand, he pressed his palm against hers. She responded by linking their fingers together, which made him smile inwardly; they were all going to be okay.

"Rick?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for being here."

He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her temple before whispering, "Always."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

Standing in the lobby of the New Beginnings Rehabilitation Clinic, Rick Castle slid his hands down into his pockets and stood patiently off to the side as he observed the father-daughter duo a few feet away. The two hour drive to the upstate New York rehab had been tense for all of them. The in car conversation had consisted almost exclusively of driving directions. Rick knew the goodbye, if only for sixty days, would be hard on both father and daughter, so he wanted to give them their space.

The first month of the semester would have been difficult enough for anyone settling into their new classes. For Kate, her law-focused ones had only become more strenuous and required more intense study and research. For him, the task he initially thought would be easy—continuing to work on his second book for college credit—was turning more taxing than he anticipated due to his other classes requiring lengthy papers.

Coupled with the stress of coursework and re-settling into the school year were the complications brought on by Kate's father's alcoholism. Thankfully, after the night he was found passed out on the kitchen floor Jim recognized and accepted that he needed to seek help for his disease, but that was easier said than done. Rick aided Kate in the search for an appropriate facility that would not only help him on his way to recovery, but would also be covered by his insurance. After much stress and heartache, and many evenings spent crying in Rick's arms, Kate had chosen New Beginnings and her father agreed.

Once he was accepted into the rehab, Kate realized she needed a way to transport him there. She didn't want him to go by himself, but she didn't have a car or a driver's license, which complicated things. As he had a license, Rick did not hesitate to step up and offer his services. As had become her default setting, Kate turned him down until he argued and won his way. He would drive, all she needed to do was procure them a vehicle and, thanks to a kind neighbor, she had.

Rick watched as Kate embraced her father and they said their goodbyes. Per the rules of New Beginnings, their patients were not to have visitors for the first thirty days of their stay. After that, Saturday visitations were allowed, but with the distance and her school work, Kate had expressed she wasn't sure how often she could visit—if at all. Though Jim insisted it was fine and he preferred her to focus on her classwork, Rick suspected he might be able to talk her into at least one road trip—assuming they could borrow the Kunz's car again.

When Kate stepped back and brushed some tears from her cheek, she glanced over at him and Rick gave her a reassuring nod. He knew how much she was struggling and that was the other reason he wanted to accompany the Becketts that day—not just to be their means of transportation, but to be Kate's emotional support.

Kate knew that rehab was the best thing for her father and had said as much to him. On that point, they all agreed. Yet he knew she was scared. She hadn't said anything, but he could tell behind the façade she put on she worried what would happen if rehab didn't work for her father. In a way, it felt like a last resort and that was terrifying.

"Rick?"

The younger man's head turned towards the exhausted-sounding voice of Kate's father.

"A word? If you don't mind."

"Sure, of course." Rick crossed the lobby as the elder man pulled him aside for a few moments' private conversation. He was not quite sure what the man would say beyond thanking him for his driving, which could obviously be done within earshot of Kate.

"I, ah, I need to thank you for being there for my daughter when I couldn't be. For helping her through all this. For, really, everything you've done for her this year. I know this probably doesn't mean much from a screw up like me, but you're a good man."

Rick nodded, a little surprised and touched by the elder man's words. He didn't think Jim was a screw up—not at all. He had a problem and he was doing something to fix it and, in Rick's mind, that made Jim a good man too. "Thank you, sir; I appreciate that. And I want you to know that I care about Kate very much."

Jim nodded and placed his palm on Rick's shoulder. "I know you do."

* * *

"What did my dad say to you?" Kate asked as they made their way back to the car.

Rick let out a heavy exhale as he stared up at the sky. It was a gloomy October Saturday and it reminded him that all too soon the leaves would be dropping from the trees and winter would be upon them. That certainly was not something he looked forward to, but gloomy or not he was glad to be outside. The sterile environment of the rehab clinic was beginning to unnerve him.

"Oh, nothing."

"No, it was something."

"Not really."

"Rick."

He groaned reluctantly. "Fine, okay. I didn't want to tell you this but…he gave me permission to kidnap you on the drive home."

"What!?"

Rick smiled over at her when they reached the aged Toyota that had carried them northward. He winked and she scowled. "Okay, jeez sorry—I was just trying to make you smile." _Clearly_ that had failed.

"What did he really say?"

"Nothing he just thanked me."

She hummed and climbed into the passenger seat. Once he was behind the wheel he asked, "You wanna get some lunch? I bet we can find a place nearby…"

"No, I'm not hungry. If you want to stop somewhere you can go ahead."

He shook his head, not wanting to eat without her even if his stomach was feeling a bit empty. "Nah, we'll just get driving."

* * *

Almost an hour into their drive back to the city, Rick looked to his right and saw stress and tension etched into his companion's face; his heart broke for her. Oddly, she seemed to look progressively more upset the further they drove from the rehab clinic when he would have expected the opposite. Her father was in a place that was going to help him—that was a good thing in his mind. Yet, the tension pouring off her was almost palpable.

He wanted to make her feel better, but honestly wasn't sure what more he could say. He'd already reassured her that they had done the right thing several times, but each occurrence was met with silence. He considered suggesting they stop for food or a drink, but with her peaked expression he doubted she had much appetite, so he continued to drive until, suddenly, she blurted out, "Can we stop?"

"What?"

"Can we stop? Can you just pull over? Please?"

With the sudden and almost frantic nature of her tone, Rick felt himself flush as he looked for an appropriate exit on the highway. "What's wrong? Are you going to be sick?"

"No. No I just need air. Please."

"Okay, hold on." He took the next exit and, a quarter mile off the bypass, he found a strip mall with a large parking lot to pull into. He parked their car in a relatively empty section just a few hundred feet from a Taco Bell and Kate bolted from the car almost the second the vehicle had come to a complete stop. Rick put the car in park and shut off the engine more casually before joining her.

Kate charged her way across the parking lot driving lanes towards the nearby restaurant, where a vacant wooden bench waited by the sidewalk. She plopped herself down and leaned over so that her forearms rested on her thighs and her head dangled down to the space between her knees. Despite her saying she was fine, Rick still half wondered if she was going to be sick. He sat down beside her, but didn't touch her just in case she was feeling ill.

For the better part of five minutes neither moved from their position until finally, Kate sat up and pulled her knees up, resting the heels of her sneakers against the weathered wooden bench surface and looping her long arms around her shins. She rested her chin against her right patella and sighed out, "We had a fight that day."

Rick rotated his body so that he could face her and scanned her expression curiously. He had been prepared to ask to whom she was referring when she said "we" but he didn't need to. It was etched all over her face. Her mother; she was talking about her mother.

"It was a Wednesday. Before school in the morning I told her I wanted to go to a poetry slam that Friday night in The Village, but she said no. It didn't start until ten and she wasn't comfortable with me out that late by myself. I told her I was sixteen and I would be fine. I'd only been sixteen for six weeks, so obviously I knew everything." She let out a mirthless laugh and shook her head, leaning back a little and hugging her knees tighter.

"We argued. I told her I hated her, that she was running my life. I grabbed my bag, slammed the door on my way out and that was it. I never saw her again."

Rick could hardly believe what he was hearing yet somehow it made the missing puzzle pieces of the mystery that was Kate Beckett fall a little more in to place. Not only had she lost her mother at a young age—something that would have been difficult for anyone—but the loss was sudden and took place shortly after a fight when their last words had been those of anger and frustration, not of love. He could hardly imagine coming to terms and accepting that as a teenager. Hell, as a twenty-one year old he couldn't imagine handling it then.

"Oh, Kate; I'm so sorry."

She skimmed her fingertips beneath her nose as she sniffed. "She was killed. She died alone in an alley and the last thing her only child ever said to her was that she hated her."

"She knew that you loved her." Rick promised. There was no doubt in his mind. Terrible as the situation was, a parent never would have questioned that.

Weakly, she nodded. "I know. Rationally, I know that. Still, I can never take it back. I can never change it."

Rick skimmed his hand under his chin and considered this. In a literal sense, she was correct. With her mother's death went any chance for a face-to-face reconciliation, but on a broader scale Rick didn't agree. Kate loved her mother, and honored her every day by her actions. Choosing a profession in law, taking care of her father—those things showed more love than three words ever could.

"When…when I got home from school that day I was still mad at her and ready to have it out—argue to get my way—but she wasn't home so I went to my room and listened to music. It was almost eight before I realized the time and I went out to the kitchen to get something to eat and I saw that my dad looked worried. He asked if I'd heard from her and I just…I had this feeling."

Kate lifted her hands from her shins and brought them tight to her chest. She shook her hands slowly as her fingertips grasped at the neckline of her t-shirt. "I just knew something was wrong. And then, around nine, Detective Raglan showed up…"

When after a few moments she did not continue, he prompted her with, "What happened?"

She looked over at him, tears threatening to fall from her eyes, but her gaze was steady, voice controlled. "She was mugged. Stabbed. She bled to death."

Horrorstruck, Rick leaned back. He'd known her mother was murdered since the prior spring when Kate had unintentionally confessed that to him when they were working on their assignment at the Air and Sea Museum, still hearing it described in such a clinical yet horrifying way made him sick. How terrible for anyone to hear: the gory details of how their loved one met their end. It was unthinkable. Yet, there Kate sat and he realized in that moment she was a hundred times stronger and more incredible than he'd ever imagined.

"I-I'm sorry." Kate spoke quickly, sniffing back more tears. "This isn't something…you shouldn't have to deal with this—me. You're twenty-one years old and…you…you shouldn't…"

"What?" he questioned, but she shook her head without responding. He didn't want to press the issue and upset her further, but he needed to make it clear her apologies were unnecessary. "Our age doesn't define us, Kate; our experiences do. You're a twenty-year-old woman who has had to endure more than some people twice your age and that's what makes you who you are."

"Still," she rasped out, "I'm over-complicating your life."

"I don't see it that way." He needed her to know—he needed to lay it out. He didn't want her feeling that she was burdening him. If he thought that even for a second, he wouldn't have continually volunteered to help her. He wanted to help her; he wanted to be in her life. Helping her with her father and other things seemed natural; he never even thought twice about them, because that's what you did when you loved someone.

"You're an extraordinary person. You're strong and brave. You've had to deal with these terrible, unfortunate things that no one our age should have to, but you've dealt with them and come out the other side and that's what makes you amazing. I consider it a privilege to be your friend and if I can do anything at all to make things a little easier for you, I will. Anything. Because I…I care about you very much."

* * *

Kate heard it—the hitch in his final statement. Her heart took flight and she was sure—convinced—he was going to tell her that he loved her, but he hadn't. She wanted it. In that moment she wanted him and those three words more than she ever had in her entire life, but being disappointed he hadn't said them was wrong and unfair. The words he said were so kind and heartfelt, but they did not speak as many volumes as his actions.

Sitting on that bench with Rick in the middle of a strip mall parking lot Kate decided that maybe it was time to start letting go. She had bottled up all of the emotions regarding her mother's murder and her father's struggles for so long she had not realized how much they were hurting her, how much they stopped her from living her life. Sure, they came out in bursts now and then, but she kept so much of them inside, fearful of what letting them out—what letting go—would really mean.

She didn't have to be alone—that was the lesson Rick and all his kindness had taught her. She could let someone in, trust them and lean on them, as long as that person had demonstrated loyalty and a willingness to understand and be patient with her many faults. No man she had ever met had done that as well as Rick.

He praised her more than she thought she deserved, but really it was him that earned all the adoration. Without ever being asked he had gone far above and beyond the call of friendship, being with her through every step, always offering his support, and never once complaining or asking for anything in return. For that last part, she felt no small amount of guilt, but hoped in time she would be able to make it up to him. First, she needed to work on letting go.

Kate studied the cerulean eyes of the man seated beside her and her heart seized with emotion. In that moment, she had no doubt that she loved him, but she could not utter the words aloud—not yet. She needed time before she fully opened her heart to him.

Still, she didn't want the moment to be wasted, so she scooted closer to him and rested her head against his shoulder, deciding on another truth to reveal. "You're my best friend, Rick."

He was quiet for a moment before asking a little bit hesitantly, "I thought Maddy was your best friend?"

Kate almost laughed. Maddy accompanying her to her father's rehab? Maddy helping her carry her passed out, vomit-covered father to bed in the middle of the night? Maddy could absolutely be a good person, but those duties were way out of the league of a regular friend. "She's the friend I've known the longest, but you're my best friend."

His head came to rest against hers as he sighed out, "You're my best friend, too."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

"Good evening, m'lady." Rick Castle bowed his chest and dipped his chin as he held out a single long-stemmed red rose to his date of the evening.

"Rick." Kate laughed and took the flower. "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean what am I doing?" he asked, his voice ringing with an innocence both of them knew to be a lie. Of course Kate knew he was taking her out in celebration of her twenty-first birthday, but she had no idea what surprises that evening had in store for her—and that was precisely Rick's plan. Though her birthday had technically been four days earlier, their official celebration could not occur until that night due to his complex—and timely—plans. Despite her insistence that an extra special celebration was unnecessary, Rick could not have disagreed more. After everything she'd been through, she was lucky he wasn't throwing her an event to rival the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Despite the rough start, Kate's attitude and emotional state had improved steadily since her father entered rehab six weeks prior. Every now and then receiving a letter from him would set her back a few steps, but Jim seemed to be doing well. At least, the few letters Kate had allowed Rick to read seemed positive and, with each reassurance he was doing well, Kate's smile grew a little big larger, her laugh a little bit bolder.

As he possessed no official training in psychology or anything remotely similar, Rick could not say for certain, but he could not help but think her confession about her mother on the day her father entered rehab helped to lighten her emotional load. He had always known she was closed off and held her emotions tightly together, but hearing just how much she had been burdened, just how much she'd struggled made him realize just how strong she was, but also how suffocated. Not only had she told him about her mother that day, but she had also spoken about her several times since, and Rick couldn't have been happier about it.

At the onset of November Rick began thinking about what he could do for her twenty-first birthday. Considering that her father was in rehab for alcoholism, he doubted she would be up for the traditional celebrations he was used to with his buddies: twenty-one shots, a twenty-one bar crawl, twenty-one keg stands…the alcohol-fueled list was endless. He would never have dared suggesting such an event to her and, frankly, that didn't bother him one bit. After everything he'd seen Jim go through over the prior few months, drinking to excess had lost all appeal to him. Hell, as of late, he rarely felt the need for a third beer let alone anything else. Maybe if he was at a bar watching a game with his buddies, but even then he maxed out at three or four.

With an alcohol-centric event removed from the list of possibilities, Rick began to think about something he could do for her that was unique but also enjoyable. Almost as if fate had heard him, Kate let slip that magic used to be her favorite thing growing up. Evidently, her now deceased grandfather would take her to a magic shop one Saturday morning a month and they would explore for several hours. The moment he heard this, an alarm sounded in Rick's head. Bingo!

Using his New York theater knowledgebase (aka his mother), Rick found a magic show in the city the weekend after Kate's birthday. Amazingly, the hands of fate had worked again in his favor for the show happened to be taking place at a theater his mother had frequented during her years on the stage. Using those connections, he contacted the magician and made a deal with the man to bring Kate on stage during the show. He wanted to be sure she would not be subjected to something embarrassing like being hypnotized and forced to squawk like a chicken in front of an audience of a few hundred. Ideally, she would get to see something behind the scenes, so to speak. The magician agreed to his terms and the plan was set.

As they entered the restaurant (a steakhouse per Kate's request; she hadn't had steak in a long time due to her poor college student budget) butterflies tumbled around in Rick's stomach. He wanted the night to go well so badly—not for him, but for her. She deserved a break, she deserved a wonderful birthday and since she did not know about the magic show her enjoyment factor was absolutely up in the air.

They took their seats and ordered despite Kate being alarmed at the prices she saw on the menu. He assured her it was fine, joking his book would be finished any day and he could pay off his credit card once the advance check cleared. They sipped wine as they waited and commented on how strange it was to be drinking fancy and expensive wine like adults instead of wine coolers and cheap beer like college students.

"So…where are we going now?" Kate asked when they left the restaurant, both their bellies full. Rick was actually impressed at the fact that Kate had finished her entire steak. Naturally he had finished his, but she was so much smaller and, as such, typically ate only half as much as he.

"You don't like the term 'surprise' very much, do you?" he returned with a side-eye.

"Hey—I didn't pester you too much this week, did I?"

"No." He conceded with a shake of his head. "You were actually very good. Okay, okay—we're going to see a magician."

Her brow wrinkled. "A magician? What kind of magician?"

"One who frequents kids' birthday parties. You like rabbits being pulled out of hats, right?" He teased and she gave him a look. Laughing, he added, "You're going to like it; I promise."

* * *

Kate did like it. In fact, she loved it. When they settled into their seats and she casually reviewed the pamphlet with the magician's bio and some information about the theater, Rick knew she had absolutely no inkling about what was going to happen. Despite the fact that his stomach buzzed even more with nerves he could not have been more thrilled.

About twenty minutes into the show, the magician announced he was going to need an audience member to help him with a trick. He said he would not take volunteers, but instead would divine the name of a person sitting in the theater and that person would be the one destined to help him. Rick knew exactly which name he would "magically" come up with, but he had to admit the guy put on a very good show.

When the magician announced Kate's name, Rick felt her jump in her seat beside him. Playing innocent, he looked at her, jaw open in shock, but she was too smart for him. He heard her accuse, "What did you do?" just as the magician's assistants pulled her from her seat and led her back stage.

Kate was gone for only seven or eight minutes when the magician placed a pretty blonde woman in a box, made a production of locking and shutting the doors before sliding various swords through them, pretending to struggle as he presumably punctured his assistant-turned-victim. Much to Rick's delight, when the box opened again, it was Kate who exited; the blonde came out from backstage and ushered Kate to her seat a moment later. As she descended the stairs to the audience, Rick had never seen her smile so big; he absolutely loved it.

During the intermission Rick began peppering her with questions about her experience and how the trick had worked, but despite his confession that yes of course he had arranged for her to be the audience member pulled on stage she would not reveal the trick's secret for him. Rick was crushed and hoped he would be able to annoy her into responding, but she continually refused—and clearly enjoyed every moment of it.

* * *

"So," Rick asked, reaching down and snagging her hand as they exited the theater, "did you enjoy your birthday presents?"

Kate didn't even consider pulling away when his hand closed around hers. She squeezed his fingertips and looked over at him, amazed. What he had given her was beyond her wildest imaginations; it was incredible, just like he was.

Despite it being a milestone year, Kate had been very hesitant to celebrate her birthday, particularly with her father in rehab. Every year—ever since she could remember—she had celebrated her birthday with her parents. Sometimes they would go out, but most times they would stay in, but there would always be chocolate cake. Even after her mother passed, her father had celebrated the day with her sober—at least until after she went to bed. Without her father around she was really just ready to skip over the day all together, but Rick had insisted. And, if she had learned one thing over their prior nine months of knowing one another, it was that once he insisted upon something Rick rarely backed down.

Originally, they were just supposed to go to a simple dinner, and she didn't feel the need to fight that too hard. One night at a real restaurant and not eating in the student union? Yeah, she could "suffer" through that. But then he changed the plans—dinner wouldn't be on her actual birthday, but the Friday after. Oh, and they would be doing something special afterwards. After the prior few hours she didn't think "special" even came close to the correct description; he had gone above and beyond in every conceivable way.

"It was wonderful, Rick. Thank you. Truly."

He grinned. "So your twenty-first might be one for the record books?"

"Might be." She echoed with a laugh. "Honestly at this point my only complaint is that these new boots I bought myself—they are killing my feet! Guess that's what I get for a spur of the moment purchase…"

"Then my final gift to you will be a foot rub."

"Wha—no!" No, she stammered out. She hadn't been hinting for him to offer that up at all! He had simply asked as they were walking and the pinch in her toes reminded her with every step the impromptu fashion error in judgement she had made. "I wasn't looking for you to-"

"I know, but I don't mind."

She should have turned him down, but each step was torture. And, damn, now her arch was hurting along with the toes. Really, it would have been silly to turn him down. "Okay…if you want."

To save her feet, they hailed a cab, which she appreciated greatly, though she was reminded once again of her poor decision as they trekked to her second floor room. Once inside, they were met by a frowning Abby, who collected her books and disappeared down to the common room. Though she and Kate continually battled on the Rick-entering-their-room issue, Abby had conceded to his presence that night on the account of it being Kate's birthday.

Once inside, Rick shrugged off his jacket and sighed. "She's never going to like me, is she?"

Kate winced as she sat down on her bed and took the weight off her feet. "Not unless you can change your gender."

Rick shook his head as he gazed towards Abby's empty bed. "I'm sorry that someone hurt her that badly."

She let out a small whimper as she pulled her left boot off. Her two smallest toes were bright red and throbbing; she suspected a blister might appear by morning. She tossed the left boot aside and turned to the right to repeat the process.

"I know, but to be fair I'm not sure how big of a men fan she was before the attack. I heard her and one of her fellow feminist studies majors going on the other day. Yikes." She cringed in recollection. As she too had been through an assault, she totally understood the urge to shy away from the male gender, or at least maintain an elevated level of caution, but she did not understand their default hatred. Yes, some men were bad—as were some women—but others were wonderful, like the man who sat down on the bed beside her and eagerly pulled one of her aching feet into his lap.

When Rick's thumb dug unto a particularly tight part of her mid-foot Kate let out a moan and relaxed back against her pillows. "You're kind of awesome at this."

He chuckled as he looked at her. "Thanks, I'll be sure to put that on my resume."

She mirrored his smile. "You should."

They sat in a companionable silence for several minutes as Kate lay back, listening to the sounds of chatter coming from the halls of her dorm on that Friday evening. She was reflecting on a particularly interesting moment of the magic show when Rick switched from her left foot to her right. In doing so, his hand brushed up her bare leg and she could feel sparks shoot up her skin and land directly in her belly.

Oh. Well. That was different.

Gazing over at him skimming his hands over her feet she felt not just love, but desire. An ember previously flickering in her chest grew to a full flame and she could feel the tingles in her belly spiral around before settling between her legs and—oh, shit, she was really attracted to him, wasn't she?

From the first day they met Kate had recognized Rick's handsomeness, but at the time it was mitigated greatly by his annoyingness. As the year progressed too much happened to her to emotionally be in that space, but still she had fallen in love with him as a friend, knowing that deep down it was more. In the two months since realizing she loved him, Kate had tried to open herself up to him more every day and she finally felt as though she was approaching a place where she would be able to be in a relationship with someone, to be someone's girlfriend, as terrifying as that seemed.

Delicately, she pulled her foot from his lap and sat up on the bed, swinging her legs to the ground so they sat side by side. He gazed at her curiously and she gave a tentative smile. "I need to thank you, Rick. Not just for making me celebrate my birthday, but for everything else you've done. I know that I thank you a lot, but somehow it still never seems enough."

"It's more than enough," he promised.

"It's just…you might have realized this, but I don't like to let people in my life a lot. Everything that happened with my mom and then my dad…it was hard for me. I…I thought if I can't trust my father then who can I trust not to hurt me? For a long time, I thought the answer was no one. Now, I know that's not true."

She paused and looked up at him. Seeing that he watched her with intensity, she continued. "I'm trying to be more open, to get to a better place, but it's been difficult for me and…well, I guess you could say I'm a work in progress, but nights like these really help and I thank you for that."

She wasn't ready to say the words directly yet—they came with too much weight, too much responsibility—but she needed him to know how much she cared. How much he meant to her. How she couldn't imagine her life without him. From the look that reflected back in his eyes, she felt confident she succeeded.

"Any time, Kate." He offered a smile and then pushed himself to a standing position. "I guess I'll, uh-"

"Wait." She stood and lifted herself up on her toes so she could wrap her arms around his shoulders. It was difficult in her bare feet as he had nearly five inches on her, but she managed. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she sunk against him.

They had been hugging more and more, particularly as a greeting or goodbye, but those were mostly quick, one-armed hugs as they took place outside of classrooms or the dining hall. This hug, however, was different. It was one of the few in which she'd held him as tightly as her arms would allow. She tucked her face into his neck, caught a whiff of his aftershave, and the tingles were back, that time flowing down her neck and straight to her heart.

Kate pulled back a few inches so that she could press her lips against his cheek. He squeezed her waist a bit tighter and she just knew; it was time.

Very cautiously, she loosened her grip on his shoulders and leaned back a few inches further until she could press her lips against his. She felt him lean his face into hers for the most innocent of first kisses, but it was enough to fill her heart with more joy than she ever imagined possible.

Lowering herself to her flat feet, Kate offered him a small smile. "Goodnight, Rick."

"I-" His voice came out as a squeak so he cleared his throat and continued with, "Uh, yeah, goodnight."

He grabbed his jacket and walked towards the exit, his eyes never leaving her. When he groped for the handle and pulled the door open, he accidentally smashed himself in the forehead with it. At this unexpected action, Kate let out a blip of laughter mostly from the stunned look on his face. After insisting he was fine, he scurried from the room and Kate turned back to her bed still wearing the ear-to-ear grin, knowing it wouldn't leave her face until morning.

* * *

 _A/N: hope everyone has enjoyed the "slow burn" happening in this fic. As always, thank you so much for your reviews!_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

"So are you doing anything special for the holidays? Other than us going to get your dad, I mean."

Kate dropped her pen into her lap and rested her forearms against her thighs before looking up at her companion. They were studying for their art history final, which was to take place in two days. For the most part Kate felt she was ready for the exam, so she was helping Rick who, thanks to making a poor subject choice, was teetering very close to the pass/fail line.

"Oh I don't know…Maddy will be back a few days before Christmas and I'm sure she wants to tell me all about her semester so we'll probably meet up a few times."

"She ever find that rich sheik to marry?"

"I don't think so." Kate laughed at the memory of the conversation with her friend during which Maddy informed her she was absolutely positive she would find a rich oil tycoon or, more likely, the son of a rich oil tycoon to fall madly in love with her during her semester in Abu Dhabi. As she did with many of Maddy's plans Kate merely laughed to herself and wished her friend the best of luck.

"Bummer. Anyway, um, I was hoping we could spend some time together."

Kate almost laughed. How could they not spend time together? It wasn't as though she expected them to part ways the day of their art history final and never meet again until the new semester. Ever since her birthday they had seen each other daily. They had plans to pick up her father the Sunday after their final exams, but she completely expected to see him several times over their four week school break. "Of course we can hang out, Rick."

He smiled. "That's nice, but not exactly what I meant. I know you're going to be spending time with your father and I totally get that—I wouldn't want to be rude—and it definitely doesn't have to be on Christmas Eve. Maybe the day before? But I was hoping we could do something special."

Kate felt herself flush at his sentiments. She should have known. It only made sense that the man who had done something so creative, sweet, and intricate for her birthday would also want to do something for her for Christmas. Her mind reeled with the possibilities. Somehow, she just knew his plans would involve Christmas lights, possibly a Santa or elf costume, and definitely mistletoe. As much as part of her wanted to see just what he would come up with, she really could not accept.

"Oh. Rick, that's sweet, but I don't celebrate Christmas."

"…Hanukah?" he asked slowly

She shook her head. "No, I'm not Jewish. I mean _I_ don't celebrate Christmas…anymore."

Clearly ignoring her stressed tone, he grinned cheekily. "Did Santa do something to offend you?"

She grumbled and turned back to her notebook, muttering out, "Just forget it." Though his ability to lighten her mood was a quality she very much appreciated about him, she could not accept teasing or joking anywhere remotely near the subject of her mother.

Kate felt a hand land on her knee as he said, "No I'm sorry—I'm being serious. Why don't you celebrate Christmas?" When she said nothing, he continued with. "Is it because your mom died so close to the holidays?"

She recoiled instantly from his touch. How had he-? Unbelievable; he was unbelievable. Yes, she had been sharing more stories about her mother with him in the past few months, but they were happy stories from happy memories. The last thing she wanted to discuss was the worst day of her life.

Rotating her body away from him she sighed out, "Why can't you just leave things alone?"

He scooted a bit closer to her. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. The last thing I ever wanted to do was upset you but…you know me—I can't help myself. Late one night I was on my computer and I just started Googling for stuff and I found her obituary."

She didn't respond or look at him. The days and weeks after her mother's death had become such a blur due to her grief she wasn't even entirely sure that she had read the obituary. She probably had through a haze of tears and misery, but what did it matter? Words on a page could never convey just how wonderful she was.

"Kate, please look at me."

Stubbornly, she didn't want to, but when his hand grazed gently down her back she did lift her head to face him. "I'm so glad you've been talking about your mother with me and I don't want that to stop just because I'm the idiot cat that doesn't realize my curiosity will be the death of me."

Despite her sorrow, Kate let out a light laugh at his words. She knew she was being unfair to him by retreating into her world of grief. Rick had not meant anything malicious by his actions; he was exactly how he described—too curious for his own good. "I know and I'm the one that's sorry. It's just…my father is a mess, I don't have a mother. Why the hell would I bother celebrating Christmas?"

When Kate pictured a Christmas celebration it was mothers, fathers, siblings and grandparents seated around a table sharing a meal or around a fireplace trading presents. What would she have? A tragic plastic tree, a father who went to two AA meetings a day, and whatever food she could cook them both. Some holiday.

"Because it's Christmas."

She grumbled at him, but he seemed undeterred. "Okay how about this—we'll hang out on December twenty-fourth and it'll just be a regular day. No Christmas movies, no Christmas carols, no—and it pains me to say this—Christmas presents. We'll just hang out."

Seeing the ear-to-ear grin on her face made Kate want to smile. Oddly, she also wanted to smack him for his eternal optimism. "You're not going to let me say no, are you?"

"Probably not."

With a heavy sigh, she relented. "Fine…December twenty-fourth it is."

* * *

"Are you sure you mom doesn't mind that I'm in here?"

Rick almost laughed as he looked over at the girl shrugging off her coat and hanging it over the back of his desk chair. She was presumably referring to the fact that their Christmas Eve movie watching marathon was taking place in his bedroom, where Kate would also be spending the night. "I assure you she's the last person that's going to care. I could probably have an orgy and she'd be all, 'Que sera darling.'"

Though he was surprised when Kate said their movie watching time could go as late as they wanted, she explained that her father planned on attending back-to-back AA meetings that night and assured her she could do whatever she wanted for Christmas Eve as long as they spent Christmas Day together. Rick was all too happy to agree to this plan, so he took his friend out to dinner (for Chinese—what else?) and then they returned to his vacant apartment. His mother was performing in a Christmas show that evening and attending midnight mass with her gentlemen friend of the month, thus she didn't know or care what her son was up to.

"Rick?"

"Yes?"

"Let's not talk about orgies this close to Christmas…"

He laughed at the displeased expression on her face. "Sounds good." After tossing his own coat onto the floor in front of his closet, he walked over to the stack of DVDs resting beside the television, which faced the bed from its seat atop his dresser. "I've got a few movie choices here, but I thought maybe we'd go with Die Hard. While technically set at Christmastime I don't think you could really classify it as a Christmas movie."

She shrugged and sat down on the bed. "Sure. Why not?"

After popping the DVD in the player and grabbing the remote, Rick joined Kate on his bed. He rearranged pillows behind him so that he could recline back with his head braced by his left arm tucked under it. Kate mirrored his position and rested her shoulder against his. As the movie began to play, Rick couldn't think of a better way to spend his Christmas Eve.

* * *

"Can I tell you something?"

Rick gazed back at Kate from his position at the TV where he was switching from Die Hard to Die Hard 2. "Always."

"I…I've been doing a lot of thinking. I don't think I want to go to law school…I want to go to the police academy instead."

"Is that how much john McClain inspired you?" he asked as he approached the bed.

"No!" She half-laughed. "I've…I've thought about it for a while. Is that stupid?"

Her tone was cautious so his was solid and reassuring. "Why would it be stupid?"

She shrugged. "I don't know…I'm just not sure."

Rick kneeled down on the bed and sat on his right hip just a few inches from her leg. Though he had never heard her talk about being anything other than a lawyer, he knew she was the type of person who would fully commit herself and succeed in whatever she chose to pursue. "Whatever you decide, Kate, you'll be great at it. You'd be a great lawyer. You'd be a great cop."

"Detective; I want to be a detective."

To bring to justice criminals, like whoever had stolen her mother's life, he imagined. "Even better."

She picked at a stray thread on her jeans as she spoke. "I don't know. I'm not really sure. It's…I feel like things are changing; I'm changing. A year ago I was just on this one track path: undergrad, LSAT, law school and the police academy was in the back of my mind. Now, it feels like they switched but…I don't even know. Maybe I'll do neither."

"Who says you have to decide now? Or that the path is so linear? Hell, you could graduate and backpack through Europe for six months. Oh! We could get a group of people together and all go." He suggested with no small amount of excitement. Wouldn't that be fun! He had never been out of the country and something like that sounded like an adventure that would give him a lot more to write about.

She eyed him skeptically. "Except you graduate next year not in two years."

He shrugged. "Yeah but it's not like I'm going to have a nine-to-five job; I can write in Europe. I could write anywhere."

When his less-than-convinced companion said, "We'll see," before excusing herself to the bathroom, Rick watched her go while considering what she had said. His mind drifted back to the part of the statement she made where she said she was changing. He could only hope that despite those changes she wanted to keep him in her life.

* * *

"So, um, I have something for you."

Kate glanced up from checking her phone for messages from her father to see the writer not at the television switching to Die Hard: With a Vengeance to complete the trilogy, but instead by his desk with a red box in his hands. She groaned.

"Rick…"

"No, I know we talked about it and since this isn't actually a celebration of the holiday-that-shall-not-be-named, it's not a present. Let's call it a…gesture of friendship."

He placed the box down on the bed in front of her and she gazed down at it, suspicious. "Gesture of friendship?"

"Yep. So here you go, friend." He gave the box a small nudge and it slid another inch towards her.

Kate's chest deflated. Why did this not surprise her? She did not get him a present because they agreed to no presents. So why was he giving her a present!? Especially since 'gesture of friendship' was just a fancy and made up term he used to justify the fact that he was giving her a present. "What…what is this?"

"Open it."

Twisting her lips to the side at his mysterious smile, Kate reluctantly reached out for the box and pulled it towards her. She pulled off the lid to find a stack of letter sized paper bound together with two rubber bands, so she repeated her question.

"It's a very, very, _very_ rough draft of _Flowers for Your Grave_."

Kate's heart lifted when she heard the title to his second book. Oh! This wasn't a present at all—it was much, much better! Eagerly, she lifted the stack of pages from the box and pulled it into her lap. "You finished?"

He sat down beside her and smiled. "A few days ago, yeah."

Kate pulled off the top rubber band and skimmed through the pages. There were so many! She guessed it would be longer than his inaugural book, though it was difficult to tell because of how it was printed. Either way, she didn't care—she just couldn't wait to read it!

"Oh Rick, thank you!"

He nodded graciously. "You can read it whenever but might I, uh, draw your attention to the dedication?"

Intrigued, Kate flipped up the first three pages until she spotted the nine word sentence printed dead center of the page.

 _For KB – I couldn't ask for a better friend_

She couldn't speak. Her breath had been trapped somewhere between her lungs and her throat. He had dedicated his book to her? How was that even possible? Was that even right? What in the world could she had done to warrant such an honor?

Looking up at him, she asked very quietly, "To me?"

His smile would have brightened the world's darkest cave in that moment as he looked at her. "I couldn't have done it without you."

She could feel her cheeks burn with fire as she shook her head. "That's not true."

"It is. You were instrumental."

Kate could hardly believe that, but the soft sincerity of his tone told her that he believed it one hundred percent. Staring down at the novel in her lap she thought back over the prior months when he had been heavily entrenched in the writing process. She could remember quite a few conversations they had about the book sometimes in person, sometimes over the phone. He'd ask her what she thought about silly little things like character names or the name of a location or a fake business he created, but she didn't see that as helping, really. When he asked about plot points, she tried to be honest, but act more as a therapist and answer his questions with questions to help him find the solution himself. After all, it was his story.

The only part of the process she felt remotely helpful in was as his friend—his support. Due to the critical praise of his inaugural book, Rick felt a great deal of pressure when it came to his second. He wanted _Flowers for Your Grave_ to continue on a successful path and not be letdown. In that role, Kate had no trouble. He was a wonderful writer and she had no problem letting him know that over and over again. Still, the dedication shocked her and it showed just how much he cared about her.

"I…don't know what to say. Thank you very much."

He smiled. "You're very welcome."

Kate set the book back into its box and leaned forward to kiss his cheek and hug him. As his arms closed around her she thought about how nice it was to be close to him. Even though she tried not to think about it, technically that day was a holiday and she was getting to spend it with someone she loved. Maybe celebrating Christmas that year for the first time in half a decade wasn't such a terrible thing.

* * *

 _Thank you for all your kind reviews - I'm so glad everyone is enjoying the story!_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

"So, wait, let me get this straight." Maddy nudged her to-go coffee cup to the side so she could lean her forearms against the table and stare intently at her friend. "This guy who is a one hundred percent legitimate published author dedicated his new book to you."

Kate bobbed her head. "Right."

"But you're "just friends?"" Maddy lifted her hands and used her index and middle fingers of both hands to accentuate the last two words of her question.

"What's with the air quotes?"

"Because I don't believe you."

Kate sighed and leaned back in her chair, playing with the crumpled up wrapper of her drink straw. Why did that not surprise her? "Well, that's what we are; we're friends."

"Mmm…"

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing."

Pursing her lips, Kate said, "It's something. Go ahead, get it out." They had spent the last hour catching up, which meant that Maddy had done eighty to ninety percent of the talking. Kate didn't see a reason for her to hold anything in now.

The blonde sighed and rounded her shoulders. "I just don't understand you, Bex. You have it all right in front of you and it's like…you don't want it."

From the way Maddy spoke, Kate had just turned down a one hundred million dollar lottery jackpot for an unknown reason, but she didn't understand the connection between her life and Maddy's disappointment. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Rick. He's…the whole package."

Oh, so that's what she was getting at; Maddy couldn't believe she and Rick weren't a couple. Again, this was not new information. Despite the fact that she could feel her face flushing, she shook her head. "You don't even know him."

"Yeah, but you know who I do know? College guys. And let me tell you something, Kate. Basically other than cheap food, cheaper beer, and sleep all they really want is something to put their dick in."

Kate's jaw dropped at her friend's brazen statement as they sat in a public place. Glancing around quickly to make sure that none of the other Starbucks patrons were in earshot, she hissed, "Maddy!"

Unfazed, Maddy shrugged. "It's true. I realize that by removing yourself from the dating world you're not aware of this, but trust me—it's true. Every now and then you'll find a guy that's interested in you as a person, but those are usually the quiet nerdy ones who aren't very attractive. Also, they usually sweat a lot."

Kate fought the urge to choke on her frappuccino. "Wow."

Casually lifting her cup to her mouth, the blonde said, "That's a fact."

"I'll take your word for it."

"But Kate don't you see? You've managed to find the rare exception. You found a rich, handsome, twenty-one year old guy who adores you and I bet you haven't even seen his dick!" Maddy spoke as though this accomplishment was akin to scaling Mount Everest.

Uncomfortable with discussing intimate parts of her fiend's anatomy that of course she had not seen, Kate cleared her throat and said casually, "He's not rich."

"Compared to us he is."

Unable to argue with this true statement, she changed courses. "He's...he's just a nice person."

Maddy pressed her palms flat against the table and leaned back. "Oh my god, Kate, you don't really think that do you?"

Kate let out a slight squeak and quickly defended the writer. "He is nice!"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course he is, but he doesn't do everything he does for you because he's a nice person. Look, you know me—I don't judge. If you don't want to date, that's your business not mine, but don't be cruel to him. Tell him you don't want to date him so you don't break his heart."

Kate traced the drips of condensation on the outside of her plastic cup. She chewed on her bottom lip for a few seconds before confessing. "I...I think maybe I am dating him. Kind of."

The blonde blinked. "What does that mean?"

She grumbled and brought her fingertips to run across her forehead. Whining slightly, she said, "I don't know. Things have been different since my birthday. He kisses my cheek and my forehead and he touches me a lot more." Not that she has minded any of this. It's actually been rather…nice.

She's looked forward to him greeting her with a kiss on her cheek, to the way she could feel the roughness of his stubble depending on the time of day. Though he'd done it many times, she still felt chills when his hand grazed down her spine as they walk down a sidewalk, or if he guided her out a door or through a particularly crowded room. Most of all, she liked snuggling with him during their Christmas Eve movie marathon, and waking up with her head tucked against his arm. It felt…natural.

"Okay then let me change what I said before: if you want to date him, tell him; don't live in limbo."

Right, Kate thought, easier said than done. "But, I've never dated. I'd be a disaster and I couldn't do that to him." She shook her head and lowered her chin to her chest as the thoughts she'd been having for weeks flooded to the forefront of her mind.

She had finally reached the point where she accepted the fact that she wanted to be in a relationship with Rick and all that entailed. In doing so, she unveiled a variety of new sources for fear and anxiety. Physical and emotional intimacy had never been party of her life. She wasn't even sure she knew _how_ to partake in those things with a man. God, she was twenty-one and didn't know how to date. Tragic as it was, that didn't make it less true.

And what about Rick? He was so kind and sweet to her. He was a wonderful person. The last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt him. Yet, she feared that would be exactly how their friendship-turned-relationship ended. She would be an absolute mess of a girlfriend, his feelings for her would diminish, or he would just grow too frustrated with her inability to behave like other girlfriends, and they would break up, shattering both their hearts. In her mind, the odds were already stacked against them.

"Uh Kate?" Maddy's voice pulled her from her internal stress. "That thing you described—dinner and movies on Christmas Eve. Honey that was a date."

"I know but…" She let her voice drift off with a sigh. As Maddy had been dating since they were thirteen, she did not think her friend would understand her concerns.

"Bex." Maddy reached across the table and took her friend's hand. "If anyone deserves to be happy, it's you Kate. And Rick makes you happy, doesn't he?"

She nodded with a smile. "Yeah, he does."

"So—and keep in mind this is just a suggestion—maybe now you guys have something to talk about on New Year's Eve."

* * *

"Ooh! Six minutes to midnight—better get the bubbly!"

Kate laughed as she watched the writer hop off the couch and scurry towards the kitchen. When discussing their plans, she had rolled her eyes at Rick's suggestion they have a champagne toast at midnight; she thought he was joking. Then, he showed up at her father's apartment with a bottle and before she could even begin a rebuttal, he showed her the label. The "champagne" was actually sparkling cider, which he'd brought so her father could partake as well. That simple act touched her heart more than she could ever say.

Their plans for New Year's Eve were largely similar to those from one week prior. They would get dinner (pizza and break sticks this time) and then watch only one movie before switching to the New Year's festivities on the TV. They had invited Kate's father to join them and he did, but only for dinner. Then, he went to an AA meeting, and when he returned went directly into his room so "the kids" as he called them could stay on the couch.

As the night wore on, Kate could feel the nerves building in her stomach; her chest tightened almost every time she looked at him. In the four days since her coffee discussion with Maddy, she had come to terms with the fact that, surprisingly, her off-the-wall-at-times friend had made a very valid and rational point. She needed to discuss her feelings with Rick. The problem was: what the hell should she say?

"Hey, I think maybe we should go out," was the simplest route, but she felt it was _too_ simple. Not explaining her background to him felt dishonest and he deserved to know the truth. Yet, confessing that she was a twenty-one-year-old who had never dated was also terrifying. Kind as he was, Rick was bound to be surprised by that.

"Here you go." Rick returned from the kitchen with two tumbler glasses half filled with sparkling cider. The Beckett home had no champagne glasses and Kate had packed away all the wine glasses before her father returned home in keeping with the 'Out of sight, out of mind' theory she hoped would work for him.

Kate laughed as she took the glass. "Thanks, Rick."

He winked at her as he returned to his seat on the cushion beside her. Raising his glass he said, "Let's toast to a new year filled with endless possibilities."

Kate couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Has there ever been a time in your life when you weren't an eternal optimist?"

"No." He grinned. "But when is there a more perfect time to be optimistic than on the cusp of a new year?"

She shrugged. "It's really just another day."

He cocked his head to the side and gave her a perturbed look. "Then will you just humor me?"

A slight smile crossed her face and she apologized. For the most part, she was just teasing him—for the most part. She had never exactly understood the over-the-top enthusiasm when it came to New Year's particular when it came to resolutions. She believed if you wanted to make a change you should do so no matter the time of year. Or, at least not wait until January first to make that change. Ironically, January first was the exact date she planned on listening to her own advice.

Rick and Kate watched as the clock on the television counted down to midnight. When 12:00 finally arrived, they clinked their glasses together and drank their cider. With a smile, Rick leaned in to Kate. Surprised, her gut reaction was to lean away, which had him apologizing.

"Sorry—I was just going to kiss your cheek I promise!"

Embarrassed and nervous at the same time, she felt her cheeks flush, but she did not want to run away—not anymore. Kate leaned forward and set her glass down on the coffee table before turning to face the man beside her. This was it—the moment when everything changed.

"No, um, I want you to kiss me—a real kiss."

She could see the surprise on his face as he asked, "Are you sure?"

No she definitely was not! She wanted him to kiss her, but that kiss would mean so much more. It would be the point of no return, which in a way she was glad for. She wanted something to shove her off the ledge, so to speak. Still, her heart clutched in her chest and she tried to keep a casual tone of voice. "It's just a kiss, Rick."

* * *

Oh, but it wasn't, Rick knew it wasn't. It would be their first real kiss, as he hardly counted the peck she gave him after her birthday celebration. The fact that she was asking him to kiss her spoke volumes. He had waited for months so the anticipation factor was high, but he was absolutely ready to dive in.

Rick leaned in and slid his hand under her jaw. He gazed down at her and brushed his thumb over her cheekbone before lowering his lips to hers. She leaned into the kiss and his heart leapt into his throat; it was unquestionably perfect. When he pulled back, he saw her expression: tentative and a little bit shy, but with a brightness in her eyes that he had never seen before. Suddenly, his future was clear as though it were a written prophecy: he knew he never wanted to kiss a woman other than Kate Beckett for as long as he lived.

Unable to help himself, Rick leaned in for a second kiss and much to his delight she didn't deny him. She parted her lips and allowed them to intertwine; she even let out a soft moan when his pinky finger grazed along the pulse point of her neck. Though he probably could have kissed her for another hour, he didn't want to press his luck or test the waters of their newfound relationship too much, so he pulled back, bumped their noses together and said gently, "Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year." She echoed.

He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in close as they watched the aftermath of New Year's unfolding on the television. By twelve thirty the festivities had wound down and the station switched to the local news signaling Rick to lean forward, grab the remote, and turn off the television. He reluctantly slid his arm away from Kate so he could collect their used glasses and half-empty cider bottle.

"C'mon let's go lay down; I'm getting tired."

When he turned towards the kitchen, he saw she eyed him skeptically. "What happened to Mister 'One am isn't late for me'?"

He shrugged. "I'm tired; don't judge me." Truly, he wasn't that tired, but one he got her in his arms again he did not plan on moving until morning, so it only made sense that they move to her bed.

"I'm not judging, just teasing."

He hummed. "Mm well come lay down with me and you can tease me some more."

* * *

"What are you doing?"

Kate gazed down at the man making an absolute mess of her bed linens and pillows when she returned from brushing her teeth in the bathroom. She had only been gone three or four minutes. How had he manage to untuck all the tucked in corners and throw the pillows all around?

"Getting comfortable. I need space for my feet," he said, demonstrating this by poking his toes out from the end of the comforter and wiggling them at her. "C'mon; come cuddle."

She froze midway to her side of the bed. Cuddle? She had never cuddled in bed with anyone. Was cuddling really the next step after kissing? "Uh, okay."

Trapping her bottom lip between her teeth she sat down on the bed and slid backwards into his open arms so his chest met her back. When her head touched the pillow, his arms closed around her shoulders and waist. "There; perfect."

Perfect? Well, not exactly. Kate couldn't decide how comfortable she was in this position. There was definitely something amiss with the position of her head so she moved her neck around until it felt a bit more natural. When she felt his arms contract around her she shut her eyes, let out a long breath and—oh. That did feel rather nice, didn't it?

"So tell me what you're looking forward to most about this new year." His voice was soft behind her and the breath leaving his mouth tickled her ear.

"Oh, I dunno…"

"Yes c'mon."

Kate truly wasn't sure, so she decided to turn the tables and give herself more of a chance to think. "What are you looking forward to?"

"Graduation—obviously. Publishing my second book. Maybe a real book tour – more stops, bigger venues. Your turn," he said while poking her belly.

Kate brought her hands up to grab on to his arm tucked around her shoulders. As he wore a t-shirt she was able to skim her fingers up and down his forearm, tracing over the hairs that covered his skin. Lying there in his arms, she felt as though she were on the cusp of one of the greatest changes she was about to make in her life. Given that, she could not think of a concrete thing to look forward to in the new year, as her future seemed so uncertain. Instead, she decided on a generality. "I…I don't know if there's anything specific just to have a better year than last year since it was awful."

"It wasn't all awful."

She let out a light laugh. Sexual assault? The drunken escapades of her father? Bailing her father out of jail? "Pretty much."

"But…we met last year."

She could hear the slightly hurt tone in his voice and squeezed his arm a bit tighter. That was true, amazing as it seemed. She and Rick had met not quite a year earlier. In a way, that seemed crazy; she felt like she had known him for longer. Yet, with all they had been through, that made perfect sense.

Kate shut her eyes and thought back to an hour earlier when his lips were on hers. That was, unquestionably, her favorite moment of the prior year of her life, but as it technically fell in the current year, she knew he would flag her for cheating were she to mention it. Instead, she sighed out, "Yeah, Rick; you were the best part of my year."

He said nothing, but a moment later she felt his lips against the back of her head. She snuggled a bit closer to him, his arms locked around her and he held her tightly until long after they were both asleep.

* * *

 _This chapter is my favorite, btw. :)_


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

On New Year's Day when Kate awoke just after nine a.m. she was disappointed to find her bed empty. A minute later when she shuffled out into the hall, that disappointment was replaced by surprise, and, upon entering the kitchen, downright shock. Her father was seated at the table sipping coffee and reading the paper and Rick stood at the stove with a spatula in his hand. Evidently, he had woken up early and decided to make them all pancakes for breakfast.

As they ate, Kate's father questioned them about their plans for the remaining ten days of break. Specifically, he asked Rick about how he intended to spend his last days of free vacation time since after graduating in a few months he would be entering the adult working world. To this, Kate laughed and explained that while he would be out of school, being a writer would shelter him from the drudgery of a nine-to-five obligation facing most of their peers. He would still have ample free time to which Rick responded, "I know! Isn't it great?"

After walking Rick out and parting with a hug and a promise of a phone call later in the day, Kate returned to the kitchen to help her father clean up. He worked through the dishes while she wiped down the counter, table and stovetop. Before she could escape, however, he stopped her.

"Listen, Katie, um… I, well, I don't think we've ever really had this conversation and I know it's not the easiest, but it has to be done so we should just talk about it."

Kate's brow wrinkled as she watched her father's evasive gaze and hands wringing together. For a moment, her breath caught in her chest. Had something happened the prior night? Had he had a drink on the way home from his AA meeting? Is that why he'd slipped into his room so quickly? "What's going on dad?"

"You're twenty-one years old now and I'm sure—well, I hope—you know this, but as a parent I feel the need to mention that I hope you and Rick are being safe…using protection, that is."

Kate felt all the blood draining from her face. Oh god—this was so much worse than him falling off the wagon! Sliding her hand across her forehead she moaned out, "Dad…"

"I'm sorry Katie—if your mother was here I'm sure she'd be much better at this, but well you're stuck with me."

"Dad-"

"I know what you're going to say—you're an adult and you can make your own decisions and that's absolutely correct. I'm not going to tell you not to do anything, but I just-"

"Dad please stop!" She interjected now certain she had never been more embarrassed in her entire life. The sex talk she got from her mother when she was thirteen was an absolute walk in the park compared to this. "Rick and I aren't having sex."

Her father blinked at her. "Wh—you're not?"

She felt her stomach flip. Shit—is that why he had refused to watch the ball drop with them? Because he thought they were intimate and they would…what? Start groping each other in front of him? Finally meeting her father's eye, Kate was convinced her cheeks were the color of tomatoes. Honestly, she wasn't sure what embarrassed her more: the fact that he thought she and Rick had sex the night before or the fact that they were talking about it. "Is that what you though we were…"

"Well…yes. You're dating so-"

"No we're not." She corrected quickly.

"You're not dating?"

"No," she said, wrapping her arms across her body. Technically they weren't. Sure, they had kissed and spent the night in bed together many times and while on the surface those things seemed to imply dating, Kate did not officially consider Rick her boyfriend and she wouldn't until they'd had a truthful conversation about her past and their future.

"Then…what are you?"

"Best friends."

Her father arched his eyebrow at her. "Didn't he sleep in your bed last night?"

Yes— _platonically_! "So?"

"You're not dating?"

"No," she said, beginning to get annoyed that he did not believe her.

Jim took a few steps towards his daughter. "But he's…I mean you're…"

Kate shook her head, wanting to end their mortifying conversation as promptly as possible. "You don't have to worry dad—I would never have sex without using birth control. So, uh, thanks." She spun on her heel and took two steps towards the hall, delightfully close to escaping when her father stopped her with, "Wait, are you okay, honey?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" she replied, still inching her way towards salvation.

"Well you're not looking at me…"

"That's because you just asked me if I was having sex!"

She heard him chuckle lightly. "Is it? That man cares about you a lot."

"I know that…"

"Listen…I know this probably isn't something you want to hear from me. I probably don't have a right to say it given everything I put you though and I'm not proud of that—any of it, but there's something you need to know. Despite all my actions that might prove contrary, I wouldn't change what I had with your mother. Not one second of it. Even knowing we'd only have nineteen years together I wouldn't change it. I'd do it all again."

With that comment, Kate slowly rotated her body around to face her father. His soft blue eyes which had been so bloodshot and tired as of late were finally beginning to look clearer. His struggle with alcoholism had aged him more than the passing of time, but when he smiled at her softly like he was doing then, he seemed to look just a little bit younger. Kate felt her skin prickling and she brushed her palms against her forearms to alleviate the sensation. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you look a little bit afraid."

Her breath caught in her chest and she immediately felt the sensation of tears pricking behind her eyes. Damn it, she did not want to cry over this—even if her father had hit her emotions directly on the head. "I…that's not…"

"You should be happy, Katie; you deserve happiness and the kind that's within your grasp is rare and you should hold on to it."

Kate sniffed back some of the threatening tears and shook her head, trying to will the rest away. Her father was right. Maddy was right. Everyone seemed to be telling her the right things, yet her uncertain brain refuted them. They didn't understand—they didn't know what a disaster she would be. She could barely fathom it. Yet, she was tumbling down a direct path to Rick and she did not have any means of stopping herself.

"I…" Her voice drifted off when a thought hit her. How long had her father and Rick been in the kitchen together before she woke up? Had Rick—oh god—spoken to her father about their relationship? Had he asked for advice or—god lord—help? "H-He didn't put you up to this, did he?"

Her father shook his head. "No, why do you ask?"

Okay, that was a relief. Still, she shrugged. "Seemed like something he might do…"

Jim walked over and brushed his hands down her arms. "Well this is just me, I promise. Just think about it okay?"

* * *

Sitting on the couch in the Beckett apartment that January Friday Rick was attempting—and failing—to work on his edits for _Flowers for Your Grave_ before it was due at his publishers by the end of the month. He just couldn't focus; the lovely woman sitting beside him was merely too distracting. Of course, Kate wasn't actually doing anything to intentionally distract him. Quite the opposite in fact; she read a book and hadn't spoken or moved for twenty minutes, but just looking at her distracted Rick those days.

Ten days into the New Year and Rick was still amazed that they had finally— _finally_ —made it to the point where he could hug her and kiss her and it would make her smile instead of shy away. True, their post-New-Years kisses had been very brief and never more than a peck, but it was something. They were moving in the right direction—a permanent direction.

The following day they would be moving back into their dorm rooms for the spring semester of school. Though it would be his final semester of formalized education, Rick feared the sixteen weeks would pass slowly owing to the fact that his time with Kate would be limited or, at the least, obstructed. No longer would they be hanging out in his apartment or hers where they were relatively alone. They would have to do with roommates or common spaces. And, true, if they were dying for alone time their parents' apartments were just a subway ride away, but their access was certainly less convenient.

As the beginning of the semester neared, Rick had been reflecting on his college career. Specifically, the prior year of his life. For him, it had truly been transitional.

A year earlier, he'd entered the spring semester as a carefree twenty-year old with a Black Pawn check burning a hole in his pocket. He was ready to live it up, celebrate his publishing contract by drinking, dating, and partying with his friends. Then, he met his randomly assigned lab partner and had been captivated by her. That attraction alone would not have been enough to change him but witnessing her attack was; from that point forward things began to change. She changed him.

No longer was Rick looking forward to the next party, the next opportunity to kick his friends' ass in beer pong. He thought about his future career— _Flowers for Your Grave_ and the next novel he would write—and his future personal life: marriage, a family. Those things had been always "yeah, someday" in his mind, but when he looked at Kate he realized they weren't even part of a ten year plan, but a five year one.

Her laugh, her smile—he didn't want to go a day without them. He didn't want to go half a day! He loved the mornings they woke up together and he would watch her eyes flutter as she slept. He longed for a time where they could cuddle in bed all day without either of their parents hovering around and ruining the moment. He wanted that future with her; no question existed in his mind.

"Hey—can I run something by you?" He cleared his throat as he set his laptop aside and gazed up at her. The moment her eyes met him he felt the butterflies fill his stomach. _Rip the Band-Aid off, Rick_ , he thought to himself. "So…I need to find a place to live after graduation and-"

"You're not going to stay with your mom?" she asked, shutting her book and using her finger to mark her place.

"Um, no. I mean, I guess she wouldn't care—she isn't telling me to leave—but I want to. I want my own space and after I get my next check from Black Pawn I'll be able to afford it. Anyway, I know I'm jumping the gun a bit because if I don't want to move until May I probably can't look much earlier than March—maybe the end of February, but I was thinking maybe you would want to come and check out some apartments with me?"

An amused expression crossed her face. "You need my help to find a place you like?"

His heart hammered against his rib cage as he spoke his next sentences. "No, it's not that. That was, um, my roundabout way of asking you to move in with me after graduation."

The smile dropped from Kate's face immediately. She was silent for twenty seconds before she asked very quietly, "What?"

Rick scooted a bit close to her so that their knees were bumping. "I know you have another year left so if you don't want to right away—if you'd rather spend senior year in the dorms—that's totally fine. Kate are you okay? Are you breathing?" he asked when he noticed her face getting progressively paler.

A though he'd prodded her with an electric shock, Kate forced herself off the couch, dropping her book to the ground in the process. "Rick, oh my god…"

Oh shit. This was not going as good as he hoped it would. When she turned to face him with her arms hugging her torso and her eyes wider than if she'd seen her mother's ghost floating through the apartment he cringed. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"W-why?" She managed. "Why would you…"

Figuring he may as well go for broke he confessed, "Because I'm in love with you and not thinking clearly, apparently…" He knew she was hesitant and he understood and accepted that, but he thought that maybe if she knew exactly the place he was in—one hundred percent ready for a loving, committed relationship—then she would not be as nervous.

"I just. I was thinking about the next stage of my life—life after graduation. And, yeah, I basically have a job, but it's still the real world. It's my life, my future and, honestly, Kate I can't see my future without you in it. I never expected to find the woman I wanted to marry in physics class but I did."

She let out a choking gasp as tears spilled down her cheeks. She shook her head and took a half step away from him while bringing her hands up to cover her mouth. "You cannot possibly mean that."

He stood from the couch and gazed at her as steadily as he could with his thrumming heart. "I can. I do. With each day I am more certain that you are the person I'm meant to spend my life with. I love you."

Kate said nothing; she just shook her head, covered her face with her hands and sniffled every few seconds. Cautiously, Rick stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. Though she kept her hands over her face, she did fall forward into his embrace, which he took as a positive sign. Brushing his hands up and down her back he said lightly, "I didn't mean to make you cry."

After a minute she pushed herself away and walked over to retrieve a box of tissues. With it in her lap, she sat back on the couch and he joined her. Still not looking at him, she insisted, "I don't think you know what you're saying."

"And why's that?"

When her eyes finally met his, they were rimmed in red and black streaks from her mascara stained the tops of her cheeks. "I'm such a mess, Rick. I've never had a boyfriend. I've shut myself away from everyone since I was sixteen."

Rick couldn't say he was completely stunned to learn she had never had a boyfriend. From the way she acted, and the little clues he picked up on from things she said, he understood her dating history was not extensive. He was a little surprised to hear that she had never had a boyfriend, but in the end it didn't matter; she was still the same person he loved.

"That may have been true when we met a year ago, but what about now?" He asked, referring to her second statement—that she had shut herself away from everyone for half a decade. "What about me? Even if you don't love me we're friends, right? Best friends. You even said so."

* * *

Kate took in a deep breath as she pulled another tissue from the box. She mopped beneath her eyes and nose again before looking over at his hopeful gaze. How was this happening? Was this even real?

Rick loved her. This was not surprising, but the confirmation was wonderful and exactly what she wanted to hear. The rest of what he'd said—saying that he wanted to marry her and for her to move in with him—was stunning. She had just accepted that she wanted a relationship having no concept of what that would truly mean. How could she possibly jump from that to living with someone so quickly?

Her chest tightened with emotions both scary and exhilarating. There had been many a dark moment in her life when she feared she would never be able to open herself up enough to have a relationship with a man. Now that she had and that man was finally beside her, she was overwhelmed. She loved him so much. He meant so much to her. How could she even put that into words?

For the prior ten days she'd been carefully considering what her father said to her, particularly when he said that if given the chance he would choose his relationship with her mother all over again, even though he knew he'd lose her in the end. To Kate, that spoke volumes as it focused on one of her main fears: what if Rick hurt her? If she hurt him? If they hurt each other? But if her father, who had suffered so much, was telling her to take the chance then she knew she had to.

"Do you really think I don't love you?"

Rick reached out and touched her forearm gently. "If I thought you didn't love me, then asking you to move in with me would have been an absolutely idiotic decision."

"Well, you can be an idiot sometimes so it's hard to tell."

"Kate…" He half-laughed, half-whined at her teasing.

With a smile, Kate moved the tissue box to the coffee table before rising up on her knees on the sofa cushion, grasping his cheeks between her palms and giving him a sound kiss. His arms wound around her back and he pulled her in so their bodies were tight together.

When their lips separated, Kate rested her forehead and nose against Rick's and shut her eyes, taking a moment to breathe before she said softly, "I can't move in with you this summer." She could see it—them together. Lazy weekend mornings in bed, sharing the cooking in the evenings, arguing over which TV show they would watch. She wanted it—god, did she want it—but in sixteen weeks? It was just too soon.

"What about this fall?"

She shook her head against his. "I want to say yes, but I don't know. Maybe."

"Okay, I understand."

Releasing his face, Kate sat back on her heels and looked at him with no small amount of disbelief. "Do you? Do you really? I've never had a boyfriend, Rick. Never. I don't know how to do this; I'm going to be horrible at this."

She dropped her chin to her chest after her confession, just waiting for him to change his mind—to second guess—but he never did. Instead, he reached out his hand until his index finger tapped the bottom of her chin. He used this to raise her head until her eyes met his again. "I don't think that's true, but even if it were I wouldn't care."

She eyed him skeptically and he leaned forward, insistent. "I'm serious. You're extraordinary and I want you as you are—I wouldn't change a thing."

Kate felt the tears returning to her eyes at his statement. No one in her life had ever looked at her the way he was looking at her then. She feared the feelings inside her would crush her ribcage with their strength, but then he smiled and dusted his finger over her cheek and she lunged forward with a sob. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders she sighed, "What did I do to deserve you?"

"Nothing."

"Everything." Being there in that moment with him may not have made up for every terrible, tragic thing that had ever happened to her, but damn was it ever close.

When Kate slid out of their embrace, she brushed her lips briefly against his. Sitting back on her heels again, she stroked her hands across the collar of his shirt until they landed at his mid-chest. "I'm sorry it took me so long to stop being afraid of this—us."

He placed his hands atop hers and smiled. "Don't worry about it. I'm glad you waited until you were ready. And…you are ready now, right?"

She smiled at his tentativeness; it made her even happier to agree. "Very much."

He grinned. "Excellent!" Then, in one swift move, he grabbed her waist with his right hand and her hip with his left to guide her back towards the couch. When her head landed on the pillow she'd previously been using behind her back, his body followed her so he was half lying on top of her, her knees astride his waist.

"What are you doing?" she laughed as his face descended towards hers.

"Kissing you," he said in an isn't-it-obvious way. Then, he lowered his lips to hers. She brought her arms up to wrap around his back and pulled him in just a little bit tighter.

Kate was not sure how long she and Rick had been making out on the couch and, quite frankly, she didn't care. She could have felt his lips against her mouth, her cheeks, and her neck for hours. It was only when she heard an obnoxious throat clearing did she remember that they were not secluded in a room together, but actually in the main living area of her father's apartment. Evidently, he had just arrived home from his AA meeting.

"Dad!" she blurted out, trying to scramble out from beneath Rick's large form. This was, of course, easier said than done as he had her pinned down and, in his surprise, had become a statue. It wasn't until she prodded her finger in between two of his ribs that he yelped and moved enough for her to slid out and stand sheepishly beside the couch.

Great. Her father had caught her leaving first base and rounding the corner to second—something that should have happened when she was still a teen. Yet, at twenty-one it was still embarrassing.

Slowly, Jim walked towards them. "I realize I'm old and I've been out of the game a long time, but if this is 'not dating,' what does 'dating' look like?"

Kate felt her cheek sand ears flush as she was forced to clarify, "Um, no, we're dating now."

Jim's lips twitched as he clearly fought a laugh. "I see. In that case might I suggest you use your room?"

"Sorry, Dad." She mumbled out before glancing at Rick, who knelt on the couch cushions looking both surprised and confused. In fact, she had to grab his shirt sleeve and say his name before he picked up his laptop, tucked it under his arm, and hurried towards the hallway.

Once safely in her room, Kate shut the door behind them and leaned her forehead against it with a groan. "Well, that was awkward." Not as awkward as their sex talk, of course, but still awkward. Turning around, she saw Rick's brow covered in more wrinkles then she'd seen in a while. "What?"

"It's just…is he, like, okay with us having sex?"

"Apparently, yes—as long as we're using birth control. Long story." She added when his head tilted to the side.

"Um, no; I'm going to need that story."

She waved her hand flippantly, not wanting to relive it too much. "It's nothing. We just had a little sex talk on New Years'."

He laughed. "Sounds fun."

"It was awesome."

Rick hummed and sat down on her bed. After he placed his laptop on the floor, he still wore a curious expression so she asked him again what he was thinking. "Nothing, nothing. I guess I'm just surprised? Not sure if that's the right word I want to use but seeing as the last time I interacted with a girlfriend's father he threatened me that if I had sex with his daughter he'd call the police this is a refreshing change."

"What!?" Kate laughed. "When did this happen?"

"Oh it was back in high school—the girl I dated for a bit senior year. The irony was that we never actually had sex because she didn't want to. Though, to be fair, after the threat of being arrested I wasn't super into it either."

"I can only imagine."

He shrugged. "But, I am glad your dad is cool with it. Honesty is the best policy. I don't know how you grew up but my mother was _very_ open about it—too much so, actually." He commented, wrinkling his nose a bit. "But I like that he acknowledges we're adults. Not that we're going to be like 'hey, we're going to have sex now,' or anything."

Kate groaned at the thought. "No. We are never, ever going to say that. I would be perfectly happy if he never had official confirmation until I get pregnant."

Rick pursed his lips and considered this. "What if we get married before then?"

She shrugged. "Even then—let's keep him guessing."

Rick laughed. "If you say so." With that, he reached out for her arm, grabbed it, and pulled her swiftly towards him. "Now…where were we?"

Before he could kiss her again, Kate placed her hand in the center of his chest, figuring that as long as the subject was out in the open she should make herself clear. "Rick…you know I want to take things slow, right?"

"Wait—you didn't bring me in here to have your way with me!? Now I'm disappointed!" He insisted with heavy sarcasm. She tiled her head to the side and gave him a look. "Kidding, Kate; I know that."

He pulled her against him and kissed her, but instead of pushing her down on the bed and returning to their previous position, Rick lay back against the mattress and pulled her on top of him. The settled down with their legs intertwined and hands roaming each other's torsos.

When Kate pulled back to catch her breath, she smiled down at the blue-eyed man and stroked her finger across his jaw. "I really like this."

With a smile, he agreed. "Me too."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

"Hey so I was thinking—what are we going to use as our anniversary date?"

Kate lifted her head from where it rested on the chest of her companion and gazed at him curiously. "We've been together three days and you're already talking about our anniversary?"

Granted, it was as though they met each other three days earlier; the argument that their relationship had unofficially begun much earlier could certainly be made. Still, his broaching of the subject amused her. Of course he was bringing it up.

They had previously agreed to get together that evening for dinner and possibly some post-dinner kissing, but mostly to review the first day of classes. That was before Kate realized she was going to have the worst semester of her academic career due to her difficult course load. She tried to talk her boyfriend into an incredibly fast meal after which they would part ways so she could study, but he disagreed. They argued and in the end they compromised with a fast meal and twenty minutes of cuddling.

"You don't really think it's been three days do you?" he asked softly. "Because I've thought of us as being together for much longer than that."

Kate's heart fluttered in her chest. She had as well, but she was curious to see what his opinion was; at what point in the prior year had he committed to her fully. "How long?"

"I don't know..." He exhaled and looked up towards the ceiling. "In a way, a year I guess. Maybe not quite."

Stunned, Kate pushed herself off his chest and sat on her hip so she could gaze down at him. She expected him to say a few months—possibly since they bailed her father out of jail—but a year? That was stunning. "A year?"

He nodded his head in conformation. "Well, yeah. I wanted to ask you out at the beginning of last year, but then your assault happened and it wasn't the right time. Despite that, I didn't want to be with anyone else. I wasn't with anyone else," he added for firm clarification.

Kate felt a small amount of blush creep into her cheeks. So he had waited for her—a whole year. Though she was heavily in denial about it, there was a part of her that guessed he hadn't been with anyone since the summer. They had spent so much time together, it hardly made sense he was actually dating someone else. Still, she was amazed—as she had been amazed then. The way he looked at her with his eyes sparkling and smile growing almost impossibly wide; she had never seen anyone look at anyone else like that before, let alone someone looking at her. "I knew that. I think. I mean I kind of figured you wanted to date me but I was ignoring it because part of me was hoping you'd...you'd just go find someone else."

"Why?"

She shrugged and dipped her chin, now embarrassed that they'd sorted past everything and ended up together. "So I didn't have to deal with my emotional intimacy issues…"

He sighed. "Ah...and three days ago is when you broke through those?"

Her gaze shot up to his once more and she shook her head. "No." It had definitely been before that.

"New Years?" he guessed.

A wry smile crossed her face and she reached out to skim her fingers across his forearm. "Not exactly. I, ah, figured we were dating since my birthday when I kissed you. I thought that was some sort of unspoken agreement, especially because of how you hugged me and touched me after. But…well, I did admit to myself that I loved you when we took my father to rehab…"

Rick considered this before determining, "That wouldn't be a good anniversary."

"No."

He was silent for a few minutes before proposing an alternative date. "What about Coney Island? That's when I knew I loved you."

She felt tears pricking her eyes at his words. Suddenly, she felt very silly. He loved her at the end of summer. That's why he suggested going to Coney Island or another equivalent excursion weekly. He didn't just want to date her; he loved her. She had tried to push him away for fear he'd be angry with her for not allowing a physical relationship between them, but if he loved her that never would have happened. She had been foolish, but also glad that she waited until she was in a better emotional place; it was for the best.

With an exhale, she cuddled against his chest again and said, "Coney Island it is."

She felt him kiss her head before giving her body a tight squeeze. "That means it's been five months already—time flies!"

She hummed. "Speaking of: we're down to two minutes of cuddle time."

He clicked his tongue. "You didn't actually time us, did you?"

"I did; I have to study, Rick. Besides, Abby said she'd be back by eight."

"Ah yes—how did you swing this alone time for us?"

Kate chuckled to herself, thinking back to the prior day's conversation with her roommate. As she and Rick were in a relationship, she decided they needed to start off the semester by coming to an agreement about guests in the room. She would concede to Rick not spending the night as long as Abby conceded to allowing them to spend evenings together a few days a week. As it turned out, Abby had conditions of her own she wanted to argue for.

"We're trading off between you and I spending an evening together and Abby spending an evening with her girlfriend."

That time, it was Rick who sat up and nearly dumped Kate off the bed with his abruptness. His eyes wide he asked, "Do you mean girl who's a friend or-"

" _Girlfriend_."

"Oh my god!" he proclaimed. "Have you seen them make out?"

"Ew, Rick! Stop!" she scolded, prodding his chest. "Don't go all lesbian fantasy on me."

"Sorry! Sorry! But wait…seriously?!"

Kate shrugged with a sigh. "I really don't know much other than her name is Hailey and they started dating over the summer. She seemed kind of happy so I didn't want to question it too much."

"Well, I guess I'm happy for her…? I mean, I'm happy that we can spend time in this room without her casting evil spells on me that's for sure."

Kate laughed at his description. "She's into women, not voodoo."

Rick merely shrugged before kissing her forehead and sliding off the bed. "Well, I guess I'll go. Oh and don't worry—if you have to escape to my place while Abby and her lady friend are in here I'll make sure the bathroom stays clean."

She bobbed her head at him. "That's all I ask."

* * *

Richard Castle was having an excellent week. He got an 'A' on his first assignment of the year, the initial editing suggestions from Black Pawn for _Flowers for Your Grave_ were not nearly as negative as he expected them to be, and he was capping off that Friday by making out with his girlfriend in his delightfully vacant dorm room.

Despite the downright bone-chilling wind and snow out on the streets of Manhattan, Rick felt plenty warm with Kate snuggled beside him in his bed, their lips intertwined. Across the room, a two-star movie played on cable, but neither of them had paid much attention to it for the better part of twenty minutes. As had become customary, their alone time had quickly turned to kissing time, which he didn't mind one bit.

While they kissed, Rick's hand had been traveling a steady southward path moving from her jaw to her neck, across her breast to her waist and finally taking up residence at her hip. One by one, his fingers began creeping beneath her sweater until they were splayed across her bare stomach. She said nothing as he caressed her skin until his thumb hooked into her belly button and she pulled back suddenly.

"Sorry."

"No it's okay," she said. "Just my belly button is very ticklish."

A devilish grin crossed his face. "Really?"

"Rick!" She groaned and caught his wrist as his thumb brushed her navel. "That was not an invitation."

"Sorry, sorry—no belly button I promise."

His lips were back on hers as his hand traveled up to the bottom edge of her bra. Carefully, going inch by inch, he skimmed it up and over the smooth cup, giving a gentle squeeze. Breaking their lips and bumping his nose against hers he asked quietly, "Is this okay?"

"Uh huh." She spoke without hesitation and began to kiss her way down his jawline.

Seeing that as an open invitation, Rick continued to caress her breast with his left hand for several moments before he slid his entire hand beneath the cup. He groaned when he felt her nipple against the palm of his hand. He only circled it twice with the pad of his thumb before she pulled back and said, "Wait." On instinct, he apologized.

"No, no—I was okay with that. I just…" She sighed and combed some hair out of her face. Her cheeks turning the slightest bit pink she said, "I should tell you that I've never actually had sex with anyone."

He bobbed his head and pulled his hand away from her breast. "I know."

Her eyes widened a little bit. "You do?"

"I figured, I mean." Really, it wasn't that hard to discern. She said she never had a boyfriend and given her "I don't like being touched" mantra he guessed that meant she had very limited intimate experience. True, it was possible she could have slept with someone at one point along the line, but he guessed she hadn't and he had been right.

Giving her a reassuring smile, Rick rubbed her hip and gave it a soft squeeze. "It's okay; I don't care."

She turned her eyes towards his shirt where she began fiddling with the buttons. "It's not that I never had the chance. I could have I just...didn't. I—never mind."

Her embarrassed expression made him sad. "Kate," he said, moving his hand so he could brush her cheek with his index finger. "You can tell me anything, you know that right?"

She confirmed with a smile. "I do."

"So tell me."

She snagged her bottom lip between her teeth, clearly taking a moment to consider her words, before she began. "When I was sixteen, very shortly after my mother died, I did the whole rebel thing for about five minutes. I stayed out late, I got a fake ID. I went to sketchy places I shouldn't have been…all to try and forget about the crushing pain in my chest. I thought I was doing fine until the ultra-cool but kind of grungy guitar playing guy I was kinda dating put his hand up my skirt."

She flashed him a wry smile. "All these alarm bells went off in my head and I realized I wasn't emotionally in a place to do that and it would be something I deeply regretted. Then, as my father spiraled, I could barely handle the day to day things—laundry, cleaning, groceries—on top of my schoolwork. I never even thought about dating for the rest of high school.

"After my dad sobered up, I thought, 'Okay, I can do this now.' Maddy would set me up on these dates—mostly they were the tragic roommates or lonely friends of the guys she was trying to hook up with. We would go out and I could tell they were saying things they thought I wanted to hear." She shook her head. Though it had been several years, the memory still burned unpleasant in her gut.

"It was so disingenuous it made me sick. I had been betrayed by so many people, the thought of being intimate with a guy who used lame pickup lines or made promises of being a sexual rock star was just completely unappealing…despite the fact that Maddy continually insisted that if I just did it, I'd have fun and wouldn't care about the shitty things the guy said."

"How romantic." He commented. Rick could not help but feel a small amount of guilt for he too had used the lines she had described. He certainly had not used them all the time and those times had fallen more towards the "lame pickup lines" side of things rather than "hey baby, I'll be the best you ever had." Still, thinking back on them made him realize those weren't moments he was particularly proud of.

She let out a laugh. "Right. Anyway, the longer it went it became not just about having sex but the intimacy of a relationship. I'd never had that, but basically everyone else had and I figured I'd be terrible at it. Being intimate with someone meant letting them see the real me and I wasn't ready for that...until I met you."

She smiled at him in the way that made his heart soar, and he loved her for it. He picked up her hand and kissed the back of it. She laced their fingers together as she sat up to speak directly to him.

"Rick, I love you and I trust you and I want this with you...I just need a little more time."

"And you can take all the time you need." God, he loved her. He loved her for being strong enough and brave enough to be honest about her choices and where they stood in their relationship. Of course he wanted to make love to her. He knew it would be amazing, but only if she was ready and as happy and enthusiastic about it as he was. Until then, he would wait.

She gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "Thank you. Meanwhile, if it's any consolation, you can touch my boobs as much as you want."

He laughed. "That does help." With that, he pulled her back into another kiss.


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N - Please note the change in story rating!_

* * *

 **Chapter Seventeen**

"Oh my god—I cannot believe I let you talk me into this." Kate struggled to speak through chattering teeth and frozen lips as she and her boyfriend trudged out of the now shin-deep snow in Tompkins Square Park.

"Hey! You were having fun up until about ten minutes ago."

"And whose fault was that again?" She countered. Her guilty boyfriend wisely said nothing.

That first Thursday in March the city—along with the majority of New England—was experiencing a rare late-season blizzard. With up to three feet of snow expected to fall beginning at dawn, classes had been canceled for students of all ages—including those in university. Kate had been prepared to spend her free day studying and making her way through case law, but her boyfriend would hear none of it. It was snowing and they were going to go out and experience it.

As she was over the age of twelve, Kate immediately protested, but he insisted saying she could study for as long as it took him to get to her dorm, but then they were going to go out and walk in the snow; he had something to show her. Kate protested again when he arrived and practically forced her into her coat and boots, but in the end he won and they trekked outside, their gloved hands linked together.

Despite the snow, the day actually was not that cold nor was it particularly windy, so their several block trek to Tompkins Square Park was not unpleasant. This was the park he used to play in as a kid, he informed her. Every time it snowed, he bundled himself up and walk the few blocks to the park. There weren't any hills to sled on, but he could build snow forts and igloos with the other kids and he did—all day, until it was too dark to see.

Kate was glad to have that story from him and enjoyed walking around the park and seeing the trees frosted in a layer of white. In fact, she was enjoying herself so much that she didn't even mind when he tossed a handful of snow at her jacket. She retaliated and they had a half-hearted snowball fight for a few minutes, which had them both laughing. Little did they know, a handful of school-age children were watching them and had decided to turn their friendly scuffle into a full out war.

Before Kate and Rick even realized what was happening they were being pummeled with snow balls from every direction. They ran and attempted to seek cover behind a park bench, but by that point the damage had mostly been done. They were in the fray of flying ice balls for ten minutes before Kate stumbled and fell backwards into a half-constructed snow man. This act inadvertently buried her bottom half almost completely in the snow. It was then she decided to wave the white flag; every inch of her was freezing and she'd had enough snow fun for one day.

"Just another block to Mother's; we're going to make it." He tried to encourage her, though she could hear the clicking of his chattering teeth, so it had little effect. At one point, she doubled her walking pace only to nearly slip and fall on the sidewalk, so she was stuck with the slower but safer trudge until they reached the correct building.

"Shit." She moaned as they stepped out of the elevator on the proper floor. "Can you get frostbite on your ass?"

"If given enough time, probably. Luckily, you only have to suffer for about another minute or two."

Feeling as though her lower extremities were slowly turning to marble statues with cold, she shuffled her way behind Rick and began shrugging off her snow-saturated coat almost the moment they stepped inside the door.

"Mother? Are you here?"

"I'm here." The red-head said as she sashayed in from the kitchen, glass of red wine in her hand. "Why are you here?"

"S-sorry we're f-freezing." Kate answered.

Martha looked at her wide-eyed. "Good grief, Darling. What happened?"

"Long story." Rick muttered as he kicked off his snow-caked boots. "Snowball fight; we got dominated."

Martha gestured with her wine glass towards the back of the apartment. "Go. Get yourselves changed. I'll open another bottle of wine."

Kate could think of nothing but getting warm, which proved problematic when her frozen fingers struggled to untie her boot laces. They were, unfortunately, too tight to pull off without untying, so she was stuck struggling for almost a full—and very painful—minute before she was relieved of her boots. By the time she waddled her way back towards the bedrooms, Rick was exiting his room with a stack of gray fabric in his hands.

"Here," he said. "Sweats to change into after you shower. Just be as quick as you can; I'm turning into an icicle already."

Kate reached out for the clothes but paused, took three seconds to consider, and then decided she was too cold to use her brain. "Why don't you just shower with me?"

His brow rose in surprise. "Wha—really?"

She shrugged, grabbed the sweats and scurried into the bathroom. "Too cold to discuss; you in or out?"

His response was immediately. "In!"

After tossing the sweats on the edge of the vanity, Kate pulled her sweater over her head, tossed it on the ground, and moved her fingers to the button and zipper on her jeans—not an easy task as her fingers burned while returning to a regular temperature. As she began to peel the denim from her body, she realized the reason for her near butt hypothermia: the rear of her panties was so soaked with frozen water it was almost stuck to the jeans themselves!

"I, ah, feel like I should be undressing you."

Kate turned towards the man behind her and saw he was in a similar state of undress but wore a rather dopey smile. Had she not been shivering so relentlessly she would have found him completely adorable. "That's sweet, Rick, but honestly I'm too cold." With that, she shed her remaining undergarments and stepped into the shower, cranking the water on as hot as it would go.

Kate buried her face beneath the spray, but quickly found it too hot for the sensitive skin on her eyelids to take. She turned so that her shoulder and arm took the brunt of the heat and, while it did not feel pleasant, her skin craved the warmth, so she gritted her teeth and gutted her way through it.

"Shit that burns." Her boyfriend commented a moment later when his arms closed around her body.

"Want me to turn it down?"

"No."

"Okay." She huddled against him, feeling his cooler skin against hers as she began to warm up, and let her eyes drift shut. As the blood flow began to return to all parts of her body, Kate slowly came to the realization that she had invited Rick into to the shower with her—and they had yet to see each other fully nude.

Tentatively, she craned her neck back and glanced up at her companion. "Are you okay with this?"

"Sure; I love not getting frostbite."

"No," she laughed, "this—a platonic shower."

"Honestly? My junk is too frozen to care."

A chortle escaped her lips and she turned so that her icy rear could reap the benefits of the scalding water. Using that opportunity, she glanced down at his bare body and then back up towards his face to see he was grinning at her. The blush that instantly formed on her cheeks was beyond her control.

Kate never considered herself to be a prudish person, but she also wasn't one to flaunt her nudity. She would change her clothes in front of her roommate or in a locker room, but she didn't stroll around naked for the sake of doing so. Yet, somehow, her boyfriend seeing her fully nude for the first time stirred the sleeping butterflies in her belly. Then again, perhaps it wasn't so much that he was seeing her as it was the way he looked at her as though she were the world's most precious gem.

Rick brought his hand up to rub his thumb against her chin. His hand then drifted down her body, his knuckles skimming the valley between her breasts, and landed on her right hip, the pad of his thumb landing on the petite tattoo that rested there.

"You're beautiful." He told her. That moment was far from the first time Kate heard those two words during her twenty-one years on the planet, but it was certainly the time that meant the most and caused tingles to form at the base of her neck, tickling the skin there and making her smile just a little broader.

"What does the tattoo mean?"

"Truth in Japanese. For my mom." She had gotten it when she was sixteen using her fake ID. Despite such a rash decision, she didn't regret it. She was glad to have the reminder—but also glad it wasn't visible unless she was naked.

He brushed a chase kiss against her hair line and pulled her body into his. Kate tucked herself against him, locking her arms around his back, finding it much easier to be in the cramped shower space with him with their bodies actually touching.

"God, I'm getting old."

Kate laughed. "What are you talking about?"

"I used to play for hours in the snow—just like those kids—but that ten minute snow battle killed me. I may never regain feeling in my fingers."

Kate rolled her eyes and hugged him just a little tighter. In doing so, she felt something pressing against her lower belly. Clearing her throat she asked, "I thought you said your junk was too frozen to enjoy this."

"It's thawing out," he replied casually.

She loosened her grip and looked up at him. "Want me to…" Her eyes drifted down to his waist and then back up to his face after her implied question.

The first time she gave him oral sex had only been ten days earlier; it was the first time she had truly wanted to make him happy in that way, and not just wanted to because she thought she should (or because Maddy told her to). Though that event was not without its minor pitfalls, she was surprised at how much she enjoyed herself their second time around a few days later. Granted, the fact that for the duration he looked at her like she was a goddess sent from the heavens didn't hurt.

He smiled and took a half step forward, nudging her against the tile shower wall. "No. Maybe it should be your turn." Without waiting for a response, he moved his hand from her hip to the juncture of her legs where he cupped her gently.

Kate gasped and grabbed onto his bicep. Okay that was certainly an interesting development in their "platonic" shower. Rick had tried to initiate such an act before, but each time she'd overthought it and made herself too nervous to continue. As he surprised her she wasn't as nervous as she had previously been, but she could feel her heart rate increasing. Trying to relax, she shut her eyes and breathed out a slow breath through her nose focusing on the way his hand moved against her, the outside edge of his thumb brushing against her sensitive areas and—Oh. Shit. That did feel much better than when he was touching her overtop her jeans. Much better.

A moment later, his mouth was on hers and it was all she could do to kiss him back; her brain was too preoccupied with the way his fingers moved against her, tracing the outside of her lips, dipping one finger inside and skimming it across her flesh until it landed on her sensitive bud. "Rick!" She gasped as her body jolted against the tile. Her knees were already trembling and he'd barely touched her!

"I'm sorry but I—oh, I don't think I can do this standing up."

He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. "That's okay; we'll move to my room."

She eyed him, hesitant. "But…your mother is here…"

"She was drinking; she won't notice."

"Rick!" She half-laughed, half-scolded.

He winked at her. "C'mon. What else are we going to do on this snowy day?"

With that, he quickly turned off the shower water and grabbed two towels from the linen cabinet. While she wrapped the towel around her body and picked up the sweats from the vanity, he poked his head out the doorway. When he looked back to her, he beckoned and the duo scampered down the hall to his room, thankfully without being seen.

Once behind the locked door, Rick secured his towel around his waist before pulling Kate's away and nudging her towards his bed. She gave him a small smile as she took up residence beneath the covers and he joined her, pulling the sheet atop them both.

The moment Rick's hands landed back on her body, Kate felt as though she could never get enough. Every cell in her body hummed with anticipation of his touch, his lips. And, she thought to herself with amazement, they'd barely even started.

He kissed his way across her neck until his mouth landed at her breast, his tongue darting out to taste the droplets of water left behind from their shower. Meanwhile, his right hand returned to its position between her legs: rubbing, stroking, caressing. She trembled on occasion, but didn't speak, only carded her hands through his hair and skimmed them across his shoulders, soaking in as much as him as he could.

When his index finger reached the edge of her centre, he lifted his head and locked eyes with her to ask, "Do you want me to stop?"

She shook her head and found herself panting out, "No, don't stop; never stop."

* * *

In that moment, Rick could not have loved her more. He leaned up and pressed his lips against hers as he slowly pushed his index finger inside her. Her fingertips tightened against his shoulder, but she continued to kiss him. God, she was incredible: tight, but so velvety soft; better than he imagined she would be.

Rick continued to work his index finger inside her before adding his middle and, just as she had done for him, followed her softly spoken cues to speed up, slow down, or pause for a moment. Unable to hold himself back any longer, Rick kissed his way down her body until his mouth joined his fingers; the gasp she let out was the only encouragement he needed to use both his tongue and fingers to bring her to climax.

His fingers curled inside her, her body contracted around them and his name spilled from her lips. The look on her face as she came down from her high solidified his decision even more. This was the woman he was meant to love for the rest of his life.

Cautiously, he crawled up her body and cradled her in his arms. With his lips against her neck he could feel her pulse racing and he dusted kisses over his jaw. "You okay?" Clearly too sated to respond, she merely hummed; he laughed deeply. "Take all the time you need."

"I'm fine," she said languidly with her cheek pressed against his head. "And glad we didn't do that in the dorms."

"You mean because we don't have to worry about fleeing from Abby?"

"Hmm yes and we can stay like this for more than two minutes."

"We can stay like this for as long as you want." He clarified. By his estimation, forever seemed appropriate. Though he was sure Kate would soon recall her need to study, the blizzard worked in his favor. By the time they wrenched themselves from bed and dressed, there would be too much snow; they would have to spend the night.

"Mmm Rick?" she sighed, her voice becoming lazy with sleep. "I love you."

He kissed her forehead and held her tighter. "I love you, too."

* * *

Kate had just drifted off to sleep when a knock on Rick's bedroom door startled her awake. Much to her horror, the next thing she heard was Rick's mother's voice. "Kids? I don't want to interrupt whatever is going on in there, but there's wine out here if you think it'll help you _set the mood_."

She gasped and struggled to cover herself with the bed sheets, fearful his mother would barge right into the bedroom. Or, worse, had that uncanny mom-sense that enabled her to see through walls and doors. She was certain her mother would have had it. Meanwhile, Rick merely appeared annoyed.

"We're fine Mother; please go away."

Kate didn't let out her breath until she could hear the footsteps moving away from the door. Then, she flipped over onto her stomach, buried her face into Rick's pillow, and moaned.

"What's wrong?" he asked, amusement evident in his voice.

"Your mother." She mumbled out, her voice muffled by the pillow. "She knows what we're doing in here."

"She has no boundaries; you'll get used to it."

Kate groaned again, very much doubting that was true.

"Actually, I am kind of hungry, even though I just ate…"

She lifted her head and looked at his unbearably cheeky grin; he was obviously very proud of his joke. It made her want to smack him. "You did not just say that."

"I did."

"Yes well." She reached for the sweats he had left for her and pulled the NYU sweatshirt over her head. "Please don't; it's a bit too soon for me to joke about it."

He whined and snagged the sweatpants from her grasp before she could put them on. "Whyyy? It was amazing."

A shy smile crossed her face as she tugged the pants back. She had no doubt there was a time in the not too distant future where she and Rick would be able to laugh and joke about their sex life, but after her first time was not that moment. "Still—a little soon." Once dressed she took a step towards the bedroom door but he stopped her and asked what she was doing. "Going to clean up the bathroom," she said in an isn't-it-obvious way.

"What? Nah—it's fine."

"It's not fine!" she responded. How could it be fine? Their soaked clothing—not to mention her bra and panties—had been strewn about the floor in their haste to get warm and, as they had been focused on other things, had not been cleaned up after their shower.

He let out a lamenting sigh and slid from bed, pulling some track pants out of a drawer for himself. "Fine. You hang up the clothes, I'll get snacks and then…" He paused to skim his hand down her back and give her ass a squeeze; her jaw dropped and he grinned. "…maybe we'll go for round two."

* * *

 _Schedule update: There is 1 more chapter of this story and an epilogue. They will be posted on **Tuesday** and **Thursday** respectively. Then, next Saturday I will post my ficathon story "Seasons Change" an AU story where Johanna is alive, is a huge Richard Castle fan, and Kate works with her in her legal non profit business. _

_Also, there should be another "Henry 'verse" installment soon. AND possibly a 2nd ficathon story, but we'll see..._

 _As always, thank you for your reviews - you guys are fantastic!_


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

Returning to regular school life after the two day blizzard-mandated vacation, Rick found himself disappointed. With the onset of their physical relationship, he wanted to be around Kate all the time, but that simply wasn't feasible. It was hard enough for them to find alone time with their roommates schedules and their schedules needing to align for that to happen, but schoolwork was also getting in their way. Specifically, Kate's law classes which required more research than ever.

Though they had free evenings now and then—particularly their Saturday nights, which were reserved as "date nights"—Kate was hesitant to be very physical with him in their dorm rooms. While Rick had no problem with it, he couldn't exactly blame her for not wanting to rush through to ensure they would not be in the middle of anything when Abbey returned from a Campus Feminists meeting. Thus, he formulated his next—and quite possibly best—plan: they would go away for spring break at the end of March.

When he proposed to Kate that they fly to a tropical destination like the Bahamas or perhaps Jamaica, her initial reaction was to laugh, thinking he was kidding. When he explained he was most certainly _not_ kidding, she listed half a dozen reasons why she could not accompany him the foremost of which being that she had no passport to use in international travel and break was coming up too quickly for her to obtain one. When he suggested domestic destinations, she used her schoolwork as an excuse for not being able to spend seven days away.

A small argument ensued, but Rick finally won her over by saying, "I just want to spend a few days with you when we won't be interrupted—especially not by either one of our parents."

She was silent for a minute before saying, "How about a bed and breakfast?"

Though it certainly was not a typical senior year spring break activity for a college student, Rick soon warmed to the idea of spending three nights at the bed and breakfast in New Haven, Connecticut that she suggested. Evidently, her parents had gone there several times for anniversaries during her youth. When he balked at the fact that Connecticut would be much colder than the destinations he'd previously suggested, she said, "Yeah, but will we really be leaving the bedroom that much anyway?"

Rick called the B&B and booked a room immediately.

Once their break began, Kate retreated to the library to work on her law classes. Rick reluctantly kept his distance between the hours of eight and six p.m. per her request, but always showed up promptly at 6:01 to take her to dinner. Though she always laughed and insisted he didn't have to, the smile she wore when he took her hand was all the reward he needed.

The afternoon before their trip Kate reluctantly left her second home at the library so they could visit a variety of apartments with a realtor. Throughout March Rick had been researching places to rent that would be available in May and were located in the neighborhoods surrounding NUY so it would be more convenient for Kate to visit him frequently. After much frustration he had narrowed his list down to three he wanted to see in person.

Rick really liked the area around NYU; it had become his home during his four years in college, but he quickly found the apartments in that area that met his budget requirements were not up to the standards he hoped for. True, he could have elevated his budget slightly, but he didn't want to squander his newfound financial security lest his second book not be as successful as his first.

High on Rick's list of "must haves" for his new space was a request that the apartment have two bedrooms. As a novelist, he did the majority of his work from home and thus he wanted a second bedroom to use as an office. With his budget, this yielded a limited number of options, so the realtor had surprised him and included some spacious one-bedrooms on their tour, including one on the second floor of a building on Broome Street.

"This one has the best kitchen of all we've seen, don't you think?" Kate commented as she strolled through the living area. As it was currently rented, the apartment was furnished, though sparsely. The realtor insisted this would help Rick picture himself in the space, but all he could think about was how hideous the couch was. "And the big windows are nice…"

He sighed. "But no office."

"Yeah, but look how big that space is." Kate gestured to a corner of the room where the current tenant had a foosball table. "You could put a desk in that corner and still have plenty of room for a couch and chairs here."

"And it is within your budget." The realtor chimed in.

Rick walked over to the window and looked down at the city street below. It felt…very close to the ground. Gazing up towards the sky, he asked "There are penthouses in this building too, right?"

"Yes, two identical ones."

Kate chuckled as she walked over to him, "Babe, if this apartment is in your budget I hate to tell you but—the penthouse definitely isn't."

Rick couldn't help but smile at her new nickname for him. She'd been using it for a few weeks, but as it was new—and adorable—he had no yet stopped getting chills when she used it. "No, not right now—for the future." He reached out and grabbed on to her hand. "One day, you and I will live in that penthouse, Kate. I'm serious." He insisted when she arched an eyebrow at him. Turning to the realtor he asked, "How much to rent the penthouse—just so we know."

The realtor cleared her throat, clearly a bit annoyed. "The penthouses don't rent; they're only for purchase. The last one sold for 1.4 million dollars."

"1.4 million!" Kate squeaked. "Maybe we can retire there—it'll take that much time to earn that money."

Rick crinkled his brow at her pessimistic statement. Retirement? He'd make that much money _way_ before retirement! "Are you kidding me? I'll have my first million by twenty-five."

"Don't let anyone ever tell you that you don't have goals."

As her smile seemed slightly patronizing, he returned with, "You don't believe me."

"I believe you believe that." Then she squeezed his hand. "Rick please don't see this as a lack of faith in you. I love you and your books; they're wonderful. I have no doubt your success will grow with each book you write. I guess…I'm just more of a realist." She finished with a shrug.

He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Which is why you have me—the eternal optimist."

"You mean delusional optimist—kidding," she added with a smirk.

"So Mr. Castle are you interested in this place?" The realtor asked, clearly trying to move the appointment along.

Rick gazed out the window again before asking his girlfriend if she liked it. When she confirmed, he said, "I like it, too. I really like this area but…I still want to think about it—at least over the weekend."

He liked the apartment and his gut told him it would be the one he rented as it had many features he was looking for. Really, the only major downside was the lack of second bedroom and he supposed he could make do with that. Still, it was a big step to get a place of his own and he felt it required at least a few days of thought—and he would have plenty of time to do that while lying in bed with Kate.

* * *

"So do you want to look around the area a bit before we break in the bed or…"

Kate rolled her eyes at her boyfriend's cheeky expression. They had been in their room approximately one minute and twenty seconds and he was already suggesting sex; why was she not surprised? She had been very clear with him in the days leading up to the trip that she absolutely wanted them to make love that weekend, but there was no need to strip immediately upon walking into their room!

"Well I can already tell where your mind is at this weekend…"

"Kate." he said, sliding his arms around her waist and giving her cheek a smacking kiss. "You know I'm kidding."

"No, I know you're not kidding but saying that you are so I don't get mad at you."

He grinned down at her. "You do know me well, don't you?"

"Of course," she replied. Then she walked over to her duffle bag, which he had set on a chair on the far side of the bed, and unzipped the front pocket. Pulling out a folded sheet of paper, she turned back and said, "Actually, I wanted to give you something."

His brow rose. "A present!?"

"Not exactly…" Instead of explaining further, she walked over and held out the folded page. He took it curiously.

"What's this?"

Folding her hands together she rocked back on her heels. "It's, uh, my housing application for fall."

Unfolding the sheet, Rick gazed down at the form. He was familiar with it as he had filled out three of his own, but that didn't stop him from gazing at her with a half-surprised, half-perplexed expression. "You checked "Housing Not Needed.""

She snagged her bottom lip as he spoke. She had expected him to be excited—thrilled, but his uncertainty was unnerving her. "If that's okay? I mean, if your offer still stands."

"You want to live with me?"

Her heart fluttered at the amazed tone in his voice. Of course she did—how could he ever think otherwise? She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him before confirming, "I want to live with you."

He laughed and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her against him and spinning around in a quick circle. "I'm so, so, so, so happy about this," he said, kissing her with each "so."

She laughed. "I'm glad…now do you want to celebrate?"

Kate could hardly believe Rick's face contained the joy that exploded across it. With a surprise burst of enthusiasm he tossed her onto the canopy bed and made to pounce, but she stopped him with her foot on his chest. "I need one minute."

He moaned and collapsed face forward onto the mattress beside her. She rolled her eyes and poked the back of his head as she scooted off the bed. "If you made it over a year, you'll make it another minute."

"Make it forty-five seconds."

Ignoring him, Kate grabbed her bag and slipped into the en suite bathroom. She set the bag down on the edge of the bathtub, gazed at her reflection in the mirror and took a deep breath. She wasn't nervous per se, but that didn't mean she was calm, either. Absolutely no question existed in her mind about her choice: Rick was the right man to have waited for and she was glad for that. And it wasn't as though they hadn't been intimate at all. Still, she didn't want to disappoint him—or herself.

Kate plunged her hand into her duffle and felt around for the cloth bag within. She grasped it between her index finger and thumb and pulled it out. Unzipping it, two black scraps of lace fell into her hands. Just a few days earlier she had made good on her promise to Maddy to "upgrade" her undergarments for her weekend away with Rick. She didn't think he would have a problem with her cotton underthings (particularly considering he would be seeing what was underneath them regardless), but the sheer lace did make her feel just a little sexier.

Once changed, she stepped out of the bathroom and cleared her throat. When Rick looked at her, Kate almost laughed at his expression. Had he been a cartoon, the sound of a cash register drawer opening would have accompanied the way his jaw crashed open. "Worth the extra minute?" she asked teasingly.

"Holy shit yes." He breathed. Reaching out his arm, he snagged her around the waist and twisted her onto the bed. He clambered up and pulled her against him so that her knees fell astride his hips. Using only his index finger, he traced a path down the center of her breastbone and then up across her throat until he could tilt her head up with his finger under her chin. "Nervous?" he asked gently.

"A little. You?"

"Terrified." With that, he crashed his lips into hers.

Along with his lips against hers, Kate felt an overwhelming sense of calm. She wanted him to kiss her, touch her. In fact, she couldn't wait. She began tugging at his clothing almost immediately, wanting to feel his bare skin against hers as much as she could.

They kissed, their hands caressing and roaming, taking breaks only to pull off an item of clothing. Despite his hand paying more than its fair share of attention to the area, Kate's panties remained on. He rubbed her over the lace and occasionally dipped a finger beneath, which only succeeded in driving her closer to the brink. Her skin felt like fire and his touch was the only antidote.

Due to her growing anticipation, Kate felt it had been hours—days—before he was finally on top of her and positioning himself as her entrance. She gazed up at him and skimmed her hand through his hair, across his ear and down to cup his cheek. His eyes were questioning, but she merely smiled and nodded in return; she had never wanted anything more.

He slid inside her, filling her more than she had anticipated, and her jaw fell open in silent shock. Rick's expression fell into one of concern and he asked softly, "Did I hurt you?"

"No." She promised with the shake of her head. It hadn't hurt, but surprised her more than anything. "It's okay; go ahead," she encouraged before pulling his face down closer to hers so that their noses rested side by side.

As Rick moved his hips against hers, he kissed her cheeks and lips, whispering words of love and adoration. She hugged him close and returned the sentiments until his final abrupt thrust inside her. Only then did she feel the slightest bit of discomfort, but when he smiled at her in a lazy, sated way, it all disappeared and she fell in love with him again.

They cuddled together with their legs tangled together for the better part of ten minutes before Rick broke the silence with, "Yep—we are definitely getting a king sized bed for our apartment."

She gazed up at him. "Really? Even though we've spent the majority of our nights together in a double bed or smaller?"

"Yep. I'm sick of cramming myself into those tiny beds—I want to stretch out." To demonstrate this, he straightened his legs and opened his arms wide.

She chuckled. "If that's what you want." King, queen, or air mattress on the floor she didn't care—she would simply be glad to have something they could call _their_ bed.

Looping his arms back around her, he kissed her head and asked, "You okay?"

She snuggled against him and sighed. "Yes. Why wouldn't I be?"

"No reason…just remembering back to when I lost my virginity and ended up falling half a story down a fire escape so-"

She sat upright and gaped at him. "WHAT? How?"

"It was my own fault, really. We heard her brother coming home so I quickly jumped out the window onto the fire escape. Then, in my haste to pull up my pants I didn't realize how close I was to the stairs and…yeah, but I was fine—only a few scrapes and bruises and hey, I'd just had sex so I was cool with it."

She shook her head slowly at him. "How are you even a real person?"

He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Just wait until we have some sex-capades of our own."

"Why do I fear they will involve your mother or my father catching us…"

"Ah!" he said, rising in index finger. "That won't be a problem after May. Four weeks and we are home free, baby!"

She nodded her head, conceding to this valid point. Then, she lowered her voice and asked, "Can you be serious for a moment?"

"Always."

"I just…I wanted to thank you—for being patient with me, for being there for me, for loving me…" Her voice drifted off with a light laugh. "The past year…I don't know how I would have made it through without you. What we have together…it's everything and I thank you for that."

He pulled her down into a kiss. Striking her cheek with his thumb he said, "Of course, Kate. It's not even a question. I love you, forever, and I can't wait to share a home with you—a life."

Kate smiled to herself as she cuddled up to his chest once more. For the first time in her life there was absolutely no doubt or uncertainties in her future. All she could see was him. "Me too."

* * *

 _A/N: thank you all so much for reading and for your lovely reviews. Thank you also to my beta writingonthecastlewalls_

 _Epilogue will be up thursday! new fic starts saturday! :)_


	19. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Richard Castle paced the kitchen of his loft apartment stopping every other minute to look at the clock on the stove, grumble at himself, and keep pacing. Dinner was in the oven, the last of the boxes of his books finally unpacked, and his latest in the _Nikki Heat_ series had not yet returned from the publisher with its edits; there was nothing for him to do and he hated that. He hated _waiting_ especially with something this important on the horizon.

With a sigh, he stopped and looked at his watch. 6:02. Only one minute had passed since his check of the stove clock. She would be there soon, though; very soon. On the rare days she had the regular daytime shift she almost never made it home after six. Except, shit! Had she caught a homicide at the end of her day and not texted him that she'd be late? He hoped that wasn't the case because he really, _really_ did not want to wait any longer—not after psyching himself up for the hour it took him to prepare their dinner casserole.

Fortunately for his nerves, he heard her key grinding in the lock not two minutes later. Pulling the dishtowel off his shoulder, he hurried to the doorway to meet her. She pushed her way inside, duffle bag with her gym clothes slung over one shoulder, purse and green shopping tote bag clutched in the opposite hand.

"Hey." She smiled at him, bright and easy. It was the same "welcome home" smile she'd been giving him for over seven years—since the day she moved in with him. Of course back then she was returning to their first home—the second floor apartment they shared for many years. They had only moved up to the penthouse loft three months earlier. Despite having the money for over a year they needed to wait until one of the lofts came onto the marked—much to Rick's irritation. They could have, as Kate suggested, moved to a different building, but he refused out of stubbornness. He'd promised her one day they'd live in the Broome Street loft and he would make that promise a reality, no matter how long it took.

Rick leaned forward and kissed his wife. "How was your day?"

She shrugged as she toed-off her heels and walked her gym bag into their bedroom. "Not bad. Just a bunch of paperwork, I'm afraid."

Rick cringed. "Glad I missed it then."

As he was between novels, Rick did not shadow his wife as often as he did while in the midst of writing. Though he tried not to overstay his welcome and keep in the good graces of her boss, Captain Montgomery, he missed the days when he didn't get to observe crime scenes and speak with victim's families alongside her. The paperwork, however, he could do without.

"So listen." Rick cleared his throat as his wife returned to the hall and walked with her purse and grocery bag towards the kitchen. "I actually have something really important I'd like to talk about."

"Me too."

He faltered slightly, surprised at her response. While normally he would allow her to speak first, he had been psyching himself up so much that he did not want to lose momentum. "Oh, okay well would you mind if I go first? I just…I really need to get this out."

Her brow wrinkled when she turned back to him. "Is everything okay?"

He reached out and took her hands in his, squeezing them softly. "It's great, honey. That's the thing—our lives, our home—everything is great, but I think it could be better—much better. I know we've had the 'starting a family' conversation a few times in the past but I really think we need to bring it up again."

He'd lost count of just how many times they'd spoke about their future and when having a child of their own would come into the equation. In his wife's eyes, the timing was never right. She went straight from college to the police academy. Then they got married and had a week long honeymoon before she was on the beat, taking shifts at all hours of the day and night, moving her way from traffic up to vice and so on, up the rankings as steadily as she could. He loved her for her dedication—it amazed him every day. He was so proud of her and completely understood her decision to wait until she made detective for them to start their family, but that had been nearly a year earlier.

"The thing of it is—there's never going to be a 'right time.' If you think about it too much, you'll always come up with reasons not to, but that's why I think we should start listing all the reasons we should. All the reasons why having a baby would be a great idea. Starting with: we've been married for six years and, as my mother frequently points out, we're not getting any younger."

Kate let out a laugh and pulled her hands away from his. With a soft smile on her face she asked, "Mind if it's my turn now?"

"Um…okay…" he said slowly. Was she really going to ignore his request to discuss children? Or was she simply postponing in lieu of her own reveal? If that was the case, he decided, she'd better have a damn good story!

The corners of her lips pulling upwards, Kate set her purse and grocery bag on the kitchen island. She plunged her hand down into the green cloth sack and pulled out a pink rectangular box to display to him.

Rick's eyes skimmed over the _First Response_ logo with no small amount of amazement. "Either I'm psychic or that grocery bag is magic."

Kate laughed again. "Neither. Maybe it's…future parent's intuition."

Future parents—future parents! Holy shit! He'd actually expected to have to cajole her into the idea a little bit more—that was why he'd mad her favorite dinner—but this! This! "Oh my god, Kate!" He proclaimed before pulling her into a kiss. "Are you really pregnant?"

She shook her head with a shrug. "I dunno; that's why I got the test. But…I am a few days late and I just kind of…" She let her voice drift off as her hands landed on her lower belly. "I had this feeling today. I'm probably not pregnant but-"

"Well let's find out!" He pulled the box from her hands and ripped it open. He pulled one of the sticks from inside and thrust it at her. "Go pee."

"Rick!" She half-laughed, half-groaned.

He smiled innocently. "What?"

"Nothing…just…I love you, that's all. And you're right—we've waited long enough. If I'm not pregnant now then we'll definitely try for a baby."

In that moment, as her green-brown eyes sparkled at him, he fell in love with her all over again. Pulling her into his arms, he gave her a sound kiss. "I can't wait."

* * *

 _A/N: Guys - I'm so sad this story is over because I loved it so much and I really, really appreciate everything you guys said about this story - it means so much. I'm so happy to see that you enjoyed it as well!_

 _As promised, my ficathon story **Seasons Change** will be posted Saturday morning. See you there and thanks again for all your reviews/follows/favs_


End file.
